Staying calm in tense situation?

[Prof Young]

Forum Followers:

So, is there away to "train" to stay calm in a tense situation? Long story short I honked at an erratic driver as he almost clipped my car and then he tried to run us off the road. (In hind sight I should have cranked up the video record function on the phone and recorded his actions.) Anyway it scared the snot out of me. I handled it "well" by backing off and getting off the freeway asap, but I was anything but calm. Makes me concerned about dealing with a bad situation involving firearms.

I don't carry all the time just when I'm going on a country bike ride alone or into the city. I'd like to think I'd stay calm enough to make good decisions quickly.

Thoughts and ideas . . .

Live well, be safe
Prof Young

[geetarman]

Probably the honking is what set this all in play. I know I have done it and it has been done to me. The adrenaline hits so fast, it is almost impossible not to react.

The thing is, you don't know whether the person you are dealing with is all wired together or is ready to come apart at the seams. If they are in front of you, let them have the road. Better to have them in front than in back of you.

I made a stupid mistake that could have cost me a lot. In retrospect, I should have turned the radio up and ignored the guy.

I was first in line at an intersection that has a lagging green turn arrow. Across the intersection was a big panel van in the turn lane. I was going to turn east and the van was going to turn west.

Out here in Arizona, a lot of people pull into the intersection to make their turn. If you are the ONLY car there, you will NOT get a turn arrow at the end of the cycle.

I avoid pulling into the intersection because as long as I am on the sensors, the green arrow WILL come on.

This teen ager pulls up behind me. Because of the big panel van, I can't see through his glass to see what is coming down the road so I don't try to turn until I CAN see.

This kid taps his horn and I ignore it. He taps the horn again and I ignore it.

Then he lays on the horn, and this is where I screwed up. I rolled the window down and flipped him off. This guy then went ballistic.

The light cycled and I got the green and made my turn and this kid followed me through the intersection. Luckily for both of us, he had to make an immediate left turn to go where he needed to go and did not pursue.

This time it turned out ok but it sure could have been different and could have been avoided if I had just turned the radio up a bit

[SEKLEM]

The trick to remain calm is to always consciously remain calm. It's something of a hobby of late for me and it's been working quite well. I also don't rush anything unless it's absolutely necessary, and in traffic it's almost never necessary to be in a rush.

[g.willikers]

Sometimes having the luxury of time just isn't there, like having someone try to run you off the road, like the Prof said.
If there's a trick to staying calm in a situation, it's being able to jump and panic inside without over reacting or reacting badly on the outside.
The only way to achieve it is to train for it.
And that's the hard part.
Maybe like Peter Sellers did in his hysterical Pink Panther movies - having his butler jump out of closets and from behind doors at him.

[45Gunner]

The only way to remain calm in a fire, is to be constantly in fires. One can train for every scenario imaginable, and practice, practice, practice, but until you experience the fire a couple of times, it is one of the most difficult things to do.

I relate this to being in combat. The first couple of times were a blur. All I remember doing correctly was changing an empty magazine for a full one. All my training had little impact. I will say that my training back then was woefully insufficient. Anyway, after three or four firefights, I began to settle down and analyze what was going on around me. By the end of my tour, firefights became like a game. I know, hard to imagine, but when you live like an animal, you become one.

Same thing later in life as an Airline Pilot. Every six months in the simulator practicing every emergency situation that one could imagine...everything you never want to see in a real airplane. If and when it really did happen, it was like just another simulator session and the pilots had already been exposed to a like or similar situation and it was no big deal.

[johnwilliamson062]

There are a lot of details about the situation I don't have, but some general ideas about driving behavior:

The horn is a signaling device, not some sort of automotive expletive. If you are not using it to convey a signal or information to another driver you are contributing to the problem. If you are in someones blind spot and they are merging over then honk the horn. If they are knowingly cutting you off you are wasting energy.

Leave enough space between you and the car in front of you so that someone can easily merge into your lane. A lot of people like to get all defensive about their position in a lane as if blocking someone from cutting in front of them. Other people stay in the left lane when there is someone barreling down on them in the rear view mirror and the right lane is clear. If someone is going 20+ miles over the speed limit, just get over.

It is not that much different than being at an un-monitored range with someone who is unsafe and packing up instead of getting in a shouting match.

If it is someone who is drunk or can't hold their lane position for another reason give them space.
Put whatever behavior occurred in the context of being in line at the supermarket. Would you consider behaving the way you did? Car seem to offer a false sense of anonymity or security that changes our behavior.

If I am in a third car, see someone cut another driver off then the offended driver flip the bird, I am going to be thinking they are both equally idiotic.

