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My question is why don't they carry what they compete with?
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Because they realize that there is little, if anything, that will make a difference in a DGU the big gun can do that the smaller gun won't also do.
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I just refuse to buy into the "I cannot conceal a mid-size or full-size pistol" for most people.
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Again, so what? For most it has nothing to do with "I cannot" and everything to do with "why should I". I carried an N-frame S&W for quite a while, and a 1911 for a long time. I can conceal them just fine if I want to carry them. But I don't. Most people don't. Most people are quite comfortable carrying a gun that will adequately serve their needs, and see no need to discomfort themselves for something that is rarer in their life than being struck by lightening.
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But when those circumstances arrive I'm under no illusion about my ability to hit very well and quickly with it as compared to any mid-sized semiautomatic pistol.
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It's nice that you recognize your own limitations. However, once again, it is not about comparison, it is about what is needed to do the job.
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It's pathetic, but there it is. Modern-day Americans - Wimpus Americanus.
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What is perhaps more pathetic is this idea you have that unless everyone follows your dictates and dresses how you want them to and carries what you want them to they are somehow less of a man. Sounds a whole lot like you have a number of unresolved issues, and the concerns for a big gun might be a symptom of them.