What Is A Mall Ninja ??? - Page 3

Jack Malloy · May 3, 2005, 08:35 AM

How can you be high speed/low drag when you have a laser sight module hanging under the frame of your Glunk or Husp and the sharp edges keep catching on the $5 nylon holster that most Mall Ninja/Chairborn Ranger types buy because they spent all their gear money on the cool toys, not the items needed to deploy them?

AKhunter · May 3, 2005, 12:34 PM

We've got a few here also--one of them I call Officer Fatass, he must weigh nearly 400#, I swear. He's got a little import pickup truck with pretty much zero visibility out his rear window from all of the "cold dead fingers" type bumper stickers on it. He used to be the security guard that stopped folks from using the free library parking if they weren't really in the library. He's an officious little prick who shouldn't be allowed to own a cell phone, much less a gun. The other one that stands out drives a surplus police cruiser that he put a light bar on top of. He's got handcuffs hanging from the rearview and his vanity plate says "COPCAR" What a tool.

AK

BigBoyBlue · May 3, 2005, 07:05 PM

I just laughed my arse off at Gecko 45. I like the part on GT where he says, "We are a 3 person tatical squad at the mall."LOL

Archie · May 3, 2005, 07:28 PM

these kind of folks were referred to as "Drugstore Cowboys".

NSWP226 · May 8, 2005, 04:47 PM

Christ, this is the funniest thread I've read so far. I never knew there was an actual term for these guys. Reminds me of the people that show up at gun show decked out with all the military gear but with nowhere to go.

Fred Hansen

That's the funniest sh*t I've seen. Bling bling, yo.

hummelsander · May 8, 2005, 04:54 PM

We got a term for them where I'm from...it's Hobby Cop. Those are the guys who have antenas poking out in all directions from their car which they back into their driveways for quick responses to their police scanners.

Jack Malloy · May 9, 2005, 12:03 PM

There are funnier posts.
Like the ones where some Chairborn Ranger goes on and on about how his plastic gun can be dropped out of a helicopter and run over by a steamroller and will work.
Thats nice, but I don't think thats apt to happen in the case of a real world self defence or emergency scenario.

I never could understand why these guys never mention guns that may be able to fire underwater.
Years ago, I witnessed an incident where a person drowned in their car during a flood. They got stuck in it and could not get out. Now, where you live such might be an unlikey event. But around here, generally one person a year buys the farm in aflooding incident.
In fact, I always felt one good reason to carry a gun would be to shoot out a window or windshield in such a situation.
Beleive it or not, some guns will work underwater (don't assume yours will, as its dangerous because of pressure in the barrell acting like an obstruction and water can cushion the blow of the firing pin.....).
I know 1911s will fire under water and I know that Glocks can be modified to fire underwater, but presumably they have to be modified first......

In the event your ride is under the drink, I would rather have a gun that could fire underwater and free me from a steel and glass death trap than a gun that can be driven over by an SUV and dropped off a biulding.

Why the Chairborn Ranger/Mall Ninja crowd never seem concerned about such a possibility, considering how easily impressed they are by other events highly unlkely to happen (like getting into a gunfight after falling off a five story building and bein run over by a hummer) never ceases to amaze me.
But post anything about "torture tests" and the Tactical crowd will be all over it in three minutes bragging about their Uberguns.
Where I live, being attacked by a bear or drowning in a flooded vehicle are bigger threats to my existance than gangbangers or terrorists. Which means a big bore revolver is often the better "tactical" tool in the real world I live in.
You couldn't sell one of these guys a wheelgun if you put a light rail on it.

hummelsander · May 9, 2005, 01:33 PM

Ah, common Jack. The true mall ninja will have a special tool on his belt to break glass. It's a carbide, spring loaded thingamajig that, when released, will shatter the glass so the water pressure will cave it in. Don't remember what the little boogers are called but they are quite the conversation piece.

gb_in_ga · May 9, 2005, 02:47 PM

Hey! I got a thingy sorta like that for XMas one year -- my wife got one, too. A carbide tipped hammer, it has a safety shrouded razor for cutting the seatbelts, too. I keep mine in my truck, the wife has hers in her car. It made sense when we were living in the N.O. area where it floods all the time -- and in the Houston area where I grew up, too.

perception · May 9, 2005, 04:05 PM

Mall ninja, huh.
I always wondered what the best Rent-A-Cops get promoted to.

hummelsander · May 9, 2005, 05:24 PM

Yep, I'd hate to read one of their resumes...I'd be laughing so hard I'd pop a gut and be admitted to the emergency room.

oneeyeross · May 11, 2005, 08:39 PM

Jack,
If your car goes in the drink, roll down a window. Water pressure will keep you from opening a door, but you can roll down a window. (Assuming, of course, you don't have electric windows that short out when you go under!)

gb_in_ga · May 11, 2005, 08:46 PM

Electric windows, for instance like the ones in my truck and my wife's car?

saskuach · May 12, 2005, 12:01 AM

I'm a mall ninja... according to some people... these people also think that carrying a pocket knife is barbaric and unnecessary.

