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Old September 29, 2012, 06:51 AM   #26
Kreyzhorse
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yes, if you count passive-aggressive mind games I have learned over the years not to test.
I couldn't have said it better.....
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Old September 29, 2012, 07:01 AM   #27
mitchntx
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I read a lot of these threads and I really can't get my head around a happy and fun marraige that is filled with permissions, requests and limitations.

I met my bride of 34 years while we were in high school. I dated one other girl my whole life.

From day one, our marraige has been a partnership where-by I trust her judgement and she trusts mine. That's not to say we don't question each other's decisions, but each of us hold ourselves and each other accountable.

If I make a poor decision ... its OUR decision. If she makes a poor decision ... its OUR decision. No finger-pointing or "I-told-you-so".

It was tough putting a lot of our "life" on hold while our daughters grew up, but now we are a lot more mature, have a sound financial future and genuinely enjoy each other's company.

Specific to this topic ... the wife and I enjoy the shooting hobby. We routinely go to the local indoor range and we visit a local trap and skeet range. She has her women's league and I have my hunting weekend with friends.

The the hobby isn't the relationship. A lot of folks find an activity and use it as the fuel for their relationship. Not good.

We both realize and understand that firearms are as sound an "investment" ... in that a smart purchase can maintain its value for the most part and in some cases pay for our hobby.

Each of us likes to experiemnt and try new or different guns. We swap with friends for a day and will sell a gun to fund another. So purchasing one or two today usually means one or two are being sold.

Our collection isn't large by any stretch, but there is a nice variety.

Don't misunderstand ... there are several I would never part with. My dad's guns for example. None are really collectable to any one but me.

We got over an emotional attachment to "stuff" while my parents suffered from cancer. They slowly but surely sold off treasures and I think my mom gave up because she no longer had "stuff". I guess it was that depression era raising that fueled that fire.

A couple times a year we rent a table at a local mom & pop gun show and sell off a few and start the process all over again.

Bottom line is build a relationship of trust and understanding. The rest will fall into place.
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Old September 29, 2012, 07:16 AM   #28
Sparks1957
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I read a lot of these threads and I really can't get my head around a happy and fun marraige that is filled with permissions, requests and limitations
I have to say I feel the same way. Maybe when only one person is working things are different, and some sort of agreement needs to be worked out.

For Suzy and me, we have worked out a great solution that keeps us from arguing about money, and avoids the begging and groveling some folks have to do in order to buy something they want.

We both work, and have our own bank accounts/credit cards. We both contribute 1/2 of the cash needed to pay the house bills into a separate joint account for that purpose.

What we each do with the rest of our income is personal business... it really works and avoids the resentment some folks experience. YMMV

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Bottom line is build a relationship of trust and understanding. The rest will fall into place
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Old September 29, 2012, 07:20 AM   #29
StainlessSteel215
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Great post Hal - good insights and I agree. To shed a little more light into why I still carried an outstanding debt AND manage to make room for extras such as gun purchases over the years.....well.....I got dooped into a Mexico timeshare back in 05. I was also dirt poor in college but somehow our wonderful banking system at the time pre-approved me for a $10k credit card on top of the $2k card I currently had maxed out for living expenses....so you can guess what happened next right?

So, it just became part of my monthly expenses for the better part of my 20's. I am now FINALLY under the $1k mark and making more money now so Im finally going to put this to sleep once and for all in the next 30 days! Its incredible how numbers work with compound APR interest when you get over the $5k mark. I literally was barely scratching into the principal for at least 3-4 years and that was with overpayment!
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Old September 29, 2012, 07:25 AM   #30
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Does your wife spend any money on herself? Do you get to limit her shoe and handbag purchases, or clothing, hair care, and make up purchases?

Sorry, I'm an adult, and can live within my budget. I don't need my wife mandating what I can and can not buy.

Often this is a contol issue manifesting itself in limiting your favorite hobby, as it may take time and attention away from HER.
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Old September 29, 2012, 07:51 AM   #31
gaseousclay
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A gun a year sounds pretty reasonable...I like that. I may try to pitch that one later. After all, they are an investment so its really investing value to an extent....
I also think 1 gun a year is reasonable. I may have to pitch this to my wife as well
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Old September 29, 2012, 09:04 AM   #32
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In answer to the original question..........she tries to and thinks she does.
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Old September 29, 2012, 09:26 AM   #33
Chuckusaret
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Been married 52 years and she has given up on trying to curb my gun buying, but this late in life I already have what I need/want. Of late, around the holidays, I get the kids over and open the safe and allow them to pick a weapon, other than my SD weapons. I have cut my collection by four weapons per year for the past four years. This year I will also allow my grandson to also pick a weapon and I am sure he will pick my 1970 Marlin 99M1 .22 rifle that is NIB.
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Old September 29, 2012, 09:28 AM   #34
StainlessSteel215
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lol...these comments are great. Some of you really have a firm boot in the sand, funny! Call me soft but I've only been married 3 years and think its all about 50-50 compromise.

Now, if money werent an issue this discussion would be pointless!

Last edited by StainlessSteel215; September 29, 2012 at 09:57 AM.
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Old September 29, 2012, 09:55 AM   #35
Amsdorf
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My wife appreciates the fact that I have, and enjoy, a hobby that gets me out of the house regularly.


Oh, wait a minute......





No, seriously, she supports my hobby and does, from time to time, say things like, "How many guns do you need?" And I simply ask, "How many pairs of shoes do you need?"

'nuff said.

.
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Old September 29, 2012, 09:55 AM   #36
Glenn E. Meyer
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It is a negotiation based on reasonable looks at your finances.

