Too much emphasis is being put on the caliber.
The users ability to shoot accurately is much more important.
(I will take a 5.56 to the foot as opposed to a 38 to my head)
A little research on carbines will show that a 45 acp can generate energy in the 44 magnum range and a 9mm in the 357 magnum range.
https://ballisticsbytheinch.wordpres.../buffalo-bore/
I took the wife to the range. A pistol, shotgun and carbine
Under stress, the pistol was a miss most of the time at 20 feet
The shotgun well, she would not pick it up a second time
and the carbine hit the target most every time, I think 8 of 10 if I remember correctly
We live in a fairly large home, we are not the police so we don't need to clear a home.
So a suppressed CX4 seemed like a good answer.
Ambidextrious, reliable and plenty of room for light, laser or whatever you might want.
If something bizarre took place, I can locate at 50 yards although that would clearly have to be a defensive stance.
Picking up what you can safely handle in the dark and half asleep probably is your best choice regardless of the caliber or type weapon.