Pithy comebacks to Anti Statements

[ZeSpectre]

I put this in Tactics and Training because sometimes (often) the assaults that come at us are of a verbal nature and learning how to counter that can be every bit as important in the long run as knowing how to respond to an actual physical attack.

Thus I present the verbal self defense primer #1
(Feel free to add but please keep it fairly high road).

Anti Gun statements and pithy comebacks…

"I hate guns."
"I despise ignorance. Your point is?"

"Guns are only made to Kill."
"Or to defend a person from a killer."

"All guns should be outlawed."
"Then only outlaws will have guns and they'll use them against unarmed citizens...like you."

"Only the military and police should have guns."
"See any policemen or soldiers nearby?"
OR
"That worked so well in Europe back in the 30's didn't it?"

"I'll never own or touch a gun they have no purpose."
"Why don't you post a sign that says just that outside your front door?"

"I depend on the Police to keep me safe."
"You probably don't remember the Rodney King riots in LA then, right?"
OR
"You've been lucky so far, eh?"
OR
"If you expect the police to always be able to protect you, why are the ones who show up at crimes called 'detectives' instead of 'defenders'? Detectives try to find a criminal after they've committed a crime."

"I don't believe in guns"
"Let me assure you, they do exist".
Or
“Well, they exist. So do rape, murder, beatings and burglary.”

“ Civilians don't need firearms”
“ I have 5 words for you "Katrina, Los Angeles and Auschwitz."
"that's an extreme and silly argument"
"two of the 3 happened in the last decade and the unarmed were victims of criminals who didn't care if their weapons were illegal. In 2 of the 3 cases the courts said the police don't have to give a damn about your safety, and in the 3rd the police helped commit the crime."

"why do you carry a gun?"
"Because I can't carry a cop!"

"why do you carry a gun are you planning on shooting someone?"
“Why do you wear a seatbelt, are you planning on a crash?”

“I don't know why you need a gun”
“I bet there are a lot of things you don't know”

“Guns cause crime”
“Spoons cause fat”
or
"Pencils cause misspelling" (and so forth)

Why do you carry a gun?
Do you believe people should be allowed to defend themselves? (usually answered yes)
Do you believe people should be allowd to learn martial arts to do it? (usually answered yes)
Well, shooting is a martial art. We just don't wear the funny outfits.

“You must be compensating for something”
“My inability to throw a rock at 1200 fps”
or
"If I was compensating I wouldn't have bought a 4" barrel"

“They should ban all guns to stop all this violence”
“Look how well banning things worked for prohibition and the war on drugs”
or
"because nobody was violent before guns were invented, just ask Gengis Kahn"

“Why do you carry a gun?”
"Madame, I believe in being prepared." -Gen. George Patton
Or
I carry a gun because, in this dangerous world, I may have to kill a criminal to save an innocent's life (probably my own).

"No one should own a gun."
“Interestingly, the cities with the strictest gun control have the greatest gun crime problems. Why? Because regular citizens are unarmed and the criminals know it.”

"Why are you into guns?"
“I like history. Guns are historic. But more than that, I can think of no other hobby that opens such a wide variety of scientific, historical and social topics. Do golfers discuss the metallurgy in their clubs? No. Do bowlers discuss the historical significance of the pins? No. Guns, reloading and shooting have introduced me to metallurgy, history, physics, chemistry, research, mathematics, social studies, law, politics, military history, wildlife biology, mechanics and a host of other sciences.”

"Guns should be banned."
“I have never been arrested, never committed a crime beyond a speeding citation, but with the flick of a pen you would brand me a criminal, and a dangerous and violent criminal at that? There are numerous words for that attitude: arrogant, dictatorial and naive.

"Even if one child is saved, banning guns would be worth it."
Okay, let's take that further. Far more children die on our nation's highways than from guns. So, let's reduce the nationwide highway and freeway speed limit to 35 mph. Boy, wouldn't that save lives?
And as for what constitutes a "child," consider this: Until a few years ago, Handgun Control Inc. skewed its figures by defining a child up to the age of 20! I'm sure that the 19-year-old Marine was astounded to learn he was still a child.
Many of those "child" shootings include shootings by and toward gang members. A 15-year-old gang member, shot by police in defense, finds his way into the HCI statistics. Or a 15-year-old gang member killed by rival members is listed by HCI. Kinda changes the whole outlook of those "statistics" doesn't it?

