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I'm trying to keep this as simple as possible:
.380: A bad choice for you. These guns are generally too small and light, and may kick a lot.
.38 revolver: Good choice; maybe the best choice, but only if you get a 4 or 6-inch barrel and steel frame. A 6-inch barreled revolver is not a good choice for concealed carry.
9mm auto: Good choice, but only if you prefer an auto to a revolver, and only if you stay away from the very small and light 9mm autos. Make sure both you and wife can pull back the slide and load magazines. I like Glocks because they are simple.
Anything else: A bad choice.
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