Not that I've never done any of these things before.

[g.willikers]

Wise old proverb:
It's easier to stay out of trouble than to get out of trouble.

[Kosh75287]

If conflict is eminent and unavoidable, I've found that getting angry, REALLY angry, abolishes most fears. You don't want to become so angry that you lose your ability to think in the situation, but you want to be angry enough that your adrenaline fuels your FIGHT, not FLIGHT. An angry man hits harder, feels less pain, and is more ruthless in conflict. These are all good things for you, and bad things for your aggressor.

[Frank Ettin]

Originally Posted by Prof Young

...So, is there away to "train" to stay calm in a tense situation?...

Yes, it's called "stress inoculation."

I also think that in general by being subjected to reasonable stressors, and learning to perform in stressful situations, one can minimize the disruptive effects of stress. Competition, like IDPA or USPSA is one way to practice under stress. Simulator or force-on-force training is another.

[James K]

"Staying calm in [a] tense situation", and keeping others calm is one of the hardest things to do, which is why it is a very intense and extensive part of police training. It is one area almost never covered by even the best CCW training, so it is also an area where I have to agree that an armed citizen can be more dangerous to himself and innocent people than a trained police officer.

We are humans, most of us are probably male. So when challenged, we tend to resort to primal instincts and reply in kind, force to force, verbal abuse to verbal abuse. In addition to training in remaining calm, police also have an array of non-lethal weapons available - stun guns, tear gas spray, batons, radios to call backup - which can be used if the situation escalates. The armed citizen has only a lethal weapon, so any escalatiion can involve only one step, from non-physical to potentially lethal.

Self control is essential. Once that step is taken, it will most likely be impossible to turn back. What words of apology can you offer to someone on whom you pulled a gun during a verbal argument? If you are lucky, you will lose a lot of money in a lawsuit; if you are unlucky, you will go to prison for a long term. (Believe me, you don't want to go to prison.)

Jim

[A pause for the COZ]

Personally I dont think so.
I think the people who operate effectively in super stressful situations are hard wired genetically that way.

Any training done will improve upon the natural tendency in a person.
For the naturally skittish they can train to become some what serviceable in tense situations.

For the naturally calm and focused. They become the War gods.

The Raw material has an impact. After all you can not train a potato into steak.
No matter how hard you try.

[James K]

Somehow I doubt that many folks want to become "War Gods", and those who do are probably "wired" to be psychopaths. Most people just want to be able to protect themselves from some of the anti-social "War Gods".

Maybe the SF idea of keeping the "troopers" in hibernation until needed was not a bad one.

Jim

[A pause for the COZ]

Jim I was just using the extreme as an example.
Obviously there is varying degrees of calm.

For civilians life threatening situations are no longer the norm.
At least not here any way.

My statement is still valid though. In any situation there are different types.
In a ship wreck, fire, or a plane crash for example.
There is a certain amount of people who just can not think clearly under stress.
They are the ones who do not survive.
The ones who can think clear and act under stress are the ones that emerge alive and usually bring a few lemmings with them.


In my opinion. ( thats all it is) Training should also include factoring in the personality type of the person being trained.
Some people would be best served by becoming experts at barricading and waiting for help. And for sure situational awareness and conflict avoidance.
Important for every one for sure.
But for some people more important.

Just saying....

[Prof Young]

Thanks for all the thoughts and feedback. Some helpful info here.

I think I've gotten crankier in my old age. Use to be if an idiot changing lanes almost hit me I'd just stay out of his way without honking. Maybe I need to learn to be the younger me again.

45GUNNER- Thanks so much for your service to our nations. You are a blessing.

Live well, be safe
Prof Young

[TailGator]

There are two kinds of training that can be done. The first is to train for situations. Even thinking through situations is a valuable preparation, because in doing so you are thinking at leisure about a situation that is going to unfold quickly, and making calm decisions that you can later recall and act upon when neither time nor calmness are available. The other is to train your temperament; that is, to adopt a mindset of looking for and evaluating solutions to problems with which you are confronted rather than feeling and acting in a panicked manner. This may come from inside you, from delving into a religious faith, meditation, counsel, or some combination.

When I taught music, I taught my students that they would experience an adrenaline release that we recognize as a certain amount of nervousness when performing. The key is not to avoid feeling nervous, because if a performer does that the performance will feel flat; rather, the good performer channels that nervousness into increased concentration and intensity that is felt by the audience.

[seeker_two]

Like all things, stress management is determined by the characteristics of the individual. Whether by nature or by nurture, whatever the individual brings into the situation is what the individual will use to manage the situation. Training, visualization, and competition are good experiences to have.

