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Old January 2, 2013, 09:15 PM   #1
MB21
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A Speech I Wrote on Gun Control

Now, before you guys criticize me for the speech, please remember I am a High School senior. Don't judge too critically. But this is my take on the gun control issue. I will be reciting this next week to pass speech class.

http://www.essayupload.com/view_essay.php?id=152
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Old January 2, 2013, 09:27 PM   #2
nate45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MB21
Now, before you guys criticize me for the speech, please remember I am a High School senior. Don't judge too critically. But this is my take on the gun control issue. I will be reciting this next week to pass speech class.
I'm just happy to see a High School Senior who can write your OP, more less your essay.

I thought it was fairly well written. I'll only suggest that you might want to leave out the part below.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MB21 in his essay
There are several things that are fishy about the story with the shooting. Many different accounts have been told about the firearms used. The Chief Medical Examiner at the hospital said that there was definitely a Bushmaster AR-15 involved in the school shooting. But a rifle was recovered from the trunk of the suspect’s car, not in the school where the other firearms were found. A video that can quickly be found by googling “Sandy Hook Massacre AR-15 found” clearly shows that the firearm is not an AR type rifle. If so, why did the media state that it was an AR-15?
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Old January 2, 2013, 09:38 PM   #3
CWKahrFan
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It's good.
Glad to see you putting your views out there.
I basically agree with what Nate45 said about leaving that part out... It doesn't add anything and kind of clouds the issue.

I'm just going to quote one of our TFL posters here for an example of some of the "pithiest" writing on the subject I've seen. If you want to add a quote to your speech, I feel it'd be a good one:

"Criminally insane people will never run out of ways to manifest their violent fantasies. Solutions are not found by focusing on the tool used any more than obesity is about the silverware.

In America, we don't set the bar for liberty based on the acts of a few miscreants.

Both guns and gasoline are manufactured for the benefit of mankind. There is not much that's more dangerous than a psychopath with 5 gallons of gasoline and a match.

But if gas and matches became the weapon of choice for sociopaths, we would go after the sociopaths, not matches or gasoline. There would be no rationing of gasoline, no waiting period, no registration showing the number of gallons purchased. To even suggest that approach would be properly seen as madness."

- written by “Maestro Pistolero” on thefiringline.com
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Last edited by CWKahrFan; January 2, 2013 at 09:44 PM.
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Old January 2, 2013, 09:51 PM   #4
MB21
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Thanks, both of you for the input. I will admit, this is my second 1000+ word essay in two days, so my brain is slightly fried. I will probably take that part that Nate said out, and will consider adding the quote, as I like it very much.
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Old January 5, 2013, 01:02 AM   #5
4D5
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MB21,

Very well written speech. You put in effort and thought and have good content. When you give your speech, stand proud and give your speech with conviction. The TFL members will be cheering you on.

Here's some things that you may like to give some though.

something that used to be just for automatics, short barreled rifles, and suppressors

something that is currently used to register machine guns, short barreled rifles, and suppressors

that can fire fully automatic
that are capable of fully automatic fire
note:they can also fire in semi-auto mode as well

a round is touched off
a round is discharged
sounds more informative and not like the thoughts and concept you are trying to discourage

taking a law abiding citizen’s means of defense away from him is not the answer

taking a law abiding citizen’s means of defense away is not the answer
will keep the gals on your side
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Old January 5, 2013, 01:10 AM   #6
Aguila Blanca
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You might find some ideas in this post, from the M1911.ORG e-zine: http://ezine.m1911.org/showthread.php?t=160

The editor in me has to point out that the opening sentence in your second paragraph is incorrect: "First, I will go into detail about the current gun control bill and how it affects people like you and I."

The last word should be "me." To test whether a "you and __" sentence should be "you" or "I," remove the "you and" and read the sentence as it would be constructed just about yourself. You would not say (I hope) " ... it affects people like I."
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Old January 5, 2013, 05:53 PM   #7
Spats McGee
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First of all, MB21, congratulations. My wife teaches Freshman Composition at one of our colleges. I have seen quite a few essays over the past couple of years and I can assure you that yours is written better than many I have seen.

With that said, I have to chime in with a couple of other posters here:
Quote:
Originally Posted by MB21 in his essay
There are several things that are fishy about the story with the shooting. Many different accounts have been told about the firearms used. The Chief Medical Examiner at the hospital said that there was definitely a Bushmaster AR-15 involved in the school shooting. But a rifle was recovered from the trunk of the suspect’s car, not in the school where the other firearms were found. A video that can quickly be found by googling “Sandy Hook Massacre AR-15 found” clearly shows that the firearm is not an AR type rifle. If so, why did the media state that it was an AR-15?
Do you see why this muddies the waters about the "fishiness" of the story?
1) The story that seems fishy is that an AR was used the shooting.
2) Your assertion is that
a) a rifle was found in the trunk of the car; but
b) that rifle was not an AR
The (logical) problem is that unless the shooter put guns back into the trunk of the car, the police finding X there only means that he did not use X in the shooting.

The following sentence needs a little something to be complete.
Quote:
It bans certain cosmetics on the rifle, and the details haven’t been released on which cosmetics are to be banned.
Oh, and you might want to look at how you phrased the following:
Quote:
I have personally used the two most common rounds for killing humans in the Middle East for varmints.
I think you mean that you've used the round for varmints, but on a quick read, the first part of the sentence reads:
Quote:
I have personally used the two most common rounds for killing humans . . .
That's not really the impression that you want to leave, right?

Well done.
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