Shoot a super light weight varmint bullet out of an AR platform and the high velocity through a well built man such as you've described should cause the bullet to basically come apart in him. The danger to the house across the street is only there with a miss, all the same with the shotgun.
I think you did the right thing given the situation. I prefer to have one in the chamber. Racking the action gives away your position, or at least lets someone know you are home. To each their own.
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