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Old August 27, 2002, 01:38 PM   #1
Sharp Phil
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Become a black belt by mail!

Become a black belt by mail!

But beware the awful consequences should you pervert or steal the powerful knowledge contained within this text!

So Speak The Ancients!

Today I am a black belt wielding these awesome powers. Read all about it in my review of Ashida Kim's "book," Mugei Mumei no Jitsu, which appears here on my web page.
- Phil Elmore

Publisher, The Martialist
For Those Who Fight Unfairly
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Old August 27, 2002, 01:45 PM   #2
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Home sick...

... and LMAO thanks to you.

"Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion, but the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime" - Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

"The most difficult thing about planning against the Americans, is that they do not read their own doctrine, and they would feel no particular obligtion to follow it if they did." - Admiral Sergei I. Gorshkov

"We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form into teams we would be reorganized. I was to learn in this life that we tend to meet any situation by reorganizing. And a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization." - Attributed to Petronius Arbiter, circa 60 A.D
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Old August 27, 2002, 02:35 PM   #3
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Something to go with your diplomas by mail and your awards and decorations from the surplus store....
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Old August 27, 2002, 02:56 PM   #4
Sharp Phil
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Oddly and coincidentally, I got a mail order catalog yesterday -- the same day I wrote the review. It was for some outfit I'd never heard of, and it sold everything from badges to diplomas (as well as the little pressure-tool for placing the seals on them) to black belt certificates.

"Cool," I told my wife. "I can be a certified Navy scuba diver!"
- Phil Elmore

Publisher, The Martialist
For Those Who Fight Unfairly
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Old August 27, 2002, 03:31 PM   #5
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Using your...

...newfound power to "restore life", can you do something about the muscles I pulled laughing from reading your wonderful little review of that screed?

Ashida Kim secret martial arts proverb for today:

A ____ and his _____ soon are ______.

You have twenty seconds: Go!

2% Unobtainium, 98% Hypetanium.
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Old August 27, 2002, 04:06 PM   #6
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Please, please tell me Ashida Kim's entire web site and books are some kind of a silly parody.

From his FAQ page:

If I were in the Ring, for instance, I'd have to regulate my diet and do a lot of running for stamina. When I'm a bouncer, I practice drinking and smoking.
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Old August 27, 2002, 04:25 PM   #7
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When I was last at Thunder Ranch, adjunct instructors Bill Black and Rob Rathburn joked that they need to do something like this for firearms. Their school would be the Order of the Golden Cockroach. Why? Because cockroaches all go to cover--and all the cool animals are already taken.
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Old August 27, 2002, 05:24 PM   #8
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Politicians and other Cockroaches survive.

Sharp Phil...
Thank you for the review.
Laughed; were it not for the many schools out there that do little better; would have laughed a lot harder.

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Old August 28, 2002, 03:12 AM   #9
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Now I've finally found some one to worthy enough to challange Jerry Peterson, and SCAR's ....
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Old August 28, 2002, 09:06 AM   #10
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Even funnier was the stuff from the Count Dante link. Amazing!

"Those who live by the sword are probably pretty f***ing good at it."

"Instructions for a successful gunfight: Front Sight, Press Trigger, repeat
as necessary." - B. Braxton
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Old August 28, 2002, 11:26 AM   #11
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Count Dante!

I remember him from adds in comic books from the 1970s! (Hope I'm not the only one to remember these!)

There were always Count Dante ads for home black belt courses back then. Every pic of him was grainy from cheap comic book paper, -or was he just moving too fast?
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Old August 28, 2002, 02:06 PM   #12
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I get dismayed when I open up a TKD Times, and see Hee Il Cho selling videos teaching TKD from white belt to black! He doesn't issue any home study certificates that I am aware of, but for someone of his stature to even suggest that martial arts can be self-taught (or even with correspondence classes) is absurd!
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Old September 10, 2002, 08:13 PM   #13
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Man, you guys better hope the Ashida Kim and Count Dante adherents don't find this thread. They'll call you out.
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Old September 11, 2002, 03:42 AM   #14
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Sharp Pill:

Enjoyed the link as well as the rest of the site. Thanks for the laughs!

BTW, somebody ought to do a hall of infamy site for Ashida Kim, Frank Dux, Jerry Petersen and a few others.
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Old September 11, 2002, 08:47 AM   #15
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Loved the review.

The Center For Self Preservation Training
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Old September 11, 2002, 11:56 AM   #16
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LOL. Loved the field guide to trolls.

Sir, you have a very funny and well-done site.

The axe bites into the door, ripping a hole in one panel. The maniac puts his face into the hole, cackling gleefully, "Here's Johnny...erk."
"And here's Smith and Wesson," murmurs Coronach, Mozambiquing six rounds of .357 into the critter at a range of three feet. -Lawdog

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Old September 11, 2002, 03:26 PM   #17
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Oh, yessssssssss...............

I feel the POWER of the ancient masters flowing through me even as I contemplate the subtle wisdom flowing from the text of the book!!

Now, bowing to the mythical--I mean, mystical--callings of the grand masters, I will turn in my service weapon TOMORROW!!!!

I don't need it anymore!!!

I will keep the peace and subdue all miscreants, hooligans and thugs with my lightning speed and cat-like ninja reflexes.

Oh yeah, I'm a bad-a** now!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hiding in plain sight...
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Old September 11, 2002, 09:24 PM   #18
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By the way, what the heck is a "grand" master? What's the difference between a "grand" master and a mere master? Is that like the difference betwen a grand piano and a piano?

What's next, a "super grand" master? Followed by "super duper grand" master? "Great grand" master?
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Old September 12, 2002, 02:49 PM   #19
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Bahadur...........Actually, titles have al;ways bothered me as well. In TKD titles are used......everything from assistant junior instructors to instructor, chief instructor, master instructor, master, junior grandmaster and Grand master.........basically the only things I see that differentiates (sp) the ranks is how many stripes are on their belts. I am a 4th degree blackbelt, and as such (according to Korean ettiquitte (sp))...I am to be called "master" by my students......Other than when bowing in and out of class, or when I first enter the do jang, no one refers to me as such, they only do then in Korean.

I know a 7th dan blackbelt (which technically is supposed to be a junior grandmaster) who absolutely insists that he be called Grandmaster and not simply Master.

I know a man in Chicago who is highly thought of in his homeland of korea and is a ninth Dan blackbelt. Most of us call him "Master" and not Grandmaster. He never rebuffs anyone for it.

While The rankings are supposed to be both to recognize the accomplishments of the seniors as well as for the juniors to show respect and understanding of their own place in the arts, I feel that it no longer does this. Instead I have seen too many people who place more value on the title than they do the expertise of the rank holder.

I have heard of an "honorable 10th Dan being awarded to great martial artists, long deceased, but I was reading somewhere (was it Blackbelt magazine?) that carried a piece about a 9th degree blackbelt being awarded the "10 degree" blackbelt.....the piece did not give his age but he looked no older than maybe......65???......and ALIVE!.......
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