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Old October 22, 2011, 09:01 AM   #58
Senior Member
Join Date: October 31, 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 785
I don't see rudeness on the part of the OP so much as an accident. If he were to deliberately cut into the ATM then that would be rudeness - and rudeness is inflammatory. If when he was approached in his car he yelled in his defense of that accident out of pride that would have been rudeness, and not the best idea.

So the OP made a mistake. I too wish that mistakes never happen but they do because we can not know/do everything. (nor can we be expected to) I'd say that the man who approached the OP's vehicle yelling did something unwise and put himself at risk in a way that didn't aid in accomplishing his goal (informing about cutting in line). Unless his goal included intimidation - which really shouldn't have been part of his goal.

So now what?
It's interesting to note that either of the two people involved could have de-escalated the situation In this case it was the OP who took a step to do so - and it's a good thing he did because the other person did not seem to have enough self control to do so. The OP left his pride behind which made a difference in his response. Here's what I mean. He could have said something like "Hey man back off! It was a mistake man so chill, seriously" - while not "wrong" that would have been rude and still inflammatory in the little jabs of disrespect.

We are going to be perceived as the "aggressors" by others or the "victim" by ourselves in a confrontation and before we get a chance to sort things out having someone de-escalate is a great thing to do in the mean time. Even better to do it yourself instead of wait for the other person or the authorities to do it. Married folks you know what I mean haha. It's the secular version of "showing grace"

Something to point out:

I read a post by another forum member directing me to a webpage about "predator behavior" which suggested we be on the look out for "abnormal" behaviors.

I consider it abnormal behavior to approach a stranger's driver side window following the side of the car (and no greeting along the way). Can you remember the last time you did that to a stranger? Or the last time someone has done that to you? - it's something like "hey can I get a dollar" or "your tire is flat" - either way not a common occurrence so some wariness is expected. I wasn't there so I don't know how close he got to the car door but a component of "getting in someone's face" is intimidation due to proximity. Why not speak from a few feet away from the window? What does being right up next to someone when yelling convey? - the possibility of physical intimidation/action - shoving, striking, making the other guy flinch.. or even opening a car door. People can be extremely impulsive. - the website was a good read and I wish I could put up a link for y'all. It had other abnormal behaviors and danger areas that I didn't previously think about.

Here's a crazy thought:
What would it have taken for the man approaching the van to be the one to de-escalate? I'm having a real hard time imagining that because it would require that he be in a completely different frame of mind. Who knows that could be us sometime if we don't watch it!

I don't mean to be waaay too far off topic but this really resembles the main culprit when my wife and I have a conflict. Inside my head I'd make an assumption that she did something deliberately. Note that the "yelling man" started with "DIDN'T YOU KNOW" rather than "hey I'm not sure if you knew but...."

Last edited by dyl; October 22, 2011 at 09:15 AM.
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