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... I am having a hard time figuring out when one would deploy force (either a strike or pepper spray) prior to the other person actually striking or attempting to strike you.
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First, I hope you understand that you may not lawfully strike someone in
retribution for his having struck you. Your only lawful justification for using force is the necessary and (that means last resort)
defense against an imminent threat of the unlawful use of force against you.
It is not necessary for you to know with absolute certainty that he would strike you
but for your defensive action. What is necessary is a basis for
reasonable belief that you will be attacked
after having done everything possible to dussuade him or prevent him from doing so.
And you most
certainly do not want of get into a situation in which it appears to eyewitnesses that you willingly engaged in a fight. That would destroy your justification for using force at all. Personally, I think that willingly accepting a first blow could cause difficulty on that point.