Make up some nasty-looking fake boils out of rubber cement and hobby paints. Place them on your face.
Don't shower.
Take hair from morning shavings and cram it in your nose, leaving approximately 1/4" of each hair sticking out of nostrils. Uneveness is key here.
During dining times, let food drip from your mouth onto clothes.
Don't change clothes.
That keep'm away from you until you heal.
