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Old January 5, 2006, 08:19 AM   #1
newworldCurmudgeon
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CCW and Significant Other's position

How do I get my wife to stop walking on my strongside holding my stronghand? I know this seems silly but no matter how many times I ask her to switch sides she always ends up going back to my strong side? Should I just give up and become more proficient at weak hand?

Actually there has been a couple of times I had to move her just in case. Both times it was a late night urge for ice cream too.

Me "I'll drive"
Her "Its a nice night lets walk"
Me "Ok"

Possible BG comes out of the shadows towards us.....I move her to my weak side, change positions slightly and engage possible BG in conversation (a loud and friendly can I help you) about 20 feet away. Possible BG mumbles and walks away.
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Old January 5, 2006, 08:35 AM   #2
Trip20
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How do you get her to stop?

If she can't understand what you want, why you want it, and the benefit of the same from a simple explanation then there's not much you can do about it other than to constantly switch places with her and keep reminding her. Hopefully, eventually, it will become habit.

Also, they make those shock collars.....
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Old January 5, 2006, 08:36 AM   #3
azredhawk44
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You could always train HER to draw from YOUR strongside...

I'm a leftie and the girlfriend is a rightie, she likes to walk on my left side.
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Old January 5, 2006, 08:48 AM   #4
newworldCurmudgeon
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trip, Since I am in Korea right now, it isn't a problem, LOL, but when I get back I guess instead of the collar, I could just threaten to volunteer to go back to Iraq if she doesn't change Of course she'd just spend the extra money on shoes

AZRedhawk, I have just the opposite problem, I'm a rightie she likes the right side. If I get her to stay on the left, I could carry her though

I suppose I could just learn to draw lefty, I practice shooting lefty, I practice drawing form my strong side lefty, just need a left handed holster to practice with, then I could carry on both sides

(I spent a lot of money on ammo before I went to Iraq practicing pistol and rifle lefty, the rifle was definitly harder, but I figured as long as I had one arm I could still fight if the SHTF)
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Old January 5, 2006, 08:49 AM   #5
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Its one of those constants you need to break her of. It's like which side of the bed you sleep on, or which pocket you put your wallet in. You have done the same thing for so long, if you do it the opposite way it seems foreign. Ironically, my wife is always on my left side (in the bed, walking, in the movie theater, etc) and I'm right handed, I never planned it that way, so I guess I'm lucky. Is your wife going to your right or your left??? They say humans have an inbred habit of holding a baby on their left side. Maybe women do the same thing, when holding a man, they fell better on the left side. Stinks if your left handed though.
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Old January 5, 2006, 08:54 AM   #6
mete
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If it's any consolation they had the same problem in the old days when men carried swords !!..Have you trained her on what to do if things happen ?? Like immediately get behind you or better yet get away from you and behind cover ?
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Old January 5, 2006, 09:00 AM   #7
newworldCurmudgeon
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Nope a righty

Mikey, nope I'm a righty, and she goes to the right LOL. Darn now I have to think of which side of the bed she sleeps on...7 months apart right now....but that may be one way to subliminally get her to change, I can sleep on the right side of the bed when I get back.....and when we go walking we'll take the dog (didn't have one before) and I'll hold the leash with my right hand....Then all I'll have to do to open up my strong side is unleash the beast

As for the kids, I always hold them on the left side, for obvious reasons...the kids are definitly young enough to train (although my older girl gravitates to the right also, must be something genetic)
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Old January 5, 2006, 10:20 AM   #8
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Right. You definitely want your wife on your weak side. In that way, as you draw with your strong side hand, you can be grabbing her with your weak side hand. Control of your partner can be critical in such situations because you don't want to have something go wrong and have your partner be more of a liability to you than not being there at all. By grabbing your wife with your weak hand, you will know specifically where she is and ideally keep her from moving in a manner that will result in you shooting her or her obstructing your ability to move.

We covered some nifty things in a Ken Hackathorn class that my wife and I do occassionally. Even if unarmed, the partner can still be useful. One aspect is that the partner moves behind you and is shielded by you from the threat to your front. In the process of moving behind you (as guided by your hand), the partner grabs you by the belt and essentially because your backup sighting system, able to guide you in, over, around objects, turn corners, etc. while keeping you fully facing the threat with your drawn gun. In this capacity, the partner keeps you from tripping over things, watches y'all's 6 o'clock position for additional threats, and is able to devote mental resources primarily to getting to safety while you are allowed to devote mental resources to repelling attackers.

If your spouse is armed, then the system can be even better as she can guide you to safety and engage threats behind you.

As Hackathorn demonstrated, keeping grasp of your significant other with your off hand can be very beneficial. As you control her movements with the off hand, draw with the strong, hand, you can move her to a position just in front of you and use her as a human shield. Hackathorn said he was kidding about using one's partner in such a manner, but as noted, it wasn't that different from how bad guys use hostages as shields.
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Old January 5, 2006, 02:38 PM   #9
Rob P.
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I trained my spouse early in our relationship to NEVER hold my right hand. If we were walking and she tried to hold my right hand she'd get a limp and unresponsive hand. I would also "shake" her off almost immediately then pass her in front of me to my left.

A few dirty looks, some disgusted commentary and eventually she learned to automatically walk on my left side. Sometimes (rarely) she'll try to take my right hand if we've been separated and my right side is closer. When she does she gets the limpy again. She resets herself to my left now when that happens.

