TheNocturnus,
Please print out this article to discuss with your wife. It doesn't address firearms at all, but may be helpful to your conversation about what happened at the door. It's quite possible that embarrassment (unwillingness to be rude) played a big part in what she decided to do and say when the man was on the porch.
http://www.corneredcat.com/article/u...embarrassment/
Hope it helps.
pax