If I mention carrying a conceiled weapon (aka 'gun'), their response is "To protect you from what? Ze Germans?"

All depends on who you ask. But it's still a funny thread.

Jack Malloy · May 12, 2005, 08:34 AM

They had a show on Discovery last weekend showing this stuff, about how to get out of danger in situatoins like parking garages and sinking cars.

If the water pressure makes your door stick, wait till the water is inside the car and the pressure is even.
However, the last time I was in a wreck, the impact bent the frame of the car, wich would have kept the doors from opening at all as they were jammed stuck.
I still think keeping a gun handy is a good idea in the event you wind up going over a bridge or getting trapped in a flash flood. Either of which CAN happen. And a gun that can work when submerged.
I do not understand the obsession of some people with their gun being able to be dropped out of a 747 and run over by a steam shovel .....Crap like that never happens outside of Wile E. Coyote cartoons.

TomNash · May 14, 2005, 12:58 PM

FWIW, at a depth of 33 feet of water, the pressure exerted by the water on a car door of 3 square feet surface area is about 20 times greater than an average human being can exert to push the door open. Unless the car is allowed to flood with water, which will equalize the pressure and then be able to be opened. Just showing that the 'dumb-tough' rule applies to cars and water!

Tom

missourigunner · May 29, 2005, 06:52 PM

When people get in trouble, they call 9-1-1, for the Police, when the police get in trouble, they call for S.W.A.T, when S.W.A.T gets in trouble, the call for "Mall Ninja."

Fred Hansen · May 30, 2005, 12:40 AM

Quote:

dont need it during summers up here. sun is out 20+ hours a day. but i do tape a laser pointer to the handguards when i overcook my dinner and my home is full of smoke.

i may or may not intentionally overcook my dinners for that purpose.

I missed that the first time around 'Spiff. LMAO

Quote:

Estimated Danger Level 1-10: -The TMF gets a 9. His tactics ensure that if you make one wrong move, you're not coming home for dinner-and even if you don't, you're still not coming home for dinner. Either way, you don't get no dinner.

End Report

XDoctor · May 31, 2005, 03:05 PM

Google image finder is a goldmine.

Those are both from mallninja.com by the way.

racinstylez · May 31, 2005, 03:18 PM

haha.....hehe......

OHH OHH I FOUND ONE I FOUND HIM!!!! (guy in black)

IZinterrogator · May 31, 2005, 03:45 PM

Hmmm... doesn't look like he has a SAPI plate duct-taped to his back. Must be one of those 4x6" trauma plates. Did he have a briefcase with one nearby?

Edit: Just noticed the guy in the green shirt has a Marine tattoo on his forearm. Place your bets, gentlemen!

XDoctor · May 31, 2005, 06:03 PM

I have $20 says the marine makes the ninja cry with one nasty look.

IZinterrogator · June 2, 2005, 09:05 AM

3 weelin geezer · June 29, 2005, 02:08 AM

Is this what a mall ninja looks like?

Jeff #111 · June 29, 2005, 09:47 AM

I'm a cop and I am not a Mall Ninja. Actually I mainly investigate fraud cases so much of my time is spent on the phone; talking to bank tellers, secret service agents and typing on the computer. However I wanted to let you know that in in the ranks of law enforcement we have genuine mall ninjas. Yes sometimes they do get hired.

One of the officers on my department is a Mall Ninja. He's actually a pretty good officer, but he loves all the stuff by Blackhawk and he is carrying a different gun about every six months. He's really into the tactical stuff.

May 3, 2005, 12:34 PM	#52
AKhunter Member Join Date: January 22, 2005 Posts: 50	so that's what's wrong with that guy... We've got a few here also--one of them I call Officer Fatass, he must weigh nearly 400#, I swear. He's got a little import pickup truck with pretty much zero visibility out his rear window from all of the "cold dead fingers" type bumper stickers on it. He used to be the security guard that stopped folks from using the free library parking if they weren't really in the library. He's an officious little prick who shouldn't be allowed to own a cell phone, much less a gun. The other one that stands out drives a surplus police cruiser that he put a light bar on top of. He's got handcuffs hanging from the rearview and his vanity plate says "COPCAR" What a tool. AK

May 3, 2005, 07:05 PM	#53
BigBoyBlue Member Join Date: March 18, 2005 Posts: 18	I just laughed my arse off at Gecko 45. I like the part on GT where he says, "We are a 3 person tatical squad at the mall."LOL __________________ God made man and rested, God made guns and nobodys been board since.

