The Firing Line Forums - View Single Post - Why I carry at home, and why I wish my wife would........

MothersLilHelper · March 19, 2009, 10:29 PM

Pax, seriously, you need to do the world a favor and get a talk show host gig on prime time. You're awesome.

My story uses much of Pax's 'pretty-much-standard advice'.

My wife/best friend/partner in crime didn't much like guns a few years ago--to the point of "Guns kill people: why do you even want one?" She's pretty good with them now--because I kept asking her "Why do you think that?" when she objected to me doing a CCW class, hunting, etc. And then I shut the hell up and listened to her answer. More often than not, I responded with "Honey, I love you very much and I hate to sound like a two year old, but why do you think this other thing that follows?" And if she started getting heated, I'd say "Honey, I love you very much and I'm so psyched to be talking about this with you but I don't want you to be mad at me. Can we table this, or can you help me understand why you're mad? Let's go for a walk together and get some ice cream." And I only said "Why do you think that?" when she brought it up.

Moral thinking is painful for everybody but a great way to grow a marriage, especially if you're not committed to being right. Our minister told us "You can choose if you'd rather be married or right," and I think it is great advice.

My wonderful wife still doesn't want a carry permit. She's taken some handgun classes and has been to the range with me plenty of times. She shoots as much as she wants (or not at all) on her terms as she wants. She taught my little sister how to shoot--I started sis with a big, heavy .45 with the saying that "Big calibers are for little girls!" and the nice slow push of the .45 is comfier for many than the snap of a .380. Sis was shaking like a leaf and Mrs. MLH made shooting a really fun game for her. (For would-be objectors, sister still greatly prefers .45 to so-called 'lady calibers.') She also called me 'jerky boy' for a week when I was jerking the trigger on a new handgun.

Mrs. MLH loves taking me to the woodshed on sporting clays and beating me like a dog, and no longer even thinks "paranoid reactionary" when she sees me carrying around the house. She just thinks "he's different from me and I love him" and I think it right back at her flipped around.

But I didn't preach or dictate or plead: three very male approaches. I just asked questions. Same deal: when she invites me to change my mind on something, it's an invitation and a discussion. We've got two weapons where she can reach them in the house, she knows the manuals for them both (her doing, not mine) and her shots go where they're aimed.

Mrs. MLH has asked for a refresher course at an outdoor range with clean-range ammo (breastfeeding) and asked me the other day "Do you think I'd be OK with myself if I shot a deer?" and she left a browser open to Gunsite's page....present for me? Present for her? Oh, how the times do change...but I can't bring it up. Sheer torture. No chance she did it accidentally. I think she's actually training me to buy her jewelry, but we'll be married another 50 years at least--I'll figure her out eventually. Maybe. God, I love that woman.

Anyway. My two cents.

This should be on a wallet card for men:
Okay, now turn it around: SHE has every bit as much right to decide how HER children are raised and protected as YOU do. That's the way it works ... and there you are back at square one.

If a man makes odious on the subject, then on the day his wife realizes she's tired of being lectured as if she were a child, she'll find herself a more pleasant companion. And when she leaves, the man loses almost all ability to protect his children anyway, because they'll spend most of their time somewhere else, under someone else's roof, learning someone else's values.

March 19, 2009, 10:29 PM	#46
MothersLilHelper Member Join Date: January 3, 2009 Location: SW Ohio Posts: 18	Pax, seriously, you need to do the world a favor and get a talk show host gig on prime time. You're awesome. My story uses much of Pax's 'pretty-much-standard advice'. My wife/best friend/partner in crime didn't much like guns a few years ago--to the point of "Guns kill people: why do you even want one?" She's pretty good with them now--because I kept asking her "Why do you think that?" when she objected to me doing a CCW class, hunting, etc. And then I shut the hell up and listened to her answer. More often than not, I responded with "Honey, I love you very much and I hate to sound like a two year old, but why do you think this other thing that follows?" And if she started getting heated, I'd say "Honey, I love you very much and I'm so psyched to be talking about this with you but I don't want you to be mad at me. Can we table this, or can you help me understand why you're mad? Let's go for a walk together and get some ice cream." And I only said "Why do you think that?" when she brought it up. Moral thinking is painful for everybody but a great way to grow a marriage, especially if you're not committed to being right. Our minister told us "You can choose if you'd rather be married or right," and I think it is great advice. My wonderful wife still doesn't want a carry permit. She's taken some handgun classes and has been to the range with me plenty of times. She shoots as much as she wants (or not at all) on her terms as she wants. She taught my little sister how to shoot--I started sis with a big, heavy .45 with the saying that "Big calibers are for little girls!" and the nice slow push of the .45 is comfier for many than the snap of a .380. Sis was shaking like a leaf and Mrs. MLH made shooting a really fun game for her. (For would-be objectors, sister still greatly prefers .45 to so-called 'lady calibers.') She also called me 'jerky boy' for a week when I was jerking the trigger on a new handgun. Mrs. MLH loves taking me to the woodshed on sporting clays and beating me like a dog, and no longer even thinks "paranoid reactionary" when she sees me carrying around the house. She just thinks "he's different from me and I love him" and I think it right back at her flipped around. But I didn't preach or dictate or plead: three very male approaches. I just asked questions. Same deal: when she invites me to change my mind on something, it's an invitation and a discussion. We've got two weapons where she can reach them in the house, she knows the manuals for them both (her doing, not mine) and her shots go where they're aimed. Mrs. MLH has asked for a refresher course at an outdoor range with clean-range ammo (breastfeeding) and asked me the other day "Do you think I'd be OK with myself if I shot a deer?" and she left a browser open to Gunsite's page....present for me? Present for her? Oh, how the times do change...but I can't bring it up. Sheer torture. No chance she did it accidentally. I think she's actually training me to buy her jewelry, but we'll be married another 50 years at least--I'll figure her out eventually. Maybe. God, I love that woman. Anyway. My two cents. This should be on a wallet card for men: Okay, now turn it around: SHE has every bit as much right to decide how HER children are raised and protected as YOU do. That's the way it works ... and there you are back at square one. If a man makes odious on the subject, then on the day his wife realizes she's tired of being lectured as if she were a child, she'll find herself a more pleasant companion. And when she leaves, the man loses almost all ability to protect his children anyway, because they'll spend most of their time somewhere else, under someone else's roof, learning someone else's values.