From sheep to empowered

[Phoebe]

I don't know if he wants to be identified, but i received a kind note from someone, suggesting that some on the board might want an update on a situation I posted about here awhile ago.

Brief Recap:
I woke up to find a man asleep on my bedroom floor. Unthinking, and unarmed, I woke him up and am hugely lucky to have escaped physically unharmed, despite being very shaken up.

I further realized he'd been in my home the day or night before.

6 weeks later, he tried to enter my home again. I had a new dog that barked ferociously and got out of bed in time to slam the door on the guy.

LEO recommended I arm myself.

Thus began a journey of trying to turn me from gun-fearing female to gun-toting female.

Update:
After taking some safety classes and shooting some loaner guns, I purchased two guns. One for home and one for CC. I'm also considering a shotgun.

I took a 2 day handgun intensive. It was awesome, but I still want to take some full force-on-force handgun class.

I signed up for Krav Maga (Israeli military hand-to-hand combat), and have been going 2-3x/week for a few months. I also just survived their 6 hour Home Invasion Seminar a few weeks ago, and did not die of sheer exhaustion.

I carry concealed more often than not, and sleep with a handgun, pepper spray, tactical flashlight, and stun gun next to my bed.

I've improved my home and perimeter security too.

Best of all, got a wonderful new S.O. who had no prior experience with hand guns, but knew something about long guns, loves to shoot, and we're having great fun with that. I'm also happy he's not an anti because at this point, I don't think that could work.

There have been no further security incidents, but my life is forever changed and sometimes, images of the guy trying to get into my house, or standing in my bedroom, are still haunting me.

In the Home Invasion Seminar, they put me into a dark room, in a bed, with a gas mask on (to impair breathing), and had 3 guys "attack" me and I had to fight my way out. I was left with mixed feelings over the exercise and am not sure if it helped me feel more empowered, or just slightly retraumatized me.

In sum, fathers, husbands, make sure the women in your lives know how to defend themselves. Make sure they understand layered security and tell them they can't and shouldn't rely on a firearm alone. They need to be able to use it and they need to be able to fight if they are unarmed or disarmed.

Buy them the book, "The Gift of Fear." It will change their lives and possibly save them.

Thanks for asking!

[Brian Pfleuger]

Wow! You've come a long way! Congratulations on your journey Pheobe.

You better buy Pax's new book though or you'll never be a complete women.

[Shane Tuttle]

Quite the journey, eh Phoebe? I distinctly remember when you first came aboard and opened up to all of us with your dilemmas. First, I'm extremely happy that you've been following up on receiving training and put forethought into owning a firearm or not. Second, your development to where you are today is the PERFECT example of The Firing Line's mission.

Your success fuels and inspires me (and I'm sure others as well) to continue our mission here. Refreshing and proud are just a couple of words that describe my feelings that another woman has gone from, as you stated, "sheep to empowered".

My very best to you, Phoebe. You deserve it.

[sonick808]

I am new to the boards and didn't witness your earlier posts, but I can see via your summary you've really been through it.

I am so happy to see another enthusiastic shooter to the ranks and even better, you have an S.O. to share it all with ! WIN/WIN for you guys and the culture all-around.

Glad you weren't harmed physically by the criminal who broke into your home. I'm not sure about that dark room tactic either...... probably would have to repeat that drill over and over to use it as a triumph instead of a trauma trigger.

They have Krav Maga here in Chandler. I'm strongly thinking about signing up.

Are you guys going to join the NRA ?

[Beentown71]

Congrats Phoebe. It feels good to be empowered My wife is starting to come around. She has a new Kimber pepper unit in her stocking.

Beentown

[4V50 Gary]

I was given that book, Gift of Fear, by some contract security people. Never had the time to read it.

[pacerdude]

I am very glad that you are ok, I was hoping everything would work out. Out of curiosity which guns did you end up with?

[fastforty]

Glad that you have spent the time to commit yourself to empowerment

You sound like you're pretty savy about the whole thing, but just in case:

Owning more guns then you can carry on your person requires that you can positively secure the ones that you leave at home, you don't want them used against you when you return. If I'm going to be away for a day or more, everything left behind goes in the big safe. If I'm only going to be away for a few hours, I have a couple of smaller, affordable safes that I can secure handguns in (it's a hassle to dig my way back to the big safe 2-3 times a day, don't ask, LOL). At the very least, a cable lock through an open action will disable just about any gun, and a second cable can secure it to something immovable.

[ROGER4314]

Way to go Phoebe! The police won't keep you safe. That is your job.

I had a lady friend who was dead set against having guns in the home. One night, a guy tried to bash down the door of her old house. The door was massive and just wouldn't give. She stood there screaming as he then tried to break windows to gain entry.

