View Full Version : Im new here....

June 23, 2008, 07:01 AM
So please forgive my ignorance, but could someone explain the term "Mall Ninja" ?

June 23, 2008, 08:20 AM

June 23, 2008, 08:26 AM
That link just about spells it out. I'll add they're full of pi$$ and vinegar and think they can take on the world and don't have the skill or intelligence to do it.

They're SWAT team/police/Green Beret/etc. wannabes.

June 23, 2008, 08:41 AM
I still get a good laugh reading that B.S.

How boring does your life have to be, to make up stuff like that? I've run across more than a few of these blow hards in my lifetime...and they never cease to amaze me at the lengths they will go to, just to try to impress someone.:rolleyes:

June 23, 2008, 08:42 AM
They kinda look like this:


June 23, 2008, 05:35 PM
And they usually post pics of their weapons with so much crap on it, it's ridiculous..... something like this.....

vox rationis
June 23, 2008, 06:08 PM
I still get a good laugh reading that B.S.

How boring does your life have to be, to make up stuff like that? I've run across more than a few of these blow hards in my lifetime...and they never cease to amaze me at the lengths they will go to, just to try to impress someone.

+1, I also think it is terribly funny. If Gecko was writing that stuff to take the pi$$ out the pseudo tactical crowd and armchair commandos, by inventing that ridiculous persona, then he was brilliant! The whole Mall Ninja moniker, as a pejorative, is also brilliant as it describes so much, and is so insightful at its core!

Here's another link:

Also this term is a part of the established vernacular now, check this out :D:

From the urbandictionary.com
mall ninja
A term used in forums to mean an unexperienced and enthusiastic weapon(usually a firearm)owner who pretends to be a seasoned operator. The phrase came about as a result of an over the top character in a famous satirical thread.

June 23, 2008, 09:31 PM
And here's where they spawn and breed.


If you register, you'll get to see one of the mall ninjas' real life idols replete in his glory. If you don't, you still need to read the thread . . . and remember that these folks are SERIOUS. They're not kidding.


July 2, 2008, 04:55 AM
Kragax, welcome.

I'm pretty new here as well, and don't post very often. But TexasSeaRays link to where the mall ninjas spawn and breed had me rolling on the floor, so I had to thank him for losing an hours work. Unbelievably entertaining. Incidentally, one of the guys who called BS was known as "Bullfrog". Don't I recognise that name? Either from here or THR?

Speaking of "mall ninjas", as an example of expressions and slang, I have heard the expression "seen the elephant" around, but can't quite suss out what it means. Can anyone enlighten me?

Anyway, thanks for the hoot.


P.S. Mr Clean,
Love your key ring. ;)

July 2, 2008, 07:36 AM
I was reading that thread I posted and found out the guy who took these pictures of himself is a school security guard.

Oh my God.



Don't know what's scarier--the attitude of these real life mall ninjas ("military doesn't teach you anything we don't already know") or the legions of admirers they have.


July 2, 2008, 07:49 AM
That really is knee-slapper stuff. Speaking of which, the double knee pads really make him all the more tacticool.

On the other hand, as so many of his admirers wrote in the thread you posted, it actually is up to him if he wants to play dress-up like that. However, I might have second thoughts of putting my kids into the school he works at. But then again, my kids like playing dress-up...

July 2, 2008, 08:32 AM
What type of sling is that on the shotgun?

I can't tell if that AK is 7.62 or 5.45.....

What type of holster would fit well on an outfit like that?

Someone please talk about guns in here......:D

July 2, 2008, 09:31 AM
Alright, OK, gun-related, sorry.
I believe the AK is a Saiga and the mag is from an airsoft if I remember reading the thread correctly. The sling and the front stock padding on the Saiga are what impress me the most.


July 2, 2008, 10:17 AM
"seeing the elephant" I believe is a term used if a person has been in combat, most likely in a wartime situation.

Ex. "My uncle served under Patton during the Battle of the Bulge, he was in a tank destroyer unit, he has seen the elephant." (A true statement by the way, he was one of the first units to carry the orginal bazzokas.)

