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Old December 14, 2012, 09:57 PM   #1
Ruthless4christ
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My girlfriend is anti gun!!?!?!?!?!?

I can’t believe I overlooked this. I just found out my girlfriend of almost 2 years is against guns. Apparently she did not bring it up because she knew it was important to me.

She is from a country where there has been major violence in the populace and feels they are wrong. My first impulse was to get her to a range so I could get her broke in but she is not having it.
On top of this she says her son (who will probably be me step son some day) will never touch guns.

Thoughts? Tactics?

Last edited by Ruthless4christ; December 14, 2012 at 10:03 PM.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:00 PM   #2
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Mind if I ask what Country she is from?

One thought would be to show her the positive aspects of gun ownership.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:01 PM   #3
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Have her go to www.corneredcat.com. Pax has the best book out there.

If that is not convincing, then you decide about the relationship. We ain't Dear Abby, BTW.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:02 PM   #4
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Don't press it, simply ask her if she would. If she says no, leave it at that, she obviously cares about you enough to be able to look past her own beliefs. So long as you don't pressure her, then perhaps she'll come around.

Is there an appleseed shoot near where you are? If there is, take her to one so that she can learn the basics from trained professionals.

If that isn't an option, I'd say start off with a simple .22lr handgun or perhaps a rifle. Don't give her a hand cannon, show her that there are many good folks out there that are responsible with firearms, that is if she is willing to be so open minded.

Good luck, I wish you the best in your endeavors.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:05 PM   #5
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I’d prefer not to give the country but there has been a lot of war and civil strive in her lifetime.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:11 PM   #6
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Not sure how to put this, but are you sure you want this battle?
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:12 PM   #7
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If her son were being threatened, how would she defend him?
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:13 PM   #8
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She does not have to like guns. So what? As long as she will not prohibit your owning them or your are willing to give them up then no problem. If I found the perfect woman to marry I would compromise anything but the singe most important issue, and I'm sure you get that. I think it goes God, family and whatever.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:14 PM   #9
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You're focusing on a tree and forgetting the forest.

The real question is: "What else is important to you that she's not bringing up?"

Don't dismiss this as a simple clash of views on a particular topic. She intentionally hid this from you for 2 years, and that's not a good sign at all.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:15 PM   #10
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Are you sure this girl is right for you? she seems to like you if she also overlooked this. I personally seek companionship with like minded females for the most part, I guess I could overlook it as well, as long as I didn't get my chops busted over it very often.

My GF is also from another country, a communist country where essentially only approved communists have guns, or can run for office, and many other things to be sure, I guess that's why they fled.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:22 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthless
Thoughts? Tactics?
Find a new girlfriend.

Seriously. My wife and I will have been married for nine years in a couple of weeks. We were both married before and she has adult kids (and grandkids), so we are adults. She knew I was into shooting before we got married. She periodically mentions that she doesn't like guns, but she hasn't objected to my continuing my hobby (and it occasionally brings in a couple of much-appreciated bucks if I get an article published).

So today she saw the news about the school shooting in Connecticut, and IMMEDIATELY started in about how guns are evil, guns cause this type of incident, the Constitution is obsolete and needs to be replaced, etcetera, etcetera. I understand that Winter is arriving, but even so, it has been downright chilly around my house this evening.

I do not think you can reason with women who hate guns.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnKSa
Don't dismiss this as a simple clash of views on a particular topic. She intentionally hid this from you for 2 years, and that's not a good sign at all.
This is VERY true. Not a good sign at all.

I don't know why you choose not to reveal what country she's from, but that's your choice. Just understand that the less you tell us, the more general our advice has to be.

Your signature mentions Guatemala, so I'll take a wild guess and surmise that your significant other is probably not from the Middle east or Africa. FWIW, my wife is from South America. The men in her country love guns, the women hate them. My wife married me, a gringo, specifically because she decided the men from South America are too macho and too chauvinistic. Just face it -- the likelihood that you might get her to change her mind is infinitesimally small. How masochistic are you, and how much energy are you willing to expend on a probably hopeless quest?

