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Old December 4, 2007, 02:55 AM   #1
bushidomosquito
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Beware the turkey cannon!

I would like to share with you the most horrifying and heart stopping experience I have ever had while on a hunt in the hopes that you can learn from my mistake and never have to suffer as I did. I had a very good first 45 min. of my first ever deer hunt this November when I took a doe at 200yrds. with a .30-06 and while dressing it another came out of the woods and stood broadside about 15' away to inspect the gory proccess. I thought I might never again have the chance to take a deer with my G23 so I slowly took aim and waited a second to see if she would come to her senses and bolt. She did not and received a Corbon copper slug in the boiler room for her curiosity.
It's true that the stupid ones die on opening day. Best first hunt ever.

The following weekend after picking up 2 more deer tags I sat for hours in several spots and saw nothing. Nothing, that is, except turkeys. Turkeys that were not in season. Turkeys that I had no tag for. Turkeys that my trusty borrowed .30-06 would make mince meat of. And turkeys that surely were not foolish enough to come within range of my oh-so-deadly G23.

It was ALMOST enough to make me empathise with poachers. A weaker man would surely have broken the law that day. Had the last turkey I saw that day been the first, I surely would have been that weaker man. After about an hour in an unproductive spot I decided to move on and began a noisy hike through a foot of crispy leaves. Eventually, I came upon a large fallen tree that looked like it had been there for a while. It's base was sticking up about six feet in the air and I decided it would be a good place to sit for a while without making any noise. I walked alongside it feeling very peaceful, alone on that quiet and beautiful patch of land but that feeling was about to come to the harshest of endings. As I approached and stood next to the (unbeknownst to me) hollow end, I rapped on the base to see if it was to rotten to climb upon.

It was like touching a matchcord to the flashhole of a loaded cannon, except I was standing next to the wrong end and wasn't expecting a thing. What happened next had me more startled and closer to a full on heart attack than anything in my life. 20 inches in front of me a turkey shot out of that log so fast that I swear his tailfeathers were on fire. The calm, still air had instantly change to a stiff thumping gale than I imagine has only been felt by those that have leapt from a helicoptor.

Knowing what I do about prop driven aircraft, I'm sure he had to be moving at subsonic speeds, but it didn't seem like it at the time and I'm sure that NASA could have learned a lot from this particular bird. I have exactly one accidental discharge of a firearm to my name and I always thought nothing could freak a guy out like all hell in an instant like one of those but at least when that happened I knew right away WHAT had happened, I had just pulled the trigger expecting a click and I got a boom. You kind of half expect it even if you just cleared the chamber. My mind instantly put that into a frame of reference. That didn't happen with the turkey cannon. As I struggled for the longest miliseconds to comprehend wthf was going on, I found myself, a perfectly healthy 33 years old, on my hands and knees waiting for the next heartbeat and I began to think it would not come. Had I not just watered a tree a few yards back I most certianly would have wet myself. I know this because for the rest of the day I had that feeling one gets when one hasn't the chance to catch a sneeze while in mid-stream and feels like something important has slipped off it's mounts down there. One min. I am stalking through the trees, the deadliest preadator in the woods, NO creature could I come accross that I can't take down. The next I very nearly am dispatched by an effing turkey who simply had to jump out and say BOO!

Next year I will have that turkey tag. I will have my guard up at all times. I will be looking for the one with smoke billowing from his tailfeathers. And I will find out if anti-aircraft munitions are legal for turkey.
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Old December 4, 2007, 06:33 AM   #2
MerleApAmber
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Brilliant story, thank you for the walk in the wood with you.
I can only imagine what the turkey was telling his mates that day!
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Old December 4, 2007, 09:23 AM   #3
FirstFreedom
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Hilarious - great story; thanks! Didn't know that turkeys holed up like that.
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Old December 4, 2007, 09:41 AM   #4
armoredman
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Thanks for the laugh.
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Old December 4, 2007, 09:58 AM   #5
ActivShootr
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Good stuff.
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Old December 4, 2007, 10:23 AM   #6
rantingredneck
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That's funny. I've never seen the Turkey Cannon in the woods, but I've heard them take off from right over my head and it made me flinch......

I have however experienced the "Squirrel Grenade".......