"Why do you have guns?"
"Protection."
"What about the police? Why not call them?"
"Poor resonse times."
"You know this from personal experiance?"
"Yes.”

“I don’t think just anybody should have a gun”
“I agree completely but the damned criminals just won’t listen”

"They can take it away and use it to kill you"
"If I draw a gun it is because they ALREADY have the means to kill me and I am in fear of my life”.
Or
“Ah so you are saying they already plan to kill me so I should be unarmed?”
Or
"If it’s that easy then i'll just take it right back"

"You’re carrying a gun? Why? How often do you think people get killed out here, anyway?"
"Once."

Person #1: "You gun-lovers and your weapons are a danger to society. I wish you would get the hell out and start a country of your own!"
Person #2: "We did! Where did YOU come from?"

[Creature]

Love that last one...it's getting filed away for later use.

[Tanzer]

I'm usually prteyy good at comebacks, buy I gotta hand it to ya, That's a good bunch of stuff. How about posting it in PDF for download? That'd look great on the bulletin board where I work, but the libs would tear it down.

[sdj]

I love the bit about the 35 mile an hour speed limit.

Nice post.

There's little doubt in my mind that automobiles are involved in more deaths than handguns or rifles. Drive any major highway in the country and count the crosses. And the crosses we see are usually the recent ones. Some intersections where I live would look like Arlington Cemetery if the crosses were more robust, more long-lasting.

There was an article in Time magazine a few months ago (a few dozen months?!) that treated the topic of accidental death in America. If I recall, the top two theaters of accidental death were none other than the automobile (no big surprise; f=m*a, as we all know), and the staircase (f=m*a still well in tact).

Think of all the lives saved if we took up the example of the Amish, trading in our cars for horses! And imagine a world with no stairs! ;)

Godspeed,

SDJ

[Archie]

I hate guns and violence!

Okay, I won't shoot until after they get you.

[Mike in VA]

Simply excellent.

How about, "So you don't believe in guns, but how come the first thing you do when there is danger at your door is call 9-1-1 for someone with a gun to come save you[r sorry @$$]? You're a hypocrite and a coward. You won't fight for your own life, but you expect some underpaid civil servant to do it for you . . . " This tends to kill the conversation:D

[easyG]

"I hate guns."
"Then don't buy one."

"Guns are only made to Kill."
"What?!? And all of this time I've been trying to text message with mine. Damn!"

"All guns should be outlawed."
"Yeah. Especially the ones owned by politicians."

"Only the military and police should have guns."
"Are you crazy? You don't trust an 18 year old Soldier with a beer but you'll trust him with a gun? That's just crazy!"

"I'll never own or touch a gun they have no purpose."
"You don't know how glad I am to hear that. Now again, where did you say you live?"

"I depend on the Police to keep me safe."
"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Man, you crack me up!"

"I don't believe in guns"
"Well then, if it ever occurs, you're going to have a real hard time proving in a court of law that you were indeed shot with a gun."

“ Civilians don't need firearms”
“ Come'on, you can't seriously expect us civilians to stab all of our attackers to death. Have a heart for Pete's sake."

"why do you carry a gun?"
"Just in case I meet someone whom I need to shoot. It makes it much easier when you already have the gun with you."

"why do you carry a gun are you planning on shooting someone?"
“Well, I'm not really planning on it, but I can always hope."

“I don't know why you need a gun”
“Meet me tonight in the government housing projects, around 1:00am, and I'll tell you all about it."

“Guns cause crime”
“I was thinking of a pithy reply to your ignorant statement but now I can see the problem....you're an idiot."

Why do you carry a gun?
"Because I called the psychic hotline last night and Rita, spiritual guide to the great beyond, told me that I was going to be acosted and pestered by some anti-gun retard today. And if I shot him it would please the spirits and free my dead father's soul from his fifty year stretch in limbo.
Why do you ask?"

“You must be compensating for something”
“I killed the last man who made jokes about my...well, you know. Are you laughing at me?!?"

“They should ban all guns to stop all this violence”
“No, you've got it all wrong! We need to INCREASE the violence. Once all the violent folks have killed off everyone else then there will be a lasting peace. So it is written in the sacred text. Ohmmmmmm."

