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I used to own an FNX 40 and miss that gun like a loyal dog. It was smooth, had quite a bit of capacity and handled recoil amazingly. I do own it's big brother and it handles recoil better than any other polymer 45 I've shot (and it has 15 rounds).
I think you'll be fine with a 45 for home defense. I've read stories of police departments using the 9mm and because of how fast the round travels it has hit innocent bystanders but that was years ago. I also understand with you living in a neighborhood and that's where I would suggest you get a shotgun with a shortened barrel (I know you were thinking handguns). I've got a Mossberg 500 in 12 guage with the shortened barrel and it is very easy to manage going around the house. The guy that did my CHL class recommended having that with .00 because if you are facing a threat and they're hiding around a corner you've got enough to go through your sheet rock and possible stud to get their attention.
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