One of my treestands has been rebuilt a couple of times over the years. I always just put new supports and decking across the top of the old stuff, not relying on it for support or anything, just leaving it in place. This has resulted in a nice little den that squirrels have taken over. Usually when I'm climbing in or out of the stand they are out and about doing their squirrelly things, well once they were at home. When I climbed that ladder I had squirrels running all around me....... I almost wetted myself that day too......
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Old December 4, 2007, 03:14 PM   #7
Scorch
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Too funny! I can sympathize. On a recent hunting trip, we had wild turkeys sitting above us, walking around us, and one flushed out of the tree over our heads and sounded like a helicopter taking off. Thanks for the story!
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Old December 4, 2007, 04:14 PM   #8
davlandrum
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I had one almost do me in when I was a lot younger. I was riding my motorcycle on the neighbors farm (yes, with permission) and was smoking along the dirt road as fast as my Kawaski 90 would go. A turkey cannon went off right in front of me. I locked up the brakes and tried to lay the bike down before I got a face full of turkey, hit a rut and went flipping down the road . That bird was hunkered down in the sparse, knee-high grass in the middle of the freaking road.

Lucky I was young and bullet-proof, as I was able to get up, walk around a little to figure out what the heck had just happened, and kick-start the bike.

Still hold a grudge to this day...
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Old December 4, 2007, 11:59 PM   #9
jrothWA
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These are beeter than my ...

Bullfrog.

Was out fishing @ a Muskingham water conservation dam, about two AM.
Buddy, Tim is up-front in the 13ft canoe, i troke oar in the rear.
Using a black hula popper for bass, when I over shot had tangled with bankbrush.

Told Tim what happened pulled the canoe over and slowly felt the lure out, had my eight-celled "Coon" light on, just sat back, when this "THING" flies by my nose. I dropped the light, pulled the sidearm (.45 of course).
EVERYTHING IS DEAD SILENCE!
What was it? I was asked, DON"T KNOW, I replied.
Found the light turn it on, underneath the front seat is the BIGGEST BLACKESS, BULLFROG. ( Shooting was not an option, Tim drove his truck)
In the light the third occupant little bitty hops under the rear seat.
I stuff my tackle box in front to pen the bugger. Turn and face the tackle box. Tim's holding the light. I ease the box away. AND with 6-8inches of clearance (horizontal), the BULLFROG FLIES out over my shoulder and hits the water five feet in front of the canoe.
We called it a night after that.
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Old December 5, 2007, 02:21 AM   #10
animal
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Great story. can sympathize...

When I was about 12, slipping into the woods well before dawn to get to my favorite squirrel hunting ground..... stepped into the middle of a covey of quail. 3 or 4 bounced off me in the darkness while the loud whirrr of their wings filled my ears. They were all gone by the time I realized what happened.
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Old December 5, 2007, 03:04 PM   #11
davlandrum
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Biggest scare while hunting was a herd of elk. I was working a trail through really thick re-prod (replant - production: when they replant a clear cut they plant really thick and then (theoretically) thin later). I couldn't see 3 feet in any direction, but there was FRESH sign everywhere. I am hoping to find an opening or something...Wind must have been perfect, because when it shifted, I could hear elk running full speed all around me. I just knew I was going to get run over and never live down the hoof prints on my body...
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Old December 6, 2007, 12:29 AM   #12
RCJ
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Thanks for the story. I think that's the hardest I've laughed when reading TFL, and I've been lurking for a while.
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Old December 6, 2007, 12:46 PM   #13
slow944
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YEP! Covey of quail got me one time as well. I was 6-7yrs old and had just left my aunt and uncles house to walk home, when I rounded the corner of the road where a large patch of weeds were growing it seamed to explode with loud ghoulish whirring of devil wings, and being a good christian boy my feet had wings and I flew home.
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Old December 6, 2007, 01:51 PM   #14
XD Gunner
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Quote:
And I will find out if anti-aircraft munitions are legal for turkey.
LOL

Best story I have is a feral house cat jumped out of a tree on my head...
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Old December 8, 2007, 10:05 AM   #15
castnblast
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You really ought to send that to Outdoor Life Magazine. That had me rolling laughing. Best story I've read... in a long time...hands down! Freakin' Hilarious!!!
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Old December 8, 2007, 12:48 PM   #16
armedandsafe
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I was out for a walk with the Red Ryder one day, looking for stuff to plink. I reached a large rock where I planned to have lunch and set up. The rock was about the size of a '49 Plymouth Coupe and had a nice ledge near the ground for a seat with a back rest. I gathered some twigs and branches, built a small fire in the V-notch at the side of the rest, made some tea and had lunch.

When I decided to move on, I leaned over and poured the remainder of my tea on the fire. The next thing I knew I was about 20 feet up the mountain and running hard. I went back down to the rock and poked around some, to discover that Mr. Diamondback had taken up residence under the rock and was most upset that I had poured tea onto his head.

I went back to town and "borrowed" the big CO2 fire extinguisher from Dad's shop and got him out to take to the resident naturalist. He was the largest Diamondback ever taken in Clark County. I don't remember the dimensions, but I couldn't close one hand all the way around his body and he completly filled a large collection bag (think laundry bag.) My heart got back to normal sometime in the next few days.

Pops
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