“Why do you carry a gun?”
"This is my pistol, this is my gun. This one's for killing, and this one's for fun. Really, how do you expect to make it through Basic if you can't remember that?!?"

"No one should own a gun."
“I agree with you completely! No ONE PERSON should own a gun...we should ALL own a gun! I like the way you think friend!"

"Why are you into guns?"
“Well, actually I'm into collecting human heads. The guns just make my hobby easier."

"Guns should be banned."
“Yeah, just like how we banned drugs. By the way, you want a hit of this primo stuff I scored last night?"

"Even if one child is saved, banning guns would be worth it."
"Not if that one child was like all deformed like, and like all crazy and skanky like, and like all covered with lake seaweed like that Jason from the movie Friday The 13th Part II. That would be like totally NOT worth it."

"Why do you have guns?"
"Because I have heard some rumors that there are some pinheads out there who actually want to ban them. So I figure that if these idiots ever actually get thier way then I will already have my own arsenal. And then they will be easy pick'ns. Why do you ask?"

“I don’t think just anybody should have a gun”
“yeah, you definitely shouldn't....they're kinda complicated."

"They can take it away and use it to kill you"
"Well heck, I have my pistol right here.
Care to demonstrate?"

This one's perfect!
"You’re carrying a gun? Why? How often do you think people get killed out here, anyway?"
"Once."


Person #1: "You gun-lovers and your weapons are a danger to society. I wish you would get the hell out and start a country of your own!"
Person #2: "That's a great idea!
And then we could declare war on your country, and we would take over your country because you guys wouldn't have any guns, and the only thing you guys would have would be little sissy girly-men, and we would use our guns to take over, and then we would take your women! Hahahahahaha!!! Hahahahahaha!!!"



In all seriousness, I have discovered long ago that it is pointless debating with adults who are anti-gun.
Nothing you say will change their opinion.

If they're a teenager or even pre-teen, and anti-gun, you still have a chance to open their eyes.
But an adult? Not a chance.

[chilie23]

let the sheep keep their eyes down and averted from reality

[Bender711]

One of my favorites is a response to
"all guns should be outlawed"
"wouldn't banning killing people be more to the point?"

A good response to any of them
"what's the weather like up you ass?"

[TwoXForr]

I'll give it a try:

"Why do you own guns?"

"Because they are so hard to rent."

:) or :p or :eek:

[one-shot-one]

before the folks show up to tell us that we should play nice and kissup to those that would see us in chains. i just want to say i thought easyG was funny!:D

[restlessnomad]

Good stuff....

[leadcounsel]

"Why do you need/want X number of guns?"

It's the Bill of Rights, not the Bill of Needs/Wants.

[ZeSpectre]

"Why do you need/want X number of guns?"

It's the Bill of Rights, not the Bill of Needs/Wants.

Damn, I KNEW I forgot one I'd heard before.
Thanks Leadcounsel

[Crosshair]

As a NFA owner, I have a few.

Why would you need a silencer?

Why do you need a muffler on your car?
To reduce noise pollution.
If I am out varminting with friends and i'm the only one with a centerfire rifle, it would be rude of me to make them all wear muffs during the summer. (I use this one alot.)
Because I don't want to scare away the prarie dogs when I am shooting at them. (Use this one too.)
To protect my hearing, yet remain as aware of my surroundings as possible. This keeps everyone safe.
Shooting muffs and hippie hair don't mix. (Hurts alot when it gets caught in the muffs and I have to untangle it.)

[Wayfaring_Stranger]

"Only the military and police should have guns."

"That worked so well in Europe back in the 30's didn't it?"

LMAO, but I doubt an anti would get it.

"why do you carry a gun?"
"Because I can't carry a cop!"

Reminds me of the shootout in front of my house a few weeks ago. I asked the sheriffs why they weren't near my house protecting me, they said "because we were holding a perimiter around the perp, you just happened to be inside that perimeter", which would be funny if it wasn't me inside that perimeter. My 12ga was my only piece of mind.

[BillCA]

ZeSpectre and EasyG, you guys might be on to something here. :p


"I hate guns."
Lots of folks do. But then, lots of folks approved of slavery too.

"Guns are only made to Kill."
Sure makes 'em handy for self-defense, doesn't it?

"All guns should be outlawed."
Why not? We outlawed drugs and we know how well that's working.

