Is there a local range where you can rent/try different handguns? If so, your best bet is to try as many as possible (even if it's only handling them at your local gun store) as there's a *lot* of personal preference involved in selecting the one that's right for you.
I've owned quite a number of different revolvers/pistols over the decades looking for my "perfect" concealed-carry handgun. Closest I've come to date is the SIG P250 in 9mm. 9mm offers decent performance w/relatively mild recoil & greater capacity than 40's & 45's.
The SIG P250 is double-action-only w/a long but light/smooth trigger (like shooting a good revolver) and is modular so you can mix & match different sizes/calibers around a single serialized FCU (fire control unit). You can literally go from a .40 fullsize to a 9mm compact in less than a minute.
Since it's DAO, there's no manual safety or DA/SA transition to worry about under stress.
The P250 isn't for everyone as people seem to either love or hate the DAO trigger w/no inbetween.
For something smaller, the wife and I have a couple of Kahrs (hers in .380, mine in 9mm for when I simply can't carry the P250) which are also DAO-style triggers but are lighter/thinner than our P250's.
Lots of good choices out there, you just have to find what best fits your particular needs and pocketbook.
Tomac
SIG P250 Compact 9mm, P250 Subcompact .380, Kahr CM9 9mm, Kahr P380 .380:
P250 modularity: A subcompact slide on a bobbed compact grip module for ease of carrying but w/a full grip and 15+1 capacity:
