Both are excellent handguns. I'm an XD guy myself, but the M&P's are very nice as well. Difference for me was in feel and grip angle. I also prefer the XDM trigger over the stock M&P. If capacity matters to you, the XDM has a 19 round capacity vs the M&P's 17.
As for looks, the bi-tone stainless and black framed XDM's are better looking than the M&P. At least in my opinion.
If you can, shoo them both and see what you and your wife like best.
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