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Old September 27, 2005, 04:34 PM   #21
Senior Member
Join Date: January 16, 2002
Location: alaska
Posts: 3,301
well duhhhh! i first activate my homes defensive computer (remotes on a chain around my neck).
first the computer scans the home silently, isolating the areas which it needs to 'cleanse' (it will only 'cleanse' DNA that is not on file, thats why you gotta submit a blood/skin/hair sample before you enter my abode). since its night time, the computer (i call her the DefHoCon - Defensive Home Control) sets off flashbangs followed by smoke 'nades.
then i grab my Deagle .50 with lasergrips and lase the room, but its just for show. i reflect the laser off the mirrors all around my home so they can't get a true fix on where i am. that way the perps will (that is, if they can) expend their shots fruitlessly.
once they are done shooting, i activate DefHoCon's secondary measures, a sleeping gas. once they are out cold, DefHoCon contacts the authorities.

now, if the perps are wearing gasmasks and the sleeping gas doesnt work, we go to plan M (plans C through L are classified), which entails dropping crash test dummies holding airsoft weapons and over the intercom is a voice commanding the perps to drop their weapons and go into the prone position.

if that doesnt work i unleash my Robodog (its really just my dachshund, but hes wearing a full level 7 suit (my contacts with NSA give me the latest body armor that the civvie market cant get). but Robodog won't go in without having the proper motivation, so i have to throw a few doggie treats in there that he'll run after. poor mutt, he hasnt figured out yet he can't eat them when hes wearing his suit! haha! (dont worry i treat him very well when the sit has been dealt with and everyones been debriefed.)

now, should Robodog fail in his efforts to stop the perps i bring out the big guns. i have a dual delivery system that mounts two potato guns on my shoulders and a state of the art IR aiming system. i juiced up the guns so that they can launch frozen tatertots at 450 fps, enough to go through two layers of sheetrock but no more. i like to fire a volley of warning shots, but if necessary i can target specific body parts that will immediately incapacitate them. any taters that miss are collected for the next breakfast.

did i mention that i'm so tactical it hurts?
"Every man alone is sincere; at the entrance of a second person hypocrisy begins." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use." - Soren Kierkegaard

Last edited by spacemanspiff; September 27, 2005 at 05:13 PM.
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