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Old October 21, 2012, 12:52 AM   #1
Unspoken
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I just got yelled at for keeping a handgun

I just got into a fight with my girlfriend about keeping a handgun in the drawer with a loaded magazine halfway inserted. She knows I've had the gun, but only recently have I been keeping it in a place where I can get to it in case of an emergency.

I told her the gun is meant to protect us, to protect her against any random scumbags that may want to harm us. But she thinks living in the country excludes us from being victimized by robbers, meth heads, jihadists, communistic utopian mercenaries, jewel thieves, satanic sadomasochists, etc.

She thinks: I will kill somebody on accident, shoot myself on accident, or the gun will go off on its own sitting in the drawer even without a round chambered. I told her there are generally never accidents with guns, only people who are negligent and disregard safety measures. I tried to explain that a gun is no different than a power saw or lawnmower- it's only as dangerous as the person using it. I'm always extremely safety-oriented & cautious in life, especially with firearms, so she has no reason to doubt my stability.

She wants me to separate the mag/ammo from the gun. I told her a magazine halfway inserted into a weapon is no different than keeping a gun in the bedroom with the magazine downstairs in the laundry room.

Nonetheless, I now feel like a schmuck for trying to be open about my willingness to fight for what I love. And my reward is a nice night's sleep on the couch.

So have any of you ever had to deal with a similar situation? How do you formulate the words to convey that you're preparing for an emergency, and that you'll always keep safety as top priority? And what if they just refuse to accept the usefulness of being armed?
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Old October 21, 2012, 12:58 AM   #2
p loader
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So let me get this straight, your GIRLFRIEND is making you sleep on the couch?

It boggles the mind.

Good luck with all that.

I would suggest trying to explain it to her (more than you have). If she won't accept it you are in for more of the same. You'll get married and probably stay hen pecked. Eject now bro, while you still can.
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Old October 21, 2012, 01:06 AM   #3
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Live-in girlfriend. Been together 8 years. I refuse to get married, for reasons that don't belong in this forum.

I guess I'll just have to avoid any and all conversation about guns. Out of sight, out of mind. Too bad, because it's an addictive and intricate facet of one's life.
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Old October 21, 2012, 01:30 AM   #4
youngunz4life
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not saying you do this but

do not for one second think that handgun is unloaded because it isn't totally inserted....I am guessing you would fully insert it immediately in case of an emergency in one motion while retreiving the weapon, but you'd be surprised how many people fatally believe their semi is unloaded before shooting themselves or someone else.
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Old October 21, 2012, 01:43 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by p loader View Post
Eject now bro, while you still can.
LOL
X2
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Old October 21, 2012, 02:35 AM   #6
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With out knowing your exact situation and conversation you had or if your GF has ever been around or shot guns before . I'm assuming not cus I'd think she would not feel so put off by guns if she had in the past . There really could be many reasons she does not like guns .

Now that being said , I would suggest a compromise . you will put the gun away If she still feels the same way after you both go to a gun safty class . That way she can learn about guns and the proper way to handle them . I also think it should be one that you shoot at the end of the day or weekend . I believe knowledge is power .

I remember the first time I took my son shooting . The night before we sat down watched some gun safety videos . I would pause them every so often to explain in greater detail about stuff . After that ( about two hours ) I brought some of the guns out and started showing him how the all worked . It was almost funny how he acted at first . He would hold the guns out as far away from his body as posible . You could tell he was not very comfortable working with real guns ( never loaded ) . When we got to the range and he started shooting you could tell it was fun for him but he was not yet secure enough in the handling of the guns . By the end of the day ( 8 hrs ) he was droping the mags like a pro ,clearing feed jams hitting his targets it was quite impressive .

IMO It just comes down to , knoledge is power .

If that does not work I would get one of those quick open handgun safes and bolt it to your dresser . That way its locked up and safe and yet still ready . That may even be better cus if she's there alone in a home invasion situation the bad guy can't get to your gun .
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Old October 21, 2012, 03:55 AM   #7
oldandslow
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Unspoken, Regarding Girlfriends and guns, 10/21/12

As an older, widowed guy (mid 50's) I usually bring up my hobbies on the first or second date, including target shooting and hiking/hunting. This usually lets me gauge whether my date is gun-shy, trainable or neurotic about shooting. If things look promising I then offer to take her shooting to a local range where we can shoot by ourselves, and always with a 22 pistol. Most times they enjoy the shooting and begin to understand the attraction even if they do not want to take up shooting as a regular hobby. Then we slowly get to the concealed carry/protection aspects.