My 1911 is the new drapes gun. If you can afford that toy, you can buy new drapes. We have both.

Another thing is to buy guns and accessories from money earned outside of the usual family financial flow. Thus, do work something extra and not impact the household budget.
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Old September 29, 2012, 09:57 AM   #37
shortwave
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Thankful to be very fortunate in this area.

In 25yrs. of marriage, wife has never tried to put a damper on my interests when it comes to shooting,hunting, fishing, motorcycles etc. She enjoys shooting, has a few of her own guns but she doesn't even know how many guns are here.
I did make a list for her in case something would happen to me but if I know her, she'll have to look for the list when that time comes.

Course, she knew me a while before we married and is probably thankful for the change of some of my interests since we married.
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Old September 29, 2012, 10:10 AM   #38
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No wife..... no worries.
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Old September 29, 2012, 11:24 AM   #39
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You are smart!
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Old September 29, 2012, 12:08 PM   #40
JimPage
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Ya gotta share. Let her have her own credit card for the household expenses and tell her the limit for her other credit card for her personal purchases. You limit your guns and other toys to the same amount she spends on personals. Even works for both of you.

And both should be honest about it. And allowances don't need to be equal, just fair. A good marraige lets those things be agreed upon.
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Old September 29, 2012, 01:09 PM   #41
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I'm a grown man in the prime of my life. I don't need anyone's permission to "do" anything. My wife in under my protection and care along with my children. I'm the head of the household; remember that expression? Once you get them to wrap their mind around that concept (and, in these days and times, that might take a little work), they wouldn't have it any other way. Because I'll tell you one thing, they may bird dog you to death until you just throw up your hands and let them have their way, but when somebody is breaking into your house or starting trouble at the bar they expect their "man" to step up and do battle.

Every single one of my male friends who has allowed the woman to think that she is really the one in charge or is the "Mother" of the entire family (husband included) has come to regret it. In many cases, it seems to be a slippery slope. The more control you give them, the more they take; all the while losing respect for you for letting them get the bit between their teeth in the first place. And, I understand all that "partnership" stuff. Whatever gets you through the night. But when it comes down to final decision time, I'm the one sitting in the driver's seat.
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Old September 29, 2012, 01:29 PM   #42
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My wife has tried on and off for 40 years. Finally gave up I think....
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Old September 29, 2012, 02:47 PM   #43
StainlessSteel215
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Furm no offense but that post reeks of alpha male testosterone. You can still be the alpha without being arrogant or too tough.

I'm 6'1 225lbs and dont back down from much unless its the SMART thing to do...and usually it is the smart thing to do. And I firmly believe in a 50-50 equality marriage. She is not better than me, barks orders at me, or expects diamonds and roses every week.....but its just not fair for me to have a $1k a year hobby while she barely gets out to go clothes/shoe shopping as much due to our baby.

Ive learned at 30 its all about compromise (not giving in, or puffing out me chest)
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Old September 29, 2012, 02:56 PM   #44
Furminator
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Yeah, I can see where that post I made might have been a bit much. It's because I'm scared. Every time I bother to watch t.v. or even notice popular culture, I see men being portrayed as weak or stupid or increasingly feminine and it really upsets me. That post I made, I guess in a way I was overcompensating. It might just be me, but I see males becoming more and more disposable whereas women seem to be in the ascendancy. Anyway, no offence meant.
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Old September 29, 2012, 03:24 PM   #45
Sparks1957
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It's because I'm scared
You were a real man in admitting that. A lot of guys do the testosterone-driven posturing thing, and it's usually a sign that they're scared out of their wits and don't know how else to express it.

Maybe it's just my advancing age, but I've come to see that being gentle and compromising with my wife gets me a lot further than playing the alpha male, and that she respects my ability to protect her and ours just as much.

Try it, you may find it works. Speak softly and carry a big gun, to paraphrase someone.

Quote:
I see males becoming more and more disposable whereas women seem to be in the ascendancy
Men only become disposable if they allow themselves to be, or show that they have no real value to anyone.

Last edited by Sparks1957; September 29, 2012 at 03:29 PM.
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Old September 29, 2012, 04:40 PM   #46
StainlessSteel215
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Amen comrades! Furm that was a bold admission and I respect that....and totally get what you mean about pop culture and tv encouraging women to not only wear the pants but publicly DOG their husbands while they splurge with their money! IE: real housewives, kardashians, etc. makes me sick!
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Old September 29, 2012, 05:03 PM   #47
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Furminator, you do have a point. It's very rare you will see a woman look like an idiot in a commercial. I'm not saying that women have all the power but I am saying it's a trend in the media.

That's probably why I'm single. It's my money. If a woman I am dating doesn't like it, tough noogies. But know that any woman I date understands that shooting is a passion/hobby of mine and that she needs to respect my interests as much as I respect hers. She shouldn't have an issue as long as I can continue to take her out to great restaurants, shopping, and weekend getaways.
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Old September 29, 2012, 06:08 PM   #48
SouthernMarine
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Not married yet, but no my fiance doesn't put a linit on my guns/ammo...usually I buy them before she has a chance to say anything then when I get home it's usually a "uh! Another one?!" Reaction lol

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Old September 29, 2012, 06:40 PM   #49
Wildthang
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I have 2 live in girlfriends and they know not to try and tell me what to do with my money. I spoil them so they really can't complain!
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Old September 29, 2012, 07:43 PM   #50
Goldy
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I got a real problem with the wife. I set up at a local gun show today to sell off some surplus guns. Wifey shows up around noon with lunch. I'd sold four guns. While I'm eating she goes out and buys three guns. Can't take her anywhere.
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