May 3, 2005, 07:28 PM	#54
Archie Senior Member Join Date: May 27, 2000 Location: Hastings, Nebrasksa - the Heartland! Posts: 2,017	A long time ago... these kind of folks were referred to as "Drugstore Cowboys". __________________ There ain't no free lunch, except Jesus. Archie Check out updated journal at http://oldmanmontgomery.wordpress.com/

May 9, 2005, 02:47 PM	#59
gb_in_ga Senior Member Join Date: February 15, 2005 Location: Wylie, Tx Posts: 2,979	Hey! I got a thingy sorta like that for XMas one year -- my wife got one, too. A carbide tipped hammer, it has a safety shrouded razor for cutting the seatbelts, too. I keep mine in my truck, the wife has hers in her car. It made sense when we were living in the N.O. area where it floods all the time -- and in the Houston area where I grew up, too. __________________ COME AND TAKE IT http://www.tamu.edu/ccbn/dewitt/batgon.htm Formerly lived in Ga, but now I'm back in Tx!

May 11, 2005, 08:39 PM	#62
oneeyeross Member Join Date: March 19, 2005 Location: Wet Washington Posts: 88	Car under Water Jack, If your car goes in the drink, roll down a window. Water pressure will keep you from opening a door, but you can roll down a window. (Assuming, of course, you don't have electric windows that short out when you go under!)

May 3, 2005, 08:35 AM	#51
Jack Malloy Senior Member Join Date: February 3, 2005 Posts: 791	How can you be high speed/low drag when you have a laser sight module hanging under the frame of your Glunk or Husp and the sharp edges keep catching on the $5 nylon holster that most Mall Ninja/Chairborn Ranger types buy because they spent all their gear money on the cool toys, not the items needed to deploy them?

May 8, 2005, 04:47 PM	#55
NSWP226 Junior Member Join Date: February 20, 2005 Posts: 10	Christ, this is the funniest thread I've read so far. I never knew there was an actual term for these guys. Reminds me of the people that show up at gun show decked out with all the military gear but with nowhere to go. Fred Hansen That's the funniest sh*t I've seen. Bling bling, yo.

May 8, 2005, 04:54 PM	#56
hummelsander Senior Member Join Date: November 20, 2004 Location: Camano Island, Washington Posts: 223	We got a term for them where I'm from...it's Hobby Cop. Those are the guys who have antenas poking out in all directions from their car which they back into their driveways for quick responses to their police scanners.

May 9, 2005, 12:03 PM	#57
Jack Malloy Senior Member Join Date: February 3, 2005 Posts: 791	There are funnier posts. Like the ones where some Chairborn Ranger goes on and on about how his plastic gun can be dropped out of a helicopter and run over by a steamroller and will work. Thats nice, but I don't think thats apt to happen in the case of a real world self defence or emergency scenario. I never could understand why these guys never mention guns that may be able to fire underwater. Years ago, I witnessed an incident where a person drowned in their car during a flood. They got stuck in it and could not get out. Now, where you live such might be an unlikey event. But around here, generally one person a year buys the farm in aflooding incident. In fact, I always felt one good reason to carry a gun would be to shoot out a window or windshield in such a situation. Beleive it or not, some guns will work underwater (don't assume yours will, as its dangerous because of pressure in the barrell acting like an obstruction and water can cushion the blow of the firing pin.....). I know 1911s will fire under water and I know that Glocks can be modified to fire underwater, but presumably they have to be modified first...... In the event your ride is under the drink, I would rather have a gun that could fire underwater and free me from a steel and glass death trap than a gun that can be driven over by an SUV and dropped off a biulding. Why the Chairborn Ranger/Mall Ninja crowd never seem concerned about such a possibility, considering how easily impressed they are by other events highly unlkely to happen (like getting into a gunfight after falling off a five story building and bein run over by a hummer) never ceases to amaze me. But post anything about "torture tests" and the Tactical crowd will be all over it in three minutes bragging about their Uberguns. Where I live, being attacked by a bear or drowning in a flooded vehicle are bigger threats to my existance than gangbangers or terrorists. Which means a big bore revolver is often the better "tactical" tool in the real world I live in. You couldn't sell one of these guys a wheelgun if you put a light rail on it.

May 9, 2005, 01:33 PM	#58
hummelsander Senior Member Join Date: November 20, 2004 Location: Camano Island, Washington Posts: 223	Ah, common Jack. The true mall ninja will have a special tool on his belt to break glass. It's a carbide, spring loaded thingamajig that, when released, will shatter the glass so the water pressure will cave it in. Don't remember what the little boogers are called but they are quite the conversation piece.

May 9, 2005, 04:05 PM	#60
perception Senior Member Join Date: March 9, 2005 Location: Tennessee Posts: 421	Mall ninja, huh. I always wondered what the best Rent-A-Cops get promoted to.