I collect newspaper articles from around the country (from the internet news services or examples brought up by the gun forums) where violence affects everyone- countryfolk, women and children. Through education the woman usually begins to understand that the risk of violence is everywhere. If she still does not buy into self protection then that is her option. What is not her option, however, is to limit my self protection measures. If she cannot handle my carrying a firearm then out the door she goes, destined to be a helpless victim if an unfortunate event should occer. Good luck.

best wishes- oldandslow
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Old October 21, 2012, 04:57 AM   #8
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Quote. I collect newspaper articles from around the country (from the internet news services or examples brought up by the gun forums) where violence affects everyone- countryfolk, women and children. Through education the woman usually begins to understand that the risk of violence is everywhere.

So you think its a good idea to frighten his girlfriend who is happy and had no worries about her security. So she will start thinking like you and be scared to open the door or leave the house without being armed.

If she doesn't want you to have the gun loaded in the house then you will have to try and comprise. She has as much right to not want a loaded gun in the house as you have to have the gun. Trying to frighten her so you get your way is wrong.

My wife doesn't like guns but we came to a comprise. Without me trying to frighten her into my way of thinking.
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Old October 21, 2012, 06:11 AM   #9
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Quote:
I just got into a fight with my girlfriend about keeping a handgun in the drawer with a loaded magazine halfway inserted.
And she's RIGHT!!!

Insert the mag fully, so you are not fumbling with it when/if you need it in a critical situation where fractions of seconds may count...

If this is not why she is upset, then get a new 'girlfriend'...
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Old October 21, 2012, 06:44 AM   #10
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One of the really neat things about guns: There's millions of them, with so much variety to be explored, and there's a "perfect" one out there somewhere for everyone. The same applies to girlfriends.
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Old October 21, 2012, 06:50 AM   #11
youngunz4life
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in my opinion she has a right to know where the firearms are in the house. I don't know if it is just you two or if there are others, but maybe this 'discussion' started because she happened to find the firearm in a surprising fashion.
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Old October 21, 2012, 07:00 AM   #12
fehhkk
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Never marry an anti-gun girlfriend.

Like I said, girlfriend. If she was your wife, then you found out too late.

You should keep one in the chamber, if that makes you happy.

She clearly doesn't align with your basic moral principles, just tell her if guns are a problem to her, she can just leave.
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Old October 21, 2012, 07:23 AM   #13
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8 years girlfriend probably with kids too.. compromise and get a small $25.00 gun safe. Or get rid of her.

http://www.amazon.com/GunVault-NV200...Safes+For+Sale
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Old October 21, 2012, 07:39 AM   #14
manta49
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Quote. She clearly doesn't align with your basic moral principles, just tell her if guns are a problem to her, she can just leave.

Whats moral principles got to do with having a firearm. As for she can just leave get rid of her. You will find the ones giving that advice are all talk and probably under the thumb.
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Old October 21, 2012, 07:43 AM   #15
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Quote:
So you think its a good idea to frighten his girlfriend who is happy and had no worries about her security. So she will start thinking like you and be scared to open the door or leave the house without being armed.

If she doesn't want you to have the gun loaded in the house then you will have to try and comprise. She has as much right to not want a loaded gun in the house as you have to have the gun. Trying to frighten her so you get your way is wrong.
I didn't take it that way, I took it as his way of trying to give a dose of reality- not frighten someone. People who think they will never, ever be a victim of violence are not living in the real world. The chances may be slim, but they exist.

And nice accusation there- what's the point in carrying a gun sometimes? Do you think you can foresee when you will need it? Things happen when you don't think they will- and that's when you need it. It has nothing to do with fear- it has to do with being prepared.
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Old October 21, 2012, 07:56 AM   #16
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At 8 years, and living together, I agree that she has a right to know where the firearms in the house are, and in what condition they're kept (loaded, unloaded, etc.). That said, I also think that it's important to assure her that the pistol is kept there not only for your safety, but also hers, as well as any children involved. As for the kids (assuming there are some), you absolutely have to take their safety into account. If there are kids in the house, their safety may well be more important to her than her own. Perhaps suggesting that she do some reading at The Cornered Cat would help, as well.

Living in the country may reduce the odds of criminal activity, but it's no guarantee. Plenty of meth cooks have their labs in the country, where they think they won't get caught.
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Old October 21, 2012, 08:00 AM   #17
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just tell her if guns are a problem to her, she can just leave.


DITTO !!

Unspoken,
dump the idiot ! find a gun loving woman who will encourage you to have more guns and ammo. like my wife of 35 years has done for me.

i find it hard to believe that after 8 years this has become a problem, what was the first couple weeks of your relationship with her like ? didn't the conversation of guns ever arise ? i blame you for not educating her right from the start.

when i first met my wife i escorted her home from a dance, when i exited my vehicle i opened the center console and retrieved my 1911, she said, "what's that ?" i said, "our protection between here and your front door", which was almost 50 yards away and not exactly a safe neighborhood.
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Old October 21, 2012, 08:03 AM   #18
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Having been in a similar situation I will advise what I did. I'm not saying this is what you should do but this went well for me. The only difference was that I wasn't with her for 8 yrs, only 3.