"No one needs an AK-47 for deer hunting."
No one needs to drive a Lexus, BMW or Mercedes, so why not just make everyone drive a Geo Metro?
or - With a five-shot magazine, it makes a dandy deer rifle.

"There is no legitimate use for 'weapons of war' in our society."
Not if you exclude all hunting activities, target shooting, historical preservation, and self-defense uses.

"The 2nd Amendment just allows states to have militias, it doesn't mean everyone can own a gun."
Then why is there not one single sentence in documents of the Constitutional convention that even hints that it's a state right? And many state consitutions include the same wording. Does that mean the right of the people really means the right of a county instead?

"Only the military and police should have guns."
Tell that to someone who survived the "purges" by Stalin or Chairman Mao, or Cambodia's killing fields or the Holocaust.

"I'll never own or touch a gun they have no purpose."
Nope, well, other than self-defense, hunting, skeet, trap, target shooting, recreational shooting, varmint control and tournament matches.

"I depend on the Police to keep me safe."
You really are naive, aren't you?

"I don't believe in guns"
Apparently, neither did Nicole Simpson.
or - Do you also not believe in violent criminals?

“Civilians don't need firearms”
Of course not. If someone breaks in to your house at 2am and you scream, a cop will be there in less than 10 seconds, right?

"why do you carry a gun?"
Because it's more convenient than a broadsword.
or - One violent crime every 6 seconds seems like a good reason.
or - (for women) One rape every two minutes seems like a good reason.
or - Because I can't train it to follow me.
or - Because it gets all scratched up if I drag it behind me.

"why do you carry a gun are you planning on shooting someone?"
Same reason you carry a cell-phone; because I might need it.
or - Only if they threaten my life.
or - Not until we started this conversation.

“I don't know why you need a gun”
Ever hear of someone being killed in a robbery? Well, there ya go!

“Guns cause crime”
The Earth is flat, the sun revolves around the Earth, blacks are inferior to whites... oh, aren't we discussing myths and falsehoods?

“You must be compensating for something”
Yup. I'm compensating for being about 30 years older, slower and weaker than the average violent predator.

“They should ban all guns to stop all this violence”
Why don't we just ban violence, instead? Oh...that didn't work either.
or - How's that going to stop thugs from using knives, baseball bats or just ganging up on someone?

"No one should own a gun."
Well, most certainly you shouldn't own one.
or - Yup, that'll help your grandmother when two young punks break into her house and knock her around, won't it?
or - Yeah, I guess my neighbor can outrun a couple of thugs in her wheelchair.

"Why are you into guns?"
Because it's fun, actually. Like golf, you compete against yourself, hone your skills, improve your concentration. Unlike golf, those skills can be used to protect myself and family in times of crisis.

"Guns should be banned."
We've banned drugs but they still come across our borders. Hell, they're even available in jails and prisons. We tried banning booze once and that didn't work to well either.

"Even if one child is saved, banning guns would be worth it."
Uh-huh. But wouldn't it also be true that if a gun saved a child's life, having guns would be worth it?

"Why do you have guns?"
Because the police are not legally obiligated to respond to your calls for help. That surprises you? That's what every court in the land says. If you call 911 and even if they fail to do anything about your call, you can't sue them for failing to protect you.
(rebuttal) "Oh, But that's not likely to happen."
No? Did you know that an average of 100,000 calls to 911 go unanswered every year? I'm not going to play Russian roulette with the lives of my family.

“I don’t think just anybody should have a gun”
Especially people who think their opinion of what other people should own should be taken seriously.
or - Certainly not the kind of people with your muddled thinking.
or - Not everybody should have a car, either.

"They can take it away and use it to kill you"
If they know I have it, it's because it's in my hand. If it's in my hand and they try to take it, it'll be empty IF they manage to take it away from me.
or - If they know I have it, it's because it's in my hand. If it's in my hand and they try to take it, they'll know where all of the bullets have gone.

"Guns are dangerous."
Darn tootin'! I'd hate to use a daffodil against a mugger!

[ZeSpectre]

"why do you carry a gun?"
"Because it gets all scratched up if I drag it behind me."

Oh, that one had me laughing.
+1,000 style points for an extremely pithy comeback!

[rugerdude]

Oh man, I love the reverse logic on the child issue!!!!!!!