May 9, 2005, 05:24 PM	#61
hummelsander Senior Member Join Date: November 20, 2004 Location: Camano Island, Washington Posts: 223	Yep, I'd hate to read one of their resumes...I'd be laughing so hard I'd pop a gut and be admitted to the emergency room.

May 11, 2005, 08:46 PM	#63
gb_in_ga Senior Member Join Date: February 15, 2005 Location: Wylie, Tx Posts: 2,979	Electric windows, for instance like the ones in my truck and my wife's car? __________________ COME AND TAKE IT http://www.tamu.edu/ccbn/dewitt/batgon.htm Formerly lived in Ga, but now I'm back in Tx!

May 12, 2005, 12:01 AM	#64
saskuach Senior Member Join Date: September 13, 2004 Posts: 102	I'm a mall ninja... according to some people... these people also think that carrying a pocket knife is barbaric and unnecessary. If I mention carrying a conceiled weapon (aka 'gun'), their response is "To protect you from what? Ze Germans?" All depends on who you ask. But it's still a funny thread. __________________ People who argue for the banning of arms ask for automatic rule by the young, the strong, and the many, and that's the exact opposite of a civilized society.

May 12, 2005, 08:34 AM	#65
Jack Malloy Senior Member Join Date: February 3, 2005 Posts: 791	They had a show on Discovery last weekend showing this stuff, about how to get out of danger in situatoins like parking garages and sinking cars. If the water pressure makes your door stick, wait till the water is inside the car and the pressure is even. However, the last time I was in a wreck, the impact bent the frame of the car, wich would have kept the doors from opening at all as they were jammed stuck. I still think keeping a gun handy is a good idea in the event you wind up going over a bridge or getting trapped in a flash flood. Either of which CAN happen. And a gun that can work when submerged. I do not understand the obsession of some people with their gun being able to be dropped out of a 747 and run over by a steam shovel .....Crap like that never happens outside of Wile E. Coyote cartoons.

May 14, 2005, 12:58 PM	#66
TomNash Senior Member Join Date: October 4, 2004 Posts: 118	FWIW, at a depth of 33 feet of water, the pressure exerted by the water on a car door of 3 square feet surface area is about 20 times greater than an average human being can exert to push the door open. Unless the car is allowed to flood with water, which will equalize the pressure and then be able to be opened. Just showing that the 'dumb-tough' rule applies to cars and water! Tom

May 29, 2005, 06:52 PM	#67
missourigunner Senior Member Join Date: March 7, 2005 Location: Holts Summit, Missouri Posts: 112	What is a Mall Ninja When people get in trouble, they call 9-1-1, for the Police, when the police get in trouble, they call for S.W.A.T, when S.W.A.T gets in trouble, the call for "Mall Ninja."

May 31, 2005, 03:05 PM	#69
XDoctor Senior Member Join Date: May 30, 2004 Posts: 221	Google image finder is a goldmine. Those are both from mallninja.com by the way.

May 31, 2005, 03:18 PM	#70
racinstylez Senior Member Join Date: May 23, 2005 Posts: 240	haha.....hehe...... OHH OHH I FOUND ONE I FOUND HIM!!!! (guy in black)

May 31, 2005, 03:45 PM	#71
IZinterrogator Senior Member Join Date: November 8, 2004 Location: Pierce County, WA Posts: 2,425	Hmmm... doesn't look like he has a SAPI plate duct-taped to his back. Must be one of those 4x6" trauma plates. Did he have a briefcase with one nearby? Edit: Just noticed the guy in the green shirt has a Marine tattoo on his forearm. Place your bets, gentlemen! __________________ "If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen!” - Samuel Adams

May 31, 2005, 06:03 PM	#72
XDoctor Senior Member Join Date: May 30, 2004 Posts: 221	I have $20 says the marine makes the ninja cry with one nasty look.

June 2, 2005, 09:05 AM	#73
IZinterrogator Senior Member Join Date: November 8, 2004 Location: Pierce County, WA Posts: 2,425	Looks like it's time for the mall ninjas to go pistol shopping... __________________ "If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen!” - Samuel Adams

June 29, 2005, 09:47 AM	#75
Jeff #111 Senior Member Join Date: July 25, 2001 Location: Idaho Posts: 840	I'm a cop and I am not a Mall Ninja. Actually I mainly investigate fraud cases so much of my time is spent on the phone; talking to bank tellers, secret service agents and typing on the computer. However I wanted to let you know that in in the ranks of law enforcement we have genuine mall ninjas. Yes sometimes they do get hired. One of the officers on my department is a Mall Ninja. He's actually a pretty good officer, but he loves all the stuff by Blackhawk and he is carrying a different gun about every six months. He's really into the tactical stuff.