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If recoil is a big problem it's best to look at a semi-auto instead of a bolt, lever or pump.
Consider that the 6.8SPC is in the same power range as the 257 Roberts and has less recoil in an AR-15 rifle than a 223 does in a bolt action.
Other than the AR-15, most semi-autos are heavier than a small girl would like to carry, but the Browning lightweight BAR is about the same weight as a mid range bolt gun and can be had in 243 and also 25-06
Maybe just looking at an auto is going to be a bigger help than just reducing the caliber to a 223 or something of that nature.
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