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Old November 1, 2001, 05:52 PM   #1
LawDog
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Lines I'd like to hear in a horror movie someday...

Yes, it is that time of year again. The Annual Mutt Horror-a-Thon has come and gone, leaving us with lines we'd really like to hear in a horror movie.

"My name is...Dracula. Velcome to my...vere the hell did you get a flamethrower?"

"Ma'am, we are at the highest location, with a clear line-of-sight for 1,000 yards, and Earl and I can neuter gnats at 400 yards with these .300 Weatherbys."

"Before you go into that dark, scary, critter-crawling basement why don't you toss in Uncle Bubba's lucky frag grenade?"

"He sure looks dead. Whack him with the fire axe a couple a more times to make sure."

"Sir, near as we can tell, the pyscho crashed something called a '
TFL Meet', fired up his chainsaw, and wound up catching more bullets than went through the last four John Woo movies."

"Darn right I believe you, miss. I've got Ft. Bragg on the phone right now."

"Camp Crystal Lake Welcomes the National IDPA Shoot-Off!"

"You know, since the ghoulies are fixated on this one woman, why don't we put some armed men INSIDE the room where she's sleeping, instead of dinking around on the other side of the locked bedroom doors?"

"Okay, so the house told us to GET OUT. Set off the napalm, darling."

"Fire mission! Target is butcher with axe in the open, will adjust."

"Instead of sneaking around a vampire infested house after dark, why don't we blow the place with dynamite at noon?"

"Regenerate, schmegenerate. This is a Barret Light Fifty."

"Killer bats don't phase Jolene none. She's the State Sporting Clays Champeen."

"Folks, the horde of Evil Minions will be here any second. Now's your last chance to get a Horde Minion Hunting Permit."

"Father O'Bannon, I appreciate the Holy Evil-Slaying Dagger, I really do, but could you see your way into talking the Pope into blessing a Garand or three? This hand-to-hand stuff bites."




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Old November 1, 2001, 06:40 PM   #2
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They might be known as the walkin` dead now, but you`ll be callin `em Stumpy when I`m done with these double O`s!

I figure Billy Bob Thornton or for a laugh, M. Emmet Walsh.
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Old November 1, 2001, 07:11 PM   #3
Fly320s
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LMAO, spitting chunks of apple.

You should post a warning to not eat or drink while reading those.

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Old November 1, 2001, 07:16 PM   #4
Destructo6
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How about in The Blair Witch Project hearing one of the guys pull an AR out of his backpack saying, "I've had about enough of this -CENSORED--CENSORED--CENSORED--CENSORED--CENSORED-!", then proceeding to blast away?
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Old November 1, 2001, 07:25 PM   #5
jes1994
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This old house started having those strange things happen the day after President Hillary died.

Well, you did ask for lines we wanted to hear.
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Old November 1, 2001, 08:00 PM   #6
dinosaur
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Another one.

"Americans? Feh! Weak willed cowards! They`ll never find us and.......Achnod! Tell the boys to stop singing in the halls! And who the he11 is this Montezuma anyway?"
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Old November 1, 2001, 08:01 PM   #7
neal bloom
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Destructo6,

That would have made a very boring movie interesting.
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Old November 1, 2001, 08:11 PM   #8
CITADELGRAD87
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So, Freddy Kruger is IN MY dream, huh?

And all he brought was those stupid finger knives?

But it's still MY dream, right?

Hmm, I'm dreaming I'm holding an M-60 with a 200 round belt...
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Old November 1, 2001, 08:17 PM   #9
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Quote:
catching more bullets than went through the last four John Woo movies."
I can see the white doves flying in my head now

Good ones! LMAO! Uncle Bubba's lucky frag grenade......to much.

Stuff like this always remind me of the movie Tremors.
license plate "UZIforME"
and Reba always saying (insert southern accent)"Go for the penetration us 375H&H"
Still one of the best gunnut horror flicks!
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Old November 1, 2001, 08:27 PM   #10
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.50's?? you don't need no stinkin .50's !!!!

