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Old August 27, 2012, 11:06 AM   #1
1hogfan83
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Heads Butting

My wife and I have really different views on concealed carry. She thinks that since their aren't any registered sex offenders in our close vicinity I shouldn't carry often. To sum it up she only wants me to carry when im by myself. She knows im very passionate about the situation but really doesn't care. Anyone else in this situation? Any pointers would be helpful.
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Old August 27, 2012, 11:23 AM   #2
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Well, I hate to suggest logic, but have you asked her why she cares whether you carry or not while you're together? Is she in some way being harmed when you carry around her?
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Old August 27, 2012, 11:24 AM   #3
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If I understand correctly she does not want you to carry when you are with her. Correct? I guess you could ask her specifically why she feels that way. Is she embarrassed that you carry? Is she afraid of the actual gun? If you knew specifically why she did not want you to carry maybe you could address the issue. Also, sorry, but I’m not sure I totally understood the part about the sex offenders.
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Old August 27, 2012, 11:45 AM   #4
Mike Irwin
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This is really something best discussed in Tactics and Training.
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Old August 27, 2012, 11:47 AM   #5
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Is she concerned that you'd be attacked by a registered sex offender?

Tell her the gun serves the same purpose as an automobile's seat belt. The chance of actually needing it is small. However, it could save her life.
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Old August 27, 2012, 12:23 PM   #6
pax
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From my book, The Cornered Cat: A Woman's Guide to Concealed Carry:

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Cornered Cat

Starting with the most difficult case, the anti-gun spouse, expect to walk an emotional tightrope for awhile. But since you love each other and are committed to working things out, there's reason for optimism. You'll get through this conflict just as you've gotten through others.

Let's discuss the concept of boundaries. In short, boundaries mean that you get to decide what you do, while he gets to decide what he does. You can choose to be armed or unarmed. He can choose to go with you or not go with you. He doesn't get to "make" you disarm, and you don't get to "make" him go with you. Your actions are yours and his actions are his. He cannot later blame you for going somewhere without him if you chose to go armed and he refused to accompany you, because staying home would be his choice. You cannot blame him later if you choose to make him happy by leaving the firearm at home and then something untoward happens, because you chose to go unarmed. You entirely own every choice within your boundary—and that includes any fallout that happens as a result of those choices.

Put differently, you don't need anyone else's permission to carry, not even your husband's. You don't need his permission to own personal property, whether it's a firearm or anything else. However, because you love him, you might find that some part of you needs him to approve of the choices you make. That's where things get tricky, but try to keep the distinction between permission and approval very clear in both your mind and his. You can bargain for his approval (and you often will), but he has no moral right to either grant or deny permission.

A lot of folks have found that just quietly doing what they do, without fuss and without making a big deal out of it, gradually lays their partner's fears to rest. As time goes on, the other person eventually realizes that you're not doing anything except going through life just as you were before. However, if you choose to make a visible power struggle out of it, talking endlessly, badgering him to "agree" to "let" you do stuff rather than simply doing what you do and letting him choose how to react, the conflict can last for years and become quite nasty.

Your husband needs to see that you are committed to safety and that you intend to keep your firearms out of the hands of people who should not have them. If you don't already own a safe, get one. If you can't afford a safe, purchase some cable locks and find a secure place to hide the locked firearms when they are not in use. Make security a visibly high priority and don't ever skimp on it. Whenever possible, enlist his help. Have him help you choose a location for the safe, or research safe types. Ask him whether he believes the not-in-use firearms are better stored in Place A or Place B with their cable locks in place. Discuss how you intend to manage your children's safety education as it relates to firearms. Ask for his feedback on such matters, listening to his worries and nondefensively accepting his concerns as the valuable data points they are.
That's pretty much the best advice I can give you: do learn the concept of boundaries, and do "own" every choice you make that's within your boundary. Don't get in the habit of asking for permission to carry, and do continue to carry without kicking up a fuss about it.

When and to the extent that you do talk about it, focus on specific safety concerns and remember you aren't asking permission. Ask, "Where do you think is the best place to put the safe?" for example, rather than, "Will you let me get a firearm if I keep it in a safe?"

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Old August 27, 2012, 12:37 PM   #7
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We do have a 2 year old daughter and any logical person would think that a sex offender would be a legitimate threat. She enjoys shooting somewhat when we can get away. She is just uncomfortable with guns around. She even admits that im safe with them. It would help if she wasn't smarter than me.
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Old August 27, 2012, 01:05 PM   #8
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Quote:
Is she concerned that you'd be attacked by a registered sex offender?
Hah, beat me to it.

But as to your issue, I have the same issue with my own lady. She could care less if I carry while out and about solo, but I tend to get the "evil eye" when I do so while we are together.

She actually refuses to let me in her car armed - meaning I drive everywhere.

My solution was to start pocket carrying and just not tell her. That worked pretty well up until she got pulled over for rolling a stop sign and I leaned over her to inform the officer that I was armed (OH requires notification). He was appreciative (and even let her slide on the ticket) - she was not
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Old August 27, 2012, 01:25 PM   #9
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I would like to place several guns around the house strategically, keeping the AR or shotgun in the bedroom and several pistols throughout. She shot that down pretty quickly. About the only gun I can slide by her is a j frame. I want a new HK P2000sk but that's a hard one to drive past her.
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Old August 27, 2012, 01:30 PM   #10
taz1
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Just agree with her!!!!

