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Old May 13, 2000, 11:33 PM   #29
Staff Emeritus
Join Date: November 23, 1998
Location: a small forest in Texas
Posts: 7,077
I gotta tell ya about Lefty. As you know, she had no left arm. But you might
not have noticed that she had this speech impediment. Had trouble with “L”
and “W” and with “P” and “T”.

(Made it kinda spooky when she ordered “tea” in a restaurant.)

Now Lefty was a shooter. Loved to shoot handguns and was pretty good at it
too. She was the best there was at shooting around corners! Well *some*
corners. She could shoot around corners to the left okay - bein’ truly
“right-handed” like she was - but shooting to the right (around corners, that
is) was pretty tough for her.

Her sister, though, ... well, never mind. I'll save that for August.
Hint: We called Lefty's sister “Loosey” - and I don't mean Lucy.

Anyway, ole Lefty, she had lots of trouble with the Isosceles position for
obvious reasons. Some fool told her to try the Weaver position. In those
days we used the old "cup and saucer" method, as ya know.

Well, ole Lefty speaks up that she couldn't use the Weaver position because
she had no "cup"!

Now Loosey's half-wit neighbor, Big Bob, was a football player who had played
too many games without a helmet. He had only heard the last part of the
conversation and the subject quickly sank to a typical jock's level (so to

Well, Lefty feels insulted as a woman and walks over to Big Bob with this
huge revolver in her right hand. I disremember what kind of gun it was but
it was named after some snake - a Cobra or Anaconda or some such. She
always said, “I wike snakes” but I’m not sure she was talking about guns.

So Lefty walks up to Big Bob and screams, “You tiss me off!” and gives this
big, unexpected lurch and falls flat to the ground.

Now Bob’s not a bad sort, just a touch slow. So, being a gentleman, he
rushes over to Lefty, picks her up and dusts her off real nice until Lefty put a
stop to it.

He asked her what happened! She replied that since she had the gun in her
right hand she tried to slap him with her left! Totally forgettin’ her left arm
was gone!

Big ole Dim Bob asks, “Why didn’t you slap me with your *right* hand?

Well, Lefty shows him the gun in her hand and says, “I had my rod in it!”

Now, Blues Man, I don’t know if this refers to the rod you so indelicately
described or not. I suppose it could be.

But the gist of the matter is that Lefty was so impressed with Bob’s kindness
that she and Bob left together that evening. The last thing Lefty said to
Loosey was something about, “I’m gonna pake Bob and weave”. Now Lefty
meant “take” and “leave” but Loosey wasn’t the hottest bunsen burner in the
lab either. Loosey asks, “You mean you’re gonna take up Boxing?”

I guess the big fight started sometime in the middle of the hysterical
laughter. But I’m a bit low on Shiner and it's gettin' late - I'll have to save that tale for another night.

So, Blues Man, please take good care of ole Lefty. There’s a lot of history in
her, I mean "behind her"!

[This message has been edited by Dennis (edited May 14, 2000).]
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