Lots of comments early on like "hold my hand dammit" but eventually we settled in and got comfortable. Talking about it helps too but you've GOT to be consistent.

What I can't seem to break her of is her "guard dog" attitude. Won't get behind me or stay out of the way when things get dicey. In fact, she almost pulls me toward the problem instead of safety.
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Old January 5, 2006, 03:42 PM   #10
Doug.38PR
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Hmmm. Thinking about what you are saying I am reminded of certain rules of chivalry I was taught. The gentleman always walks on this inside of the sidewalk (closest to the street). Meaning if you are right handed, the lady will always be walking or armhooked to your left leaving your stronghand opened for protection. Always try to see to it that you are walking on the side of the street or side of the parking lot row where your right hand will be on this inside and she will be protected on the outside covered by your left side. On the other hand (pun intended ) if you are left handed then reverse what I just described.
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Old January 5, 2006, 05:07 PM   #11
springmom
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good point Doug

The hubster has spent almost 25 years walking on the OUTSIDE toward the street when we are on a sidewalk. This has always been considered good manners for a man walking with a woman, and harkens back to when streets were not paved and WERE full of horse poop and when sometimes people emptied chamber pots from upper windows out into the street. Gross as it sounds, the gentleman would take the risk of getting the nasty stuff on him to protect her.

This could still work as long as you leave a little space, and it really doesn't need to be much, for you to reach your firearm. And of course, if you carry crossdraw, it doesn't matter anyway. You can verbally prompt her to get behind you (assuming she's not armed, which may obviously not be true).

If you are not as old as dirt like us, you can probably just retrain yourselves to have her walk on your weak side, but if the traditional way of doing things is ingrained in your relationship, just work around it and learn, together, how to meet threats on the street.

My highly inflated $.02.

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Old January 5, 2006, 06:50 PM   #12
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Learned like Doug to walk between her and whatever might provide danger. She doesn't hang on tight enough to stop me if I've gotta draw - even with a grip of fear - and hopefully I'll have disengaged long before that if a threat is recognized. She knows to step behind me in any case. And I'll be placing my self between her and whatever threat appears - no telling whether it will come from the right, left, behind, etc.

Just MY guard dog attitude I guess...
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Old January 5, 2006, 07:03 PM   #13
cscoios
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SIMPLE.
I just don't let my wife hold my hand. She might have cooties.
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Old January 5, 2006, 07:20 PM   #14
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as one curmudgeon to another.......... just tell her, dag nab it.
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Old January 6, 2006, 06:52 PM   #15
newworldCurmudgeon
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Thanks for the advice everyone

I appreciate the advice. DNS that is so cool getting to train with your wife, i'll be happy to watch the kids for a weekend just to send my wife to training. (which I think is a good idea) then get her CCW; eventually we can train together, but the kids are too young to take with us.....and as a curmudgeon I won't pay for a sitter LOL.

Rob, when I do the limp hand I get the cold shoulder LOL.

Springmom I may be a curmudgeon, but I believe she can change LOL, I just really need to pay someone for that training since I kinda like being married

Mannlicher---curmudgeons of the world unite
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Old January 7, 2006, 11:12 AM   #16
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She sounds like she's hard headed like my wife.

Is she Blonde?????
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Old January 7, 2006, 03:32 PM   #17
Rob P.
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Quote:
Rob, when I do the limp hand I get the cold shoulder LOL.
My wife knew when she met me that I was Bad Company and hopefully she knew what she was getting herself into. She couldn't honestly give me the cold shoulder for being myself and doing the things I did. And talking about it helped more than you might think.
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Old January 8, 2006, 08:30 PM   #18
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Just find the balance, man. Seriously, you can probably either draw weak-side or shove her behind you if the situation arose and you would likely find that you only lose fractions of a second. I promise you, if you need to draw, you're going to draw regardless of where she's standing/walking/sitting.

Talk to her, let her know why you want things the way you do, and work at it. But all in all, is it really worth it to fight about it? You gotta consider how much of an advantage you really think you're gaining. On top of that, you can always work out a system where you shift her to your weak-side when the old radar goes off...she'll learn to pick up on your vibe and can react accordingly. I'll bet she'll be more willing to cooperate and there will be no hard feelings. ....and you won't need to 'train' her, either
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Old January 9, 2006, 08:42 AM   #19
newworldCurmudgeon
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HPG, hardheaded is putting it nicely, of course I am kind of hard headed too.

Rob, before we were even dating seriously, I went to a gun show with one of my co-workers, I got back and my wife/then GF asked if I bought anything. To which I replied "a safe"....."why"....."to put the new guns I bought in" She definitly knew what she was getting into....

PickPocket, one time I went out with my wife carrying three pistols, 1911 SOB, glock 30 SS, and colt DS WS. I had no good reason for except I could When my wife asked me why, I said "so no matter where you are I can reach one of them Also the only "training" I want to get her is more firearms training so she will be more comfortable shooting/carrying (she is fully comfortable with me carrying)

Then we can go shopping for his and hers pistols.
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Old January 10, 2006, 02:23 PM   #20
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We have a little saying, "not that side honey, I already have something there". She appreciates that fact that I carry. Love that woman. When we met 11 years ago, married 10 on Groundhog's day, she didn't even know what a gun was. Now she has her own and uses a .410 shotgun too. And she lets me live out in the country where we can shoot anytime we get the notion.
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