And then, there's the moral question of what right do you have to try to change her mind? How much would you like it (or not like it) if she were to start working on you to believe that guns are evil?

Last edited by Aguila Blanca; December 14, 2012 at 10:31 PM.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:42 PM   #12
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Girlfriend is from south America, I don’t mention the exact location because I just don’t like opening up that much online, (guess im paranoid)
She has no issue with my owning guns she is just dead set against them. This is an issue for me since gun ownership is so important for me. I have no idea how this slipped under the radar.
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Old December 14, 2012, 10:50 PM   #13
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If she does not care if you own firearms, then what is the issue? I'm confused, does she have to be a clone of your likes and dislikes? Does she like MMA, beer, girls, fast cars, welding? Do you like everything she likes?
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Old December 14, 2012, 11:02 PM   #14
Ruthless4christ
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IDK why it’s a big deal. It’s a pretty big part of my life, and I guess I always assumed my partner would partake in that. All previous GF’s have been gun lovers. Maybe I am over reacting.
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Old December 14, 2012, 11:21 PM   #15
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haha this escalated into Dr. Phill real quick!
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Old December 14, 2012, 11:36 PM   #16
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Quote:
I have no idea how this slipped under the radar.
It didn't "slip under the radar", as you stated in your first post, "she didn't bring it up". She hid it from you.

The point of being girlfriend and boyfriend for awhile before getting married is so you can find out if you are compatible. Part of that process is comparing views so you can see how they mesh. In some areas you may be willing to compromise, in others, obviously you will not. Either way, if topics are intentionally avoided, the point of this period in your relationship is lost.

As far as I can see, there are no "tactics" that are going to work for you now. If she's hidden it this long, it's certainly not because she's willing to compromise on the issue. If compromise were an option for her, she would have broached the topic early and let the negotiations run their course. You don't hide the stuff you're willing to bend on, you hide stuff that you can't or won't fix.

Besides, because she's hidden it this long, I don't see how you could have any confidence that even if she were to suddenly cave on the issue that it's not a secondary strategy to again put the issue off, this time until it's too late.

I'll throw this one last thing out there. Don't count on things getting better after you're married. One acquaintance of mine got married and continued to enjoy his shooting hobby right up until his wife got pregnant. I guess that was the point that she figured it was too late for him to object too much. At that point she put her foot down and made him get rid of all his guns.
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Old December 14, 2012, 11:45 PM   #17
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My wife and I used to be anti gun as well. I got held up at gunpoint for the 3rd time and I decided that was the final straw. I decided to get a gun and my CCW permit. My wife was not happy about it. I did a lot of research on the matter and presented a good case to her as to why I felt a gun was the only solution.

She eventually saw reason and now asks on occasion if I have my gun on me when we go out. She should know that my gun is always on me.

Good luck and hopefully your girlfriend will see that guns are not evil, only evil people are.
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Old December 14, 2012, 11:56 PM   #18
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I did not read all the posts but I did read most.

My current girlfriend of over 2 years is not a gun fan (although not anti gun, she supports the 2nd amendment)... She has no issues with me having them and in some ways it is my responsibility to do everything I can to help protect my future family. But she says, "but I have never needed one". And she hates loud noises.

I did bring her to the range for the first time a few weeks ago and she did pretty good but still not a gun fan. To noisy and felt the positions were awkward.

My one real rule for my future spouse is that she has to have her own firearm and know how to use it whether she enjoys it or not. If you have one and dont need it you are blessed, but if you need it and dont have it, it could be a different story.

Guns are a big part of my pass time and hence my life, but for me the primary goal is protection. I enjoy it and it would be nice if someday she would join me not because she had to do a refresher but you never know (I am not the greatest Jane Austin fan and frankly dont plan on being one...).