I've worked in the mental health and corrections fields for a couple of decades, so I got a lot of experience in handling stressful situations quick. I was really surprised at how that experience helped in my defensive shooting training. At my first time in a FLETCH-style simulator, I shot a qualifying score....including not shooting any no-shoot targets. And, the whole time, I didn't feel anywhere near the stress that I did at work some days. That experience was an eye-opener.....and a confidence-builder.

If you don't have experience with stress, find something stressful (i.e. competition) and learn to handle stress. If do have experience with stress, find ways to apply the lessons learned to manage stress in other areas.

[Devildog811]

Basically muscle memory is only way to keep going in a fight or flight situation. You never know how you will react until it happens!

[James K]

Hi, COZ,

I agree to a point, but I think it unlikely that the one kind of person you describe would own a gun, let alone carry one, or would be posting here. He or she would be more likely to react to danger by curling up in a closet and hoping help arrives.

But there is the opposite exteme, too, and someone who would respond to a nasty remark or a car horn by drawing a gun is simply not wrapped too tight, whether he be an armed citizen or a police officer.

Hi, Devildog811,

I hate the term "muscle memory" because it implies that the use of deadly force should be an automatic response, not as a reasoned, if quick, decision in the face of imminent danger.

I once read a post on another site which dealt with an attack from behind. One poster responded that he had trained himself to respond to the slightest noise from behind by drawing, turning, and firing automatically (yes, he used the term "muscle memory") without thinking about it at all. Not what I call good "training" in any way, shape or form. All I can say is that I hope I can avoid maniacs like that; Heaven forbid some little kid on a skateboard doesn't come up behind him!

I find it a bit difficult to imagine a situation in civilian life, even for a police officer, where no time can be taken to identify the reality of the threat and the location of the danger, so blind "automatic" firing is justified.

Jim

[Jim567]

Odd,

I go calm and cool in intense situations. Especially when folks around me are in a panic.

The glaring exception to this is road rage. I react like I have been slapped in the face.

I have to make a very conscious effort to ignore and not react.

Funny how its taken so personally.

[James K]

In LEO training, officer wannabees are subjected to a wide range of abuse, being called names, spat on, insulted, threatened, offered bribes, even pushed or slapped, etc. The abusers (actually cops or actors) insult the trainees any way they can think of and the instructors will not intervene unless there is some real danger. The trainee needs to act appropriately, whether that is by making an arrest, or just by smiling and thanking the abuser for sharing his or her thoughts.

So when you think that traffic cop giving you a ticket has been trained to be a "yes, SIR" robot, it is because he has been. Without that training, more cops would shove some jerk's face in and we would have more incidents of "police brutality."

Jim

[SEKLEM]

There's a lot of really interesting information being shared in this thread, to the point of being extremely meaningful and perhaps life changing if it's followed. I'm amazed.

Originally Posted by Jim567

I go calm and cool in intense situations. Especially when folks around me are in a panic.

I have that same reaction. I immediately detach from group panic, I think that's a good thing. Mob mentality escapes me on a personal logic level. When others are panicking most often I'm trying to find a solution. If people are crowding into an area I go a different way (not like the ones you see in movies that instead of running away from the monster, end up becoming easy pickings).

[besafe2]

James K
I wasn't trained that way in the 70's, but don't tell any one

[zach_]

Road rage is an everyday event in cities around here. Sometimes they turn into intentional crashes, shootings, and fights/assault. Some people go "Godzilla" when they get behind the wheel. Men and women alike. Put these same people face to face in public, outside of their cars, no problems whatsoever.

I don't know exactly how I would do in military combat. I hope that I would have been prepared prior to actually seeing combat. The stories from former soldiers of being under fire for hours on end are life changers, according to those same soldiers.

[Tuzo]

Behind the wheel imparts an anonymity to drivers. I have driven in several Asian and western countries where driving ranges from offensive to safe and polite. In Indonesia and New Orleans most drivers practice offensive driving skills. In Ireland and New Zealand the drivers are polite and considerate.

Road rage is facilitated by the hiding behind the shield of an automobile. Driving every other week between New Orleans and Houston via the racetrack they call I10 is an experience of constant defensive driving. Tailgaters in jacked up pickups are a worry for me in my little Camry. Best to drive calmly and not become too riled and escalate to violent behavior. By the way, Friday nights through Baton Rouge is compounded by many drunk drivers and many of them are armed.

[g.willikers]

Experts say the best way to stay safe while driving is to have a really fast and good handling car.
(And have the skills necessary to drive it well, of course).
That way it's very hard for anyone to get close enough to hit you, no matter how mad or determined they might be.