Well hmmm ...
Certainly no offense, but, back to the "no free lunch" physics lesson. For defense, you'll either need light-weight & (at times VERY) high velocities OR low velocities & heavy(ier) weights to acheive the penetration necessary to hit a bad guy's vitals & do enough damage to stop the threat. & that with proper bullet construction to allow the penetration. Bullet placement obviously & have no doubts that Oleg's in the ball-park here.
Many ongoing discusions in general handgun forum - of which some comments actually have merit.
Bad of me, I guess, but it does boil down to disabling your opponent in the quickest amount of time. Regardless of "street studies" or "shooting jell-o," you must cause enough damage to the BG to cause it (him/her) to break off the attack & go elsewhere.
There's the psychological aspect of getting shot, but that's not a sure thing. The physical aspect is either disconnecting the central nervous system or causing enough blood loss through trauma to cause an unconscience/deabilitating effect.
To do this, you gotta have certain things happening together.
Sad to say Oleg, you may be looking for what just isn't feasible or doable. Could be wrong & way off base here.
I have seen deer/elk shot through the heart and/or lungs w/.308, .30-06 (way more "energy dump" & trauma associated than with any standard defensive pistol caliber) & at that, w/in 20 yards or so .... they still have the "chutzpah" to run away (for a l-o-n-g way at times), have no associative "adreneline/hyped-up BG rush" going for 'em & could do damage, if they had a mind. Handgun calibers are really marginal for the "one-stop shopper" loading & marginalizing their "effectiveness" by a "down-loaded" round could only contribute to its realative ineffectivity.
Best I could advise would be to shoot enough different platforms that will deliver the stated goods PRIMARILY - that is, after all, the intended deciding factor. After that, look for what is comfortable for you to shoot well & decisively.
Without being able to deliver the goods, I'm thinking you're wasting your time re "free lunch" defensive loadings, as in required oomph with "zip-for-recoil." Too, without being able to practise comfortably, you will not be able to shoot accurately enough to put anything on target.
TANSTAAFL