Unfortunately, the holster offerings on the market don't typically take women's clothing into consideration. Waist band holsters are usually designed to run on wide belts and shoulder holsters are usually bulky. A LOT of women's pants and skirts have no belt loops or such minimal belt loops that a proper gun belt is simply out of the question. I've actually modified the belt loops on a couple of my wife's skirts so she could wear her gun belt with them.
I know that
Thunderwear and
Smart Carry both recommend wearing their products under skirts and dresses. The Smart Carry products are a little more expensive, but I hear a lot more positive reviews of them. The two are comparable products in concept, but it seems like the Smart Carry is just put together better. A lot of women are uncomfortable with the idea of flashing the bad guy to draw their gun (pulling up the skirt past the hips to clear the holster), but I doubt that it would even come to mind if you feared for your life. My concern is clearing the fabric of the skirt so you could get a clean draw. I'm sure with some practice it could be done effectively, but I'd hate to see someone struggling with her dress in the heat of the moment because she'd never practiced the draw.
My wife dresses professionally for work, and has run into some of the same issues you mention. She refuses to purse carry, as she wants tighter control of her guns. I developed an in the waistband holster with her in mind that works remarkably well
with or without a belt! As long as the garment itself has enough tension to stay up, this holster will retain the gun, keep it in place, and offer a smooth, one-hand draw and re-holster. It probably won't work in sweatpants, but it works in all of her skirts and in her workout pants that have a draw-string. You can see examples of it
here and
here. The first one is the first holster in this format that I put together. There are quite a few details that I wound up revising later on. The brown one is a better example of what they are like now. She's now wearing a newer version of this holster in purple, but I haven't gotten her to model the pics for it yet. It's a seriously beautiful holster! I have stuck to the mid-compact to sub-compact size range on this one, but I imagine that it would work fairly well with a fullsize XD.
My wife has also lamented pretty much giving up dresses. I had said for a long time that I would develop a shoulder holster so that she could wear it with a jacket or vest for concealment. Recently, I got a push to go ahead on the project in the form of several inquiries all at the same time. I haven't posted pics on my website yet, but I'll give you a sneak-peek at what I've put together.
It crosses the back right between the shoulder blades and keeps the payload high under the arms on either side. The pivot point can be adjusted on the strapping up to three inches. This is a modular unit, and I can make modules to fit other guns/mags/speedloaders for the same set of strapping. So, if you decided to carry a Sig instead of your Springfield, it would be as simple as ordering the holster modules for your fitted straps. The strap length is adjustable at all four corners, to draw the modules in tighter if desired. I avoided buckles, as they tend to create bulk and uncomfortable lumps, instead using screw-rivets that can quickly and easily be repositioned with a screwdriver. the extra strap material tucks under the module and lays flat.
I designed it to have the belt-strap as an option, but it seems to operate better without. You can see the 'Don't Tread on Me' stamping in the above picture. There's a coiled snake right underneath the text. I dyed the whole thing yellow to go along with the Gadsden theme. Also, there are Thomas Jefferson quotes covering the straps. I wouldn't necessarily recommend ordering one ornamented like this, but I wanted it to be flashy for the camera.
She's got a speedloader under her right arm where she can grab it with her left hand if she needs more .38 Spl +p. Lord willing, she'll never have to draw the gun in the first place, much less have to reload during a firefight! Even so, too much ammo is preferable to not having enough. Plus, the extra lead helps counter-balance the load. A Springfield magazine pouch would go just as well here. Note on the front of the module I stamped in my "ER" initials with the "E" backwards. At the back of the module, I stamped in the month and year in Roman numerals.
The whole thing hides under a jacket quite nicely. I tried to get her to put on a lighter jacket, but that's the one she wanted to wear. The gun tucks under the arm so nicely that I really don't think it would show if you had anything over it, especially if it was in a color less flashy than taxi-cab yellow.
Of course, this one is for her 5-shot snubby, but the same design should work for pretty much anything that can be rationally concealed. Here's a pic of the gun under the jacket:
I know that I'm not the only one making holster with women in mind, so you might do some Googling around. Also, I agree with oldandslow on visiting
Cornered Cat. That's a wonderful website with lots of insight on all aspects of women with guns!
The nice thing about being a man and carrying a gun is that the clothing is pretty well uniform. We can put a 1.5-inch reinforced belt on pretty much any pants in the closet from yard work jeans to Armani suit pants. I'm of the opinion that a well-dressed lady may need two or three carry options, as your clothing capabilities could change so radically from one outfit to another. Anyway, I hope this helps, and I hope you find what you are looking for!