July 2, 2008, 10:42 AM
mall ninjas are usually overweight also.

July 2, 2008, 01:03 PM
That is still to this day some of the funniest stuff I have ever read.

Those Asians Gangs love Mortal Combat. I went to “condition red,” and discretely unholstered my Glock17 loaded with Black Talons.

I motioned to my partner to sweep right to flank the arcade, but he was already in motion sensing the trouble in my facial expression. My partner drew his S&W 1006 and went prone behind a potted palm tree.

I crept towards the arcade, when the power went out. It was an ambush! I could still see relatively well due to the full moon, shining through the building’s skylights, and years in a dark secret Russian prison center had honed my natural night vision to that of a tomcat.

A perp popped up from behind the Orange Julius counter with a full auto Kalashnikov with a 75rd drum, and opened up in the direction of my partner, meanwhile two perps popped up from behind the skeeball machine with sawed off 12 gauges.

Another two perps appeared on the upper level and brought down hell-fire on us from above. One had a Winchester Model 70 in .30-06 with a 10x scope and the other was laying down suppressive fire with a Mac10 variant. The perps were all sporting cheap russian NVGs.

I dove under a metal bench, and lined my sights on the AK bandit. A double-tap to the chest, and a quick follow-up to the head brought him down like a sack of potatos. My partner had been hit in the leg by some buckshot but he kept fighting like a champ, he took out one of the shotgunners with a 10mm hollowpoint to the temple, while I started unloading into the glass partition that surrounded the upper level.

When the sniper ran for cover I drew a bead on him, adjusted for distance, and dropped two into his abdomen. The Mac-man ran for it, at the sight of the bloody guts pouring out his partner’s stomach. I did a quick tactical reload, grabbed the 870P from the harness on my back, and did some rolls over to the movie theater and back flipped over the concession counter while unloading the 5 rounds of 000 into the skeeball machine.

My partner was pinned down, I tossed the empty 870, and realized I couldn’t hit the remaining perp due to my the poor angle of attack. I had to act fast or my partner was done for. I leap over the counter again, and low crawled towards the arcade unseen. I crept behind the Mrs. PacMan game, and when I heard the perp reload, jumped up with my trusty K-Bar, and threw it into the perp’s arm, pinning him against the wall behind him.

When the smoke cleared, we had three dead perps, and two very scared prisoners. My partner was slighting wounded but he would live to fight another day.

The company goons came in fast by chopper, to cover up the situation. The remaining perps were flown to a company detention center, and we never found out what happened to them, or why they made such a vicious attack. My belief is that they were planning to hijack the coveted Mortal Combat game unit.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Man, that just HAS to be written in jest. NO ONE is really that stupid.....are they? :confused:

July 2, 2008, 01:25 PM
I think I had one of them in my Basic Pistol Course.

It was something watching the instructor deal with his implied experience!

July 2, 2008, 02:08 PM
Ah yes, I am beginning to understand. I know one of these guys. Crazy as a %$#*house rat. Thanks for the laughs.

July 2, 2008, 02:27 PM
In the Army we always said the bigger the Aviator's watch, the smaller his penis...

With Mall Ninjas and other wannabes. the more gear they have the smaller the...well you can figure it out.

July 2, 2008, 03:33 PM

That is The Funniest Thing I have ever Read, I could barely keep reading i was laughing so hard.

That guy really can be serious, can he?

July 2, 2008, 04:29 PM
I have worked mall security for many years now and.... bahhhahahahahahah! When I saw the title of this thread was "Mall Ninja" I had to take a quick look. 2 hours later here I am, having just read some of the greatest work in the history of comedic literature. Someone should seriously compensate these mall ninja retards for their entertainment ability. Classic stuff.

Capt. Charlie
July 2, 2008, 09:29 PM
OK guys, this one's been good for a laugh (or two), and Kragax got his answer, but other than a good example of how not to do it :D, this really ain't on topic. So, let's call it a night on this one.