[ZeSpectre]

Hey,
Help me come up with some good ones to counter
Only the (police, government, military, etc) have enough training to handle guns.

The "only I'm well trained enough to handle this glock four-taaay" reply is only funny to gunnies, nobody else gets it <sigh>.


Also
"I don't believe in guns"
"But if you call the police for help I bet you expect them to be armed".

[BillCA]

Only the (police, government, military, etc) have enough training to handle guns.

That'll come as some surprise to the millions of hunters, marksmen and target shooters who shoot the majority of the 1 billion rounds of ammo produced every year.

or - Is that why we hear of the cops firing a dozen or more shots and only hitting their subject once?

or - If recent shootings, where multiple cops each fire half a dozen shots into a car and only make two hits, are the examples, then their training really stinks.

[ksmash01]

"why do you carry a gun"

"because I would feel bad if I had to use you for body armor"
or
"my gun has nothing to do with the pistol I have" refer to "Full Metal Jacket"
or
Scream "LOOKOUT........" with a serious loud commanding tone, wait for them to duck or move or whatever then say "this is a test...if that were an armed assailant...you would've either died wishing you had a weapon to protect yourself, or been saved by me and my pistol."

[Skunk]

Now those are some great comebacks from all you folks.

Very entertaining indeed. :) I plan to use a bunch of them.

Skunk

[Freetacos]

"What's that big bulge in your pants"
"My gun"

[BillCA]

Only a paranoid would feel the need to carry a gun.
It's not paranoia, it's preparedness.
or - I don't feel, I think and that's why it's called being prepared.
or - I prefer to call it "precaution"

People shouldn't carry guns. They'll shoot each other over a parking place or a fender-bender.
Oooh, did someone have a bad day at the mall?
or - Just because you would be that stupid, doesn't mean I will.

I'm against people carrying concealed weapons.
Me too, but every time someone carries openly, people like you wet their pants and call the cops.

Your right to carry a gun doesn't outweigh my right to feel safe.
Your right to feel safe does NOT outweigh my right to actually BE safe.
or - Thank you, Mr. my-rights-are-more-important-than-your-rights Facist.
or - Your right to express idiotic ideas does not outweigh my right to ignore you.

The second amendment is a collective right, not an individual one.
Collective rights are what you have in a hippie commune, not the constitution.

[ZeSpectre]

forgot one I heard someone else say.

Hey what's that (pointing to someone who was printing)

them, "Medical device"

[Zombie Steve]

Anyone remember "All in the Family"?

"Daddy, do you know how many people were killed by handguns last year?"

"Honey, would you prefer they were pushed out of windows?"

God Bless Archie Bunker.

I had this one last fall with a co-worker - "Why do you need a gun?"

"Because pheasants won't get into my skillet no matter how nice I ask."

[Ozzieman]

"Only the military and police should have guns."
"That worked so well in Europe back in the 30's didn't it?"

I acutely used that one once, but the sad thing is that the lady didn’t know what I was talking about.
Sad state of affairs when people born in the last 30 years can only say
"I don’t know what all the hub bub world war 2 was about,
I mean why do they make all those movies about it, it was so long ago.”
She actually said that.

[Tanzer]

How about;
"Guys who carry guns are compensating"
Answer; "The only thing I compensate for is the stupidity of some of the people around me".

[Bruxley]

That speed limit analogy was good. I have a similar one.

"If only one child is saved then banning guns is worth it."

"Truth is, many many more children die every year in their own yard in private swimming pools. Given that fact, and following your logic, swimming pools should be banned and children only be permitted to swim in public pools with trained lifeguards. Private citizens cannot be trusted with such a dangerous item as a pool and only trained professionals such as lifeguards and the Coast Guard should be trusted with their safe use. Really, is it worth risking the lives of CHILDREN to have a private pool?"

Works with the "only cops and military should have guns" too.

[workinwifdakids]

"You must be compensating for something."

"Nah. It's so when you ask me to give you 12 inches and make it hurt, I can do you twice and then thump you on the head with my gun." :eek:
_ _ _ _ _

To be honest, on the rare occasion anyone's rude about my hobby, I nod and quietly say, "You might be right. I've never thought about it that way." It usually gives them vapor lock.

[revjen45]

Answer to several of the whiney hoplophobe pronouncements: "What color is the sky on your planet?"