Tom Diaz VPC "Horror report"
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Old November 1, 2001, 09:38 PM   #11
Dr.Rob
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Lines I'd like to hear...

Getting ready to go into the dark spooky place... "Got your piece?"

Two girls in the house with a stalker outside... "Does your dad have a gun?"

Your idiot pal throws away the map "thats ok we'll eat you first"

Idiot Blair witch nasty fool/deliverance freak beats on the side of the tent... "bang bang bang bang bang... shuffle shuffle zipppppppp.. crunch crunch crunch BANG "its ok guys.. I got her"

Zombies are coming... "ok tell me again about these "dragon breath" shotgun rounds?"

Werewolves are coming.. "ya'll realize silvertip is just a brandname right?"

Giant ants, big rats whatever coming "you sure that wussy lil AR 15 aint just gonna piss em off?"

In ANY slasher flick "Dude he has a chainsaw!!! Dude.. I have a 45!"

Vampire movies... "yeah well it started off as a winchester model 21, then I cut off the barrels to the end of the stock, made some custom hi brass loads by lathing down some oak dowels, its good out to about 50 feet and reloading is a bear.. but when it hits it does the job"

at the end of any horror movie.. "thank GOD you had a gun!"

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Old November 1, 2001, 09:50 PM   #12
General_Patton
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Movie titles...

"I know what you did last summer at the shooting range"

"Dude where is my gun??"

"Scream 5" (Only lasted 10 minutes because someone had a gun)

"Blair Witch Project meet the Manhattan Project"

"I still know what you did last summer at the shooting range"

"Colt Dracula"

"American werewolf in Switzerland"

"Texas Chainsaw Masscare meets Charlton Heston and the NRA"

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"Moral courage is the most valuable and usually the most absent characteristic in men." - General George S. Patton

"Untutored courage is useless in the face of educated bullets." - General George S. Patton
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Old November 2, 2001, 12:11 AM   #13
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...well, yes he does have a LOT of big teeth! I still bet he can't chew these .45s up fast enough!

Six punks on motercycles? Thats why I brought this roll of steel cable and an eight shot 12 ga. riot gun.

This is the car thats been chasin' us?...BANG,BANG,BANG,BANG...not without a carb, a radiator, and both front tires, he won't...
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Old November 2, 2001, 12:32 AM   #14
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Hillary is now president and every American male will now be forced to keep a nude poster of her........AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
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Old November 2, 2001, 12:44 AM   #15
Justin
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Hmmm...how 'bout a few lines from a horror/comedy movie?

From 'Army of Darkness'


'Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up: This is my BOOMSTICK!'

'Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.'

From 'Evil Dead II'

Possesed Demon: 'We'll swallow your soul.'

Ash (brandishing shotgun): 'Swallow this.'
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Old November 2, 2001, 12:49 AM   #16
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Cthulu-shmthulu. In any dimension, he's no match for the Mossberg 590. - Lovecraft inspired, of course!

And the shortest slasher film in history would be if the female protagonist, instead of being unarmed, defenseless, and trying to run away from the bad guy on tiddly high heels, were wearing steel toed combat boots and armed with a .357 Magnum.

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Old November 2, 2001, 09:37 AM   #17
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Quote:
"He sure looks dead. Whack him with the fire axe a couple a more times to make sure."
Actually, didn't they come damn close to saying this in AOD?
When the she-bitch was on the ground, and the king was getting close, Ash grabbed his hand and said:

"It's a trick. Get an axe."

Course........anyone wonder why horror films don't happen on military bases?
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Old November 2, 2001, 09:58 AM   #18
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Although it didn't workout that way, Ripley's line in Aliens was very nice...

Quote:
Lets go back to the ship and nuke this place from orbit. Its the only way we can be sure.


~USP
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Old November 2, 2001, 10:04 AM   #19
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LawDog--Great thread!
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Old November 2, 2001, 10:59 AM   #20
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"ON THE WAY!"
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Old November 2, 2001, 11:26 AM   #21
dZ
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"i hit him with the shovel and he went down, but instead of running away, i trussed him, loaded him into the wood chipper and then set the whole mess on fire with some gasoline"

"you think that chain saw is scarey?"
"meet the ditch witch"

"do you prefer breneke's or double aught for slithering alien brains?"