Long as I have my few handguns for self defense I am fairly content.
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Old December 14, 2012, 11:58 PM   #19
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First of all I must say I am a lucky man having a gal that loves guns almost as much as I do (If you asked her she would say she loves them more then me) and I was the one that introduced her to shooting at age 40 and her Dad is a cop.

Ever since she started shooting she now gets mad at me for going to the range without her so I make a point of making sure she gets to go.

I have a few friends that have girlfriends and wives that either don't care for guns or down right dislike them as much as any Anti out there. I have seen some of those friends have to give up guns/shooting because of the friction it causes in the relationship.

The way I see and look at it is if your partner does not like something so much that you truly do there may be many things you don't have in common and it would be difficult at best to make the relationship last.

If your partner ask you to stop doing something you love aside from drinking or drugs because they disagree with it it's time to move on. Typically this won't be the last thing they will ask you to stop doing.
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Old December 15, 2012, 12:05 AM   #20
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My wife is from a country that has experienced a lot of violence and has very strict gun control laws. A month ago my father in laws best friend was kidnapped. I never heard about his return, so I assume he never made it back and at this point probably never will. Consider that that wasn't newsworthy enough that I would know for sure. Before we moved back to the US she told me the first thing she was buying was "a 45." What was happening in her country never would have happened if citizens were armed.
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Old December 15, 2012, 12:14 AM   #21
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Quote:
What was happening in her country never would have happened if citizens were armed.
The average citizen of Iraq owns at least one firearm, usually an AK-47. Kidnapping is also very common in Iraq.

The degree to which citizens are armed has little to do with the rate of crime.

As far as the OP is concerned, a firearm forum is a poor place to get relationship advice.
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Old December 15, 2012, 12:42 AM   #22
Ruthless4christ
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As far as the OP is concerned, a firearm forum is a poor place to get relationship advice.
sorry buzzcook, my guns and my GF are tow major facets of my life. I was just hoping for sometime advice on the guns part.

thanks folks I appreciate the feedback
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Old December 15, 2012, 12:54 AM   #23
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I believe there is a chance she will come alone. For the fact that she knew for 2 years that it was important to you and never brought it up means she is concern about your feelings.

When I met my wife several years ago I knew she was anti-gun so I never brought out the possibility of acquiring one. But two months after we got married, I told her I was thinking about getting a firearm for home protection. During our dating phase, we will read articles about gun related violence on innocent people. We would also read the crime report about our area.

I also knew she was a very reasonable person and her anti-gun nature was a result of her upbringing and lack of knowledge about firearms. You should know her well enough to find ways and ease her fears. I asked my wife these series of questions

1. What if we hear somebody breaking in our house at night?
Possible answer, call the cops. I showed her the response rate of cops to crime scene. I told her that I have no doubt the cops will show up, but it will be after we have been victimize. If we survive, we will file a report if not then we have ourselves to be blamed.

2. I asked her how much she valued her life and whether it was worth protecting? Whose responsibility was it? Should I outsource her safety to the police department?

I told her that I value our lives so much that I'm willing to make it the outmost priority. She looked at me and said, I'm still nervous but I trust your decisions. We went and purchase our first firearm together within a month after our discussion. We went to range and she was surprise how well she did. Now we have 4 within three years and she loves her Sally (Gen 4 Glock 19).

Don't lose hope she will come along. But your approach will make the difference.
Sometimes in relationship you have to use the act of persuasion in order for the other person to buy into your ideas or decisions. Good luck.
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Old December 15, 2012, 01:01 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buzzcook
The degree to which citizens are armed has little to do with the rate of crime.
I would have to disagree with you there and research shows that more firearms in the hands of law abiding citizens means less crime.
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Old December 15, 2012, 01:18 AM   #25
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pre marriage counseling? i only know one thing after being married for 25 years that is if you don't have common ground you may stay married for ever but you will be miserable. please figure this out the last thing you want is to look back after 20 years and say why?
I'm old now and as i look back there are lots i wish i had done different!
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