A .40 certainly offers more than a .38 spcl round including a snappier recoil. All things being equal, I'd prefer using a .40 in a SD situation over a .38.
With that said, a Ruger GP offers a lot of options for your wife if she is recoil shy. Start shooting .38s. When she is comfortable with those, move up to .38+P. From there, you might be able to work her into .357 loads for SD.
Additionally, if she isn't willing to shoot a lot, a revolver is a simple point and click firearm.
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