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I am a first-time gun owner who has really never been around guns and is still coming to terms with the idea of firing one.
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I would take a little different tack on this and ask, why not start with a 22? Most of us started out with rimfires. There's nothing you can learn about the fundamentals with a 45 that you can't learn with a 22 at a fraction of the cost. A Walther P22 is about the smallest grip I can think of on a handgun, and they're a heck of a lot of fun to shoot.
I'm not trying to steer anyone away from a service caliber handgun. "Teeny tiny" women can handle them just fine. My sons fired my Beretta 92 when they were 8 years old and had small hands. But they started out small, learned the fundamentals, and worked up to it.
I also have to ask, if you want a firearm for defensive purposes in the home, and concealment is not an issue, why not go with a carbine or shotgun?