Quote:
something cheap to shoot and practice
but enough stopping power to kill no problem
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First, your goal in a defensive shooting is to stop the threat, not to kill. Your effort to stop the threat to you, your loved ones, or other innocents may or may not prove fatal to an assailant, but your goal is not to kill or to punish, but to escape the threat with as little harm to innocents as possible.
With that out of the way, 9 mm is a good choice for most people in being inexpensive and widely available, yet still a serious self defense round. Recoil is not at all bad, making followup shots easier (faster and more accurate) for many people, and the difference between 9 mm, .40, and .45 in ballistic gel (the only standardized media that we have) is not spectacular. For most people, a first handgun is at least for a while an only handgun, so I like to see them get a 9 mm first for defensive purposes, then get a .22LR for a second pistol for practice that is fun, cheap, and still productive.
Your choice of individual firearm depends very much on your preferences in grip size and shape, presence or absence of a thumb safety, singe- or double-action, and capacity, along with how you dress relative to concealing a firearm. You can only make these choices by handling a lot of handguns, preferably firing rental or borrowed handguns, and thinking about what you learn before you plunk down your money.
ETA: It is a lot more important for you to understand why people made their choices than to know what they chose.