1. I tried to educate her (shooting class - which she never went to despite the fact I paid for it, tried to get her to go to the range with me so she could see that the gun won't go off on its own etc... never came along)
2. I tried to compromise with her.
3. I tried to talk with her regarding her strict anti-gun issues.
4. I ended the relationship.

Now I'm married to a beautiful woman who originally had issues with firearms but was open minded enough to learn about them. Now she loves to shoot and carries a 1911 as her EDC. We have some wonderful kids who are all being raised with firearms as an integral part of their lives and we're both quite happy for all of this.

The point of my post - simple, try to work with her regarding the guns. If she won't budge or continues to give this type of resistance then get rid of her. There are many more women out there.
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Old October 21, 2012, 08:04 AM   #19
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Thankfully my wife is former military and understands guns, and gun safety, and the fact that guns don't just fire themselves. She also understands that 165gr lead injections are a good cure for what goes bump in the night.

But, when my son was born, she went into mom mode, and decided that she didn't want any of my guns accessible, and actually would prefer them to not be in the house (although she was fine with the idea of me and him going hunting or to the range when he gets old enough). Well, I sure didn't agree with that. We had a discussion, and now my rifle cases stored in the closet have locks on them. The pistol in the bedroom used to be under the bed, and now resides above the level that a 1year old would be able to reach (still loaded), but I am looking for a qood quality fast access safe for it.

point I'm getting at is that women can be funny, and if this girl's worth keeping around, you're going to have to find a compromise. If she's ok with you keeping your mag right next to the pistol, and you think she's worth it, then keep a loaded mag next to the pistol, and practice loading it in the dark. If she wants you to put the mag on the opposite side of the room from your gun so it doesn't load itself and start blasting away, then I think y'all oughta take a trip down to the range so you can get her some hands on experience, and invest in a Louisville Slugger in the mean time.

from experience, this wont be the last thing y'all have to figure out.

Last edited by insomni; October 21, 2012 at 08:12 AM.
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Old October 21, 2012, 08:17 AM   #20
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in my opinion she has a right to know where the firearms are in the house. I don't know if it is just you two or if there are others, but maybe this 'discussion' started because she happened to find the firearm in a surprising fashion.
agreed. if the OP had simply told her, 'hey, I keep a handgun in the drawer just so you know,' and had a civil discussion about why I doubt he'd be here complaining about it.

I'm also going to go out on a limb here and assume that those of you who are suggesting he dump her are also single. relationships aren't about give and take and there should be some level of compromise imo. when you said you lived in the country I thought to myself, are you kidding me? I used to live in a really crappy part of town where drive-by shootings, hold-ups and assaults were common place in the park next to my apartment. I wasn't into guns then and didn't carry and I never once had a problem. it's your right to protect yourself but feeding your paranoia to your gf is going a bit far
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Old October 21, 2012, 08:18 AM   #21
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I guess I'll just have to avoid any and all conversation about guns. Out of sight, out of mind. Too bad, because it's an addictive and intricate facet of one's life.
"To thine own self be true".......
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Old October 21, 2012, 08:40 AM   #22
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Or get rid of her.
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Old October 21, 2012, 08:42 AM   #23
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If you are keeping the handgun for self defense you should be able to access it quickly and have it ready to use. The way you have it stored is makes retrieval slow, cumbersome, and requires two hands to grab the gun without losing the mag, insert mag, rack slide, and now your ready? In the middle of the night?

Get a good handgun safe and store your HD gun ready to go so you can safely grab it with one hand in complete darkness. If it takes you more than a few seconds (with a little practice) you need a different setup.

I find that many men are completely comfortable with guns laying around, but few women are. It seems like a compromise, but compared to what you are doing it is safer and quicker. Both of you will benefit and keep the peace.

My HD Safe/Gun
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Old October 21, 2012, 08:42 AM   #24
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Whose owns the house?

If you do, SHE can decide to sleep on the couch or leave.

If SHE does, you should leave. You have encountered an irrational reaction and I guarantee it won't be the last.
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Old October 21, 2012, 09:20 AM   #25
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when you said you lived in the country I thought to myself, are you kidding me? I used to live in a really crappy part of town where drive-by shootings, hold-ups and assaults were common place in the park next to my apartment. I wasn't into guns then and didn't carry and I never once had a problem. it's your right to protect yourself but feeding your paranoia to your gf is going a bit far
Gaseous- are you saying rural areas are of lesser security concern for people who live there, like me?

Let me say this- I consider my area as a prime target for home invasions. I often tell people when the occasion comes up- think like a criminal. If I were a criminal, I'd consider targeting areas just like mine- the law is some time in getting there, the homes are spread out, and if something is going on in one of them, even shooting, it's not likely to be heard in even the closest other homes.

Word is that the bad element is moving outside of the populated areas to do their dirty work, not that this is anything worthy of a news-flash. Being prepared is not being paranoid.
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