That lady became a terrific shooter who specialized in .357 magnum. It's amazing what being scared spitless can do to motivation levels!

Happy holidays!

Flash

[Phoebe]

Scared spitless! Never heard that one. That's funny (and too true.)

pacerdude, I have a Springfield XD9 and a Kahr PM9. I'm not in love with the latter, but can't figure out a suitable replacement.

4V50 Gary, I don't know if that book is as useful to men as it is to women. I know it sounds touchy feely and hippy dippy from the title, but it's anything but that. It is practical, fact-based information that taught me not only more about how to stay safe, but also showed me that sometimes I've been worrying about the wrong things and the wrong people.

If you're not going to read, pass it on to a woman you love. She will thank you for it.

sonick808, I really can't say enough good things about Krav Maga. You should see if your local studio offers a free trial class.

It's pragmatic and seems to fill in every gap that a firearm doesn't fill. It's also a killer workout that will change your body and do more for you than a gym could ever do. I can't believe how fast my fitness level improved.

fastforty, I'm not currently happy with my gun securing methods. There are times I keep my HD in my trunk, but even that doesn't seem quite right. A gun safe is on my wish list, but I don't own one yet.

---------

I'm really grateful for the help and support that I received here and elsewhere in the gun community. People have been unbelievably kind, sometimes way beyond the "call of duty."

I'm a lot quieter on the boards these days, because life is settling back into some semblance of normalcy. But more relevant is that the sense of urgency and fear I had is finally gone. I have some ability to protect myself, both armed and unarmed...so I don't have to be frantic anymore.

At a bare minimum, I now have a huge tactical advantage. Any BG that decided to pick on me, would be in for a big surprise.

That said, I still have a lot to learn. If anyone could pm me about Shivworks fof training, I'd be grateful for some input. Alternatively, other fof resources in the West would be helpful.

Thanks, ya'll!

[Balog]

What a wonderful story, thanks for sharing.

I'm impressed your local cops advised getting armed. Good for them (LVPD?).

It's also very gratifying to hear of someone new to guns realizing that they are not a magic wand, and getting good training (open hand as well as firearm).

I've heard good things about "The Gift of Fear" but have avoided it because of the author's anti-gun bent.

I'm curious, why the multiple methods of less lethal deterrence by the bed? Is Nevada not a Castle Doctrine state? If someone forces their way into my house at night, I would not be inclined to attempt to subdue them via less lethal means.

[troy_mclure]

I have a Springfield XD9 and a Kahr PM9. I'm not in love with the latter, but can't figure out a suitable replacement.

phoebe, have you fondled the kel tec pf9? its a nice gun. as is the Taurus 709 "slim 9" . i got it for my dad, who loved it, but my mom loved it more! so she "confiscated" it. lol

[Uncle Buck]

Wonderful! Have you had an opportunity to share your experiences with other women?

It seems a lot of women are not afraid of guns, they just don't know enough about them and the uses of them. When my wife and I began dating, she was concerned I was a 'Crazy Cowboy' or a gun nut, as defined by our media. (She is not from the USA and was not raised around guns.)


By taking control of the situation you have become stronger and that also send a message to other women (and men) that you will no longer be a victim.

I wish I could count the number of times I have witnessed the police tell a man to get a gun and a woman to call 911. There is no reason a man should be able to protect himself and a woman should have to rely on a man for protection.

[Phoebe]

The anti-gun bent of "The Gift of Fear" is a minute, albeit irritating, portion of the book. But it's not like anti-sentiment permeates the whole thing. It might be a page or two.

I still contend, that book can save your life. Even if anti junk was on every page, I'd still try to get everyone I know to read it.

Back story:
Perhaps because I'm female, perhaps because of something particular to me, I've spent much of my life in fear. I have allowed men (sorry, but it's almost always men) to intimidate me and scare me. I have been followed on the street. I have had my breasts grabbed as a 13yo by a man on the street. I have had lewd catcalls made to me. Men who made me uncomfortable. Men who tried to kiss me after I'd said no. etc, etc, etc,

Sometimes, it wasn't even over what happened, but over what COULD happen. Walking to my car in a dark parking lot, or needing to drive through a bad neighborhood.

There is more I could say. A long litany of scenarios in which I felt weak, powerless, and cowed. It was so much part of me, that it was like oxygen...barely noticeable and seemingly not anything I had power over.

I had NO IDEA how much fear I lived with.

"The Gift of Fear" taught me to EVALUATE situations appropriately, instead of just from a base of fear.

It gives precise pre-incident indicators that tell you whether something can be shrugged off or whether you need to go into RED before anything has even happened.

