Price is your best guide to how common a caliber of ammo is, there's another thread around that discusses this in the context of .380.
I would leave out .22LR from discussion of defensive handgun calibers.
So my list:
1. 9mm
2. .38 Special
3. .45 ACP
4. .40 S &W
Not sure of a 5th. To start out with a pistol, I would go with 9mm. With a revolver, a .357 magnum which of course fires both .357 and .38 Special.
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