"tingle this mofo!"

"Hell spawn!"
"Return wence thee came, or i will unleash the bicycle riding witnesses of Good News"
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Old November 2, 2001, 11:51 AM   #22
Mithirium
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how about

"Boy these friggin dinosaurs are smart!"
"Yahh, well lets see if they're smart enough to stay way from us now that we appropriated this old Contra jeep with browning 50 on back"
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Old November 2, 2001, 12:08 PM   #23
JFrame
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Pretty d**n funny, Lawdog and others!

Okay--here are some lame-o additions:

"Have you noticed these zombies can't climb trees worth a lick? Shee-yit...From up here, I can drop 'em all night long with my squirrel rifle!"

"Okay--now that we've figured out that some maniac has been bumping us off one by one in this big ol' house we're trapped in, I suggest we hunker down in the corner of that big room, face outward, and riddle anything that moves with our Glocks!"

"All we have against those mutated guinea pigs is my granddaddy's Winchester pump shotgun from World War I...But it's better than nothing!"

"Hey, Mister--! Mister--Watch out for that zombie! Hey! Oh... Sorry--I didn't notice you carrying that scoped .44..."
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Old November 2, 2001, 12:14 PM   #24
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"He's still coming! Failure to stop! Mozambique his ass!!!"

"Is he dead? Bam! Bam! Yup. He's dead."

"Do you hear those noises in the woods? So do I. Hit the Claymores!"

"Ghouls in the wire! Light off the foo gas!"

"Okay. Every person who's gone into that house has failed to come out. Either there's one hell of a party going on or something nasty's inside. Since I don't hear any music, I presume it's the latter. Set fire to one side and shoot anything you don't recognize that comes out the other side."

"This is 911. You say there's a horde of zombies coming your way. Yes, ma'am, I believe you. But my believing you doesn't change the fact that you are screwed!"

"This is mission control. You say there's a evil alien in the ship? So, gather everybody you like that's human in the bridge. Seal it off and open the rest of the ship to vaccuum. Take enough rations for a week. After that, you can seal the ship and bag what's left for the science geeks."

"Those devil worshippers are looking to sacrifice a virgin. You're a virgin. Do you really want to die? No? Okay. Come here, baby!" (Actually, this is a paraphrase of an actual scene from a Jim Carrey movie.)

"Here we have the evil psycho killer who's been hospitalized eight times, and when released, has gone back to the same campground and killed again. But we know he's cured this time so we're letting him out. Just kidding! No way he's ever getting out. We lobotomized him six ways from Sunday. He can't even wipe drool off his face, let alone operate a chain saw or pick up any form of gardening/carpentry tool!"

Alternatively: "I've warned you about letting this psycho out yet again. But you've ignored my warnings. So here's what I'm going to do: if you let him out and he kills again, I'm going to shoot him in the forehead and then I'm going to kill you. And here's the bullet I'm going to kill you with it."

"This is Adam 2-12. We've got a werewolf loose. Yes, I said a werewolf. Call animal control. Let those pricks deal with it. I'm going on break."

"You know, this script really sucks."
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Old November 2, 2001, 12:41 PM   #25
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Stop me before I post again!

Too late!

"Yes, I'm a cop. But that's a 300 foot tall firebreathing lizard. What part of 'not in my job description' don't you understand?"

"Hello, Mr. Hostile Alien. Let me introduce you to one of GE's finer products: the MINIGUN!"

"Okay. We're going up into the woods. Everybody bring a primary and a backup? Harvey, you didn't. Well, go home and get one. We'll wait. Those lousy kids are already dead for sure so this is a search and destroy mission, not a rescue."

"Well, the kids are already dead. So, let's wait until the cannibal finishes eating. When he takes his after-dinner nap, we'll open up on him."

"Anybody know a good recipe for vampire bat?"
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