Aside from crime and danger, it's a great handbook on seeing manipulation for what it is.

I can't possibly say enough good things about the book.

EVERY teenage girl should have to read this. If you love your daughters and wives, buy it for them. If you're a man, it sure wouldn't hurt you to read it either. But especially, please, buy it for the women you love.

Seriously.

[Phoebe]

Troy, if the KelTec is easier to clean, I might be all in. My major gripe with the Kahr is that I cannot seem to take that gun apart to clean it.

I've shot the Keltec PF9 and liked it about as much as the Kahr PM9. That is to say, not very much. But either gun would suit my purpose of tiny size, easy to conceal, 9mm.

Balog, the flashlight is a given. The stun gun and pepper spray were given to me before I had the gun and it seems like it's nice to have options.

Nevada does not have a real Castle Doctrine. You have to feel like your life is in danger. Them being in your house is not sufficient. There is a presumed disparity of force due to me being a small female, but that doesn't necessarily give me sufficient cause for deadly force.

Further, I'm told that since I've had two intruder incidents, a prosecutor could actually use that against me if I did use lethal force in a future intruder incident. (Huh?! The argument makes some crazy sense.)

OTOH, I'm told that in Las Vegas, if you shoot a home invader, they give you a parade and name a street after you.

No clue. But I like to have options.

Locally, a cop was just killed in his own garage, in a home invasion. And we seem to have a lot of home invasions in the news lately.

Uncle Buck, I'm on a women and guns board, and have written some there. But women seem to approach guns differently than men. Participation on that board is really limited. I don't know how much anyone even reads stuff there.

I have tried to talk to other women I know, but response varies.

[mnhntr]

check out the Sig P238 for a 380, this is the cats meow of the mouse guns.

[Phoebe]

The problem with 380 is AMMO! And I'm not sure if I find the caliber as trustworthy as a 9mm.

What makes the sig awesome?

[Balog]

Good to hear that about "GoF" I'll have to get a copy.

Please don't think I was criticizing the less lethal options, just curious.

Interesting that the mere fact that someone has forced their way into your home is not prima facie justification for deadly force. I suppose being able to articulate the threat felt is always a vital skill.

[mnhntr]

If it is a 9mm you want try the EMP from springfield. The best, (little) 9mm IMO. I am a big fan of the proven 1911 action and the P238 and EMP follow that style of action. Plus it is an all metal frame, no plastic. Sig is a quality firearm. We have sold alot of P238s to people that trade their keltec and LCPs.

[mnhntr]

By the way it is great to hear your story and that life has changed for the better.

[prdator]

Phoebe,

Good on you!!!!!
It looks like you are taking the right steps to be prepared.

My 2c on the Kahr is have some one smooth up the trigger and try that before you give up on it.

And on the Gift of Fear, we suggest that book to every class we teach!!
I like your self changed the way that I evaluate people. It truly is a mind opening book. ( and yes I'd never read it had I "known" about the anti gun parts but Im So glad I did.)

Who have you been training with ( firearms)??

Thanks
S

[Phoebe]

Kurt Gepke for my CCW.
John Pierson (former FrontSight) and Brian (gah, forgot his last name, but ex special forces of some sort and ex FrontSight too) for Defensive Handgun 101.

I'd like to train more, but money is often the limiting factor. I'm considering FoF with ShivWorks and keep trying to get some feedback from folks who have trained with them, but haven't found anything out yet.

I have considered some big name groups. But I've also found that if I think someone is a low life scum, it doesn't matter how great their training rep. I can't give them my money.

At this point, most of the training I'm doing is Krav Maga, rather than guns, but the two seem to be like peanut butter and jelly. Great together!

[NightSight]

Yours is truly an awesome and inspiring story! It's certainly too bad that you found yourself in such unfortunate circumstances in the past. You should be very proud of yourself for the transformation you have made. It is amazing that even through such an impersonal form of comunication, your self-confidence and attitude change come through so clearly.

I hope you don't mind me sharing this story with the women in my life. Good luck and keep it up.

[chris in va]

I'm not in love with the latter, but can't figure out a suitable replacement.

I understand your frustration, most of us blow through several firearms before finding THE ONE.

Try this. Write down everything you like about the PM9, and everything you don't. The takedown procedure is certainly formidible, as I have a K9. Lining up that slide juuuuust right can be a chore.

[Phoebe]

NightSight, please do feel free to share it.

I wish I could have done what I've done without having to move fast and furiously, out of terror. I wish I could have figured out ways to improve my safety and confidence without going through hell.

But I guess some of us need to be dragged and some are smart enough to do it on their own.

I was just too scared of guns. But necessity is a mother!