Then tell her you will gladly offer her up to the mugger, rapest, carjacker, ectera and run in stead of defending her.
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Old August 27, 2012, 01:52 PM   #11
farmerboy
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i wouldnt carry when im with her if she would be able to defend me against anything that might come my way. Armed robbery, rapist, attempted homicide, murder whatever. If she cant then let her do her thing and I will defend myself. I have a right too and I feel a husband also has an obligation to defend his wife and children..
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Old August 27, 2012, 01:52 PM   #12
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+1 to Paxs post.

My wife used to be like you describe, not wanting me to carry. So in trying to please her and keep the peace, I left it at home when we would go out together. I felt that I didn't have her permission and did not want to stir anything up between us, so felt that not carrying it was a good decision.

One night we're out lollygagging around town and she must have gotten goosebumps or something and suddenly turns to me and says...but you do have your gun, right?

Just like that, in a moment, she relinquished her authority (sic) and position about not wanting me to carry, and fully expected me to have it and be able to protect her. Uh-oh...I let her down that night (luckily nothing happened) and was not fully prepared. I learned a valuable lesson.

She rightfully expected me to be prepared in spite of household politics. I'm not saying lie to your Wife or to bully her into letting you carry, but rather, there is a higher level of duty to protect, notwithstanding her wishes for me to go about without my gun. You can not let her down in this way, and yet it will be kind of touchy subject that may not be easy for you to accomplish while keeping the peace. Good luck with it.
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Old August 27, 2012, 01:58 PM   #13
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www.familywatchdog.us/

1hogfan,

Here's a site that maps out where the bad guys supposedly live if you enter just your city and state. Click the 'Legend' tab at the top left of the map and you'll see what color stands for what type offense. Next click on one of the colored blocks and see a pic of the offender.

Bad guys don't always stay home, but its good to at least have your family aware of the bad guys and where they live.
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Old August 27, 2012, 02:04 PM   #14
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Does she realize that sex offenders don't get registered until after they offend (assuming they are caught and convicted)? Perhaps the lack of registered sex offenders in your area is a sign that the police there aren't particularly good at catching them?
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Old August 27, 2012, 02:08 PM   #15
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I always carry two knives with me and to be honest im with her a lot. She's a teacher so she tends to be a bit of a control freak. I'm really only alone when I go to the gym or work.
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Old August 27, 2012, 02:12 PM   #16
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ATW525,
I do like your point. I live in a town of 70,000+. I was surprised there weren't more.
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Old August 27, 2012, 03:06 PM   #17
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Quote:
www.familywatchdog.us/

1hogfan,

Here's a site that maps out where the bad guys supposedly live if you enter just your city and state. Click the 'Legend' tab at the top left of the map and you'll see what color stands for what type offense. Next click on one of the colored blocks and see a pic of the offender.

Bad guys don't always stay home, but its good to at least have your family aware of the bad guys and where they live.
Ugh, I used that in my neighborhood and am disgusted by how many of those people live around me. My wife and I are having our first child in 6 months! Looks like i'll be walking my kid to and from school until they graduate college.

Sorry to hijack the thread.

On topic: When I first got my permit my wife was sketchy about me carrying around her as well. She did not want me carrying around her family or at her workplace. As time went on and she realized that the firearm is safer when it is on my person she became ok with it. Now she doesn't even give any thought about it, it's just part of my daily attire.

Be patient with your wife, she may come around. If she doesn't then remind her of why you carry... to protect her.
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Old August 27, 2012, 05:12 PM   #18
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I'm not married, but some things are not up for debate; that's one of them. My house is not a democracy, no one gets a vote on things like that, not wives, girlfriends, children, parents. No one.
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Old August 27, 2012, 05:22 PM   #19
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Quote:
I would like to place several guns around the house strategically, keeping the AR or shotgun in the bedroom and several pistols throughout. She shot that down pretty quickly. About the only gun I can slide by her is a j frame. I want a new HK P2000sk but that's a hard one to drive past her.
With a 2 y.o. about, that is ...... unwise.

Guns need to be secured. Holster, or a safe.
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Old August 27, 2012, 08:00 PM   #20
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She does not trust your judgement.

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Old August 27, 2012, 08:04 PM   #21
house
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It's called concealed for a reason. If its hidden well than she should not know that your carrying.... I am
In the same boat as you. I carry no matter what she says...
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Old August 27, 2012, 08:26 PM   #22
1hogfan83
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No guns are within reach of my daughter.
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Old August 27, 2012, 10:25 PM   #23
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Famous last words on that. If a gun isn't locked or on you - a kid can get it.

Rethink this.
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Old August 27, 2012, 11:17 PM   #24
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I'm not married, but some things are not up for debate; that's one of them. My house is not a democracy, no one gets a vote on things like that, not wives, girlfriends, children, parents. No one.
Lol, when and if you get married... good luck with that. I hear Sutherlands sells really nice dog houses.
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Old August 28, 2012, 12:19 AM   #25
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Quote:
I'm not married, but some things are not up for debate; that's one of them. My house is not a democracy, no one gets a vote on things like that, not wives, girlfriends, children, parents. No one.
I see why you're not married.
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