The Firing Line Forums

Go Back   The Firing Line Forums > Hogan's Alley > Tactics and Training

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old October 26, 2000, 11:21 AM   #1
David Scott
Senior Member
Join Date: February 11, 2000
Posts: 2,456
You and the wife are sitting in your home out in the country watching Letterman one night. Suddenly, the room is flooded with intense blue-white light coming in the windows. You look out and see a 70 foot long metallic silver object, shaped like a flattened football, descending out of the sky onto your lawn. Of course, you grab your weapons.

The craft settles, a door opens, and three skinny little gray-green humanoids with huge dark eyes emerge. They walk up onto your front porch, face you through the screen door, and say, "Tox ch'vadd meyodengee hox beglefub." The one in front holds out a small blue box with a yellow light blinking on the end.

What do you do?
David Scott is offline  
Old October 26, 2000, 01:59 PM   #2
Joe Demko
Senior Member
Join Date: September 14, 2000
Posts: 1,143
Resolve not to use any more lick n' stick tatoos featuring Mickey Mouse as The Sorcerer's Apprentice.
Joe Demko is offline  
Old October 26, 2000, 02:05 PM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: February 27, 1999
Location: TX
Posts: 403
Grab the blue box. The aliens have obviously mistaken you for the valet at David's Rib House. Make a break for the craft and take off. You will have the time of your life drag raceing F16's and other various interceptors. Just be sure to leave the visitors enough gas to get home.
Phillip is offline  
Old October 26, 2000, 03:51 PM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: February 4, 2000
Posts: 194
My stock answer:

Shoot my wife in the knee and run away screaming like a little girl.
Bud1 is offline  
Old October 26, 2000, 04:12 PM   #5
Junior member
Join Date: January 5, 1999
Location: Springfield, Missouri
Posts: 2,105
Bud1, that's it! Now you made me spew soda out my nose all over my monitor ROTFLMAO. I hope your wife never reads TFL.


I was promised a Shortycicle and I want a Shortycicle!
Gunslinger is offline  
Old October 26, 2000, 06:41 PM   #6
Jay Baker
Senior Member
Join Date: March 26, 2000
Location: S.W. Idaho
Posts: 1,294
The very first thing you do is ask them, "Do you guys have an agent??"

Then you invite them in for a drink of Scotch, and have your pen and paper ready to write up a deal memo.

After you've made millions of $$$$, you do just about anything you and your wife want, including being on Letterman, Leno, Okra, Rosie, Conan, Dr. Laura, and of course, "The Art Bell Radio Show."

(Forget the guns: anyone who's overcome the problems of time, space, and the speed of light, won't be thwarted with our piddly little .45s.)

Jay Baker is offline  
Old October 26, 2000, 08:18 PM   #7
Junior member
Join Date: July 20, 2000
Location: pasadena,california,America
Posts: 542
Are you kidding?
An opportunity of a lifetime.
Point to the house and family...and say ,"Eats." and let the aliens figure it out. While they are distracted, you make for the space ship and try to grab all the weapon type instruments that you can and make your getaway.
Can you imagine the money you can make, either duplicating weapons of mass destruction or selling them on the open market?
Then you come back and make amends with the family...if they haven't been abducted by the little the color description, you sure they aren't Irish?
: :
LASur5r is offline  
Old October 27, 2000, 04:07 AM   #8
Jeff Thomas
Senior Member
Join Date: December 9, 1998
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,753
Nah ... we've done this one before - too simple. Let's come up with something original.

Regards from AZ
Jeff Thomas is offline  
Old October 27, 2000, 12:25 PM   #9
Senior Member
Join Date: June 5, 2000
Location: Job hunting on the road...
Posts: 3,827
I'd tell 'em that the diner is just down the road, and ask 'em if they've got any of them Martian cigarettes...


Bogie is offline  
Old October 27, 2000, 03:27 PM   #10
David Scott
Senior Member
Join Date: February 11, 2000
Posts: 2,456
You guys all forgot to consult your Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. The phrase "Tox ch'vadd meyodengee hox beglefub." is Gogolfringian for "We will trade this cancer-curing device for the use of your rest room." If you'd come halfway across the galaxy, you'd have to pee, too.

The proper action is to take the device, let them use the rest room, call the patent office and start shopping for a yacht.
David Scott is offline  
Old October 28, 2000, 06:44 PM   #11
Staff Alumnus
Join Date: October 23, 1998
Location: ATL
Posts: 3,277
70' craft...advanced "relief" facilities? Hm. No wonder they haven't conquered our barbaric selves yet!
Spectre is offline  
Old October 30, 2000, 03:16 AM   #12
Senior Member
Join Date: December 2, 1999
Location: Minnesota, wow
Posts: 219
Not remembering the phrase would get wife/kids "IF I had either" in "safe" room to call for help. I would "try" to holster my gun and stay inside my door. Odds are any cover you have would be no match for their weapons. I would try my best to communicate with them. "read stall for time." The approach sounded rather unthreatening "as it could be" I would think they would know how to speak/understand our language from TV/Radio etc. It may sound/look like a bank robbers note but should make some sense.
Just try to think of it as a Russian military chopper that landed on your lawn. They prob don't want to harm you but if you harm them odds are they will flatten your house with your family in it.
larry_minn is offline  
Old November 12, 2000, 10:24 AM   #13
Forrest Summers
Junior Member
Join Date: November 12, 2000
Posts: 14
I'd have to offer them a delicious burger, and see if they needed anything to drink......then get ready to be their research subject.....

Forrest Summers is offline  
Old November 12, 2000, 11:50 AM   #14
Junior member
Join Date: August 2, 2000
Location: Honolulu, HI, USA
Posts: 210
I see there's another Douglas Adams fan in the house

Rote answer: "Take my wife, please!"

Real answer: Take the box, let 'em have the run of the house, pop out a few bottles of Hoegarten and Kona Lager. Get them outrageously drunk and have them sign over a comprehensive trade/technology transfer agreement that will make me (and wifey) rich beyond our wildest dreams. Oh and since in Douglas Adams's books the Earth eventually gets zapped to make room for a new intergalactic highway, I'd like some perks such as new planet of residence, endless supply of booze and women (if wifey allows) and all the weapons of destruction I get to play with

And have wifey put away her Glock first. 9x19mm isn't going to do squat anyways.
dragontooth73 is offline  

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:38 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
This site and contents, including all posts, Copyright © 1998-2018 S.W.A.T. Magazine
Copyright Complaints: Please direct DMCA Takedown Notices to the registered agent:
Contact Us
Page generated in 0.06647 seconds with 10 queries