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I'm new to shooting, but I recently lost a friend who killed himself with a gun. I hadn't known him long, was looking forward to learning to shoot with him, and he was becoming a mentor to me in other ways. The loss was surprisingly hard for me.
I don't know if you've heard this but I found it helpful to know the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Not everyone hits all the stages or in that sequence, and no telling how much time each one needs, but it's a general guide and maybe just knowing about these stages can give you a sense of support.
Ultimately it's not about the method of death, but still there may be lasting symbolism for you. Give yourself time and let what will happen happen. Best of luck to you, and try to open up to people in your immediate circle.
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