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Old December 16, 2012, 12:05 PM   #1
PetahW
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Join Date: September 19, 2008
Posts: 4,679
Puns For Thinkers

1.) The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference - He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.) An eye-doctor was once seen on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3.) She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4.) A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.) No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6.) A dog gave birth to puppies near the road, and was cited for littering.

7.) If a grenade were thrown into a Parisian kitchen, it would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.) Two silk worms had a race - They ended up in a tie.

9.) A hole was been found in a nudist-camp wall - The police are looking into it.

10.) Time flies like an arrow / Fruit flies like a banana.

11.) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.) Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway, and one hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.) I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger - Then it hit me.

14.) A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15.) The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16.) The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.) A backward poet writes inverse.

18.) In a democracy it's your vote that counts- In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19.) When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.) you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21.) When a vulture carrying two dead raccoons boarded an airplane, the stewardess looked at him and said: ' I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23.) Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly the boat sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.) Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One said: 'I've lost my electron.'
The other said: 'Are you sure ?'
The first replied: 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.) Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.) There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

27.)Two nuns walked into a bar - You would have thought the second one would have ducked.


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Old December 16, 2012, 12:08 PM   #2
Mal H
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Join Date: March 20, 1999
Location: Somewhere in the woods of Northern Virginia
Posts: 14,494
Funny but not firearms related.
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