Convincing the Wife...

blincoln · August 8, 2011, 09:35 PM

So... Anyone who is married knows that if a guy says their wife doesnt have a say on how he spends his money, he is probably not married, or at least full of crap...

I have just recently purchased a Beretta 92FS. I absolutely love it, and wouldnt change my choice on my first purchase.

However, I do think that I want something compact or subcompact (ok I want a P238), to CCW. The 92FS is heavy and bulky to where its only really concealed if I am standing/walking.

She has come arounds a lot from being extreme no-guns, to now just no spending money... So now I need to push her a bit more without "breaking the camels back" as it were...

I just dropped $1K for the 92FS and all related supplies (holster, cleaning kit, lots of ammo, etc.). The P238 would set me back another $500 minimum. Any tips or lines that have worked on convincing your wife to allow the purchase of a second weapon?

Geezerbiker · August 8, 2011, 09:41 PM

Save up the cash so she doesn't know you have it then buy what you want with it. Works for me.

Tony

Discern · August 8, 2011, 09:45 PM

IMO, I would not work on her so you can get another firearm. However, I would gently prod her for her to learn how to shoot. Many females are petrified of firearms at the beginning. It would help if you could borrow a .22 Long Rifle handgun or rifle for her to start. From my experience, starting with a low recoil cartridge works best. Be sure to use eye and ear protection. When she sees how fun it can be she may be better able to understand to desire for another firearm.

lamarw · August 8, 2011, 10:00 PM

Every wife and/or husband is looking for a gift hint for the next special occasion. I do not know when your birthday is, but Christmas is less than six months away.

saands · August 8, 2011, 10:19 PM

Patience, my friend, patience!

This is the key. I actually like the idea of salting it away for a while and then shopping, but I think that I would add a twist and after I had about 2/3 of it saved, I'd bring it up that I had been doing without some acceptable "luxury" like donuts on Fridays or that I was drinking coffee from the pot instead of Starbucks or changing our own oil instead of taking the car to Jiffy Lube ... when it is a sacrifice that leads to savings, it is a LOT harder to put conditions on how it gets spent! And whatever you do, don't make the sacrifice something that SHE is paying the price for!

Saands

BarryLee · August 8, 2011, 11:30 PM

Consider working with your wife to set up a formal family budget. Then each of you set up a category called “Hobbies”. Then whatever money you allocate for your hobbies each month is yours to use or save as you see fit.

Eagleks · August 8, 2011, 11:41 PM

You know what, if you moved out and I didn't have to feed you anymore or have to see you doing your best to spend every dime I make .... I'ld have a lot more money to spend on my guns.

It got me more guns, 2 motorcycles, new sports car, new Jeep, new.... and a lot more traveling.

Edward429451 · August 9, 2011, 12:01 AM

She responds well to fairness, so she got the same dollar amount as my guns to spend. Saving up the lunch money is always good for extra gun cash.

Twice it happened that as soon as I got the new gun, another incredible deal came along that I couldn't pass up. I explained how there was no losing on the guns and with the political climate what it is, the guns values would only go up. It worked, but she realized over time that that sort of thing only works if you sell guns which I do not. Smart gal.

anonimoose · August 9, 2011, 12:10 AM

You say you're looking at the Sig P238, so clearly you're comfortable with the idea of carrying a .380 ACP for your CCW. Why not look into the Bersa Thunder .380 (it's the Argentinian "copy" of the Walther PPk)? Do a search for it on this forum -- very popular firearm, and economical to boot (I've never seen it for more than $300).

Plus, as a fellow owner of a Beretta 92FS, I'm a big believer in the KISS principle and advocate keeping your manual of arms consistent from firearm to firearm. Since the 92FS is somewhat atypical (slide-mounted safety as opposed to a frame-mounted safety, traditional DA/SA hammer-fired trigger as opposed to the striker-fired pistols that are all the rage, sweep-up-to-fire safety as opposed to 1911/CZ/P238-style sweep-down-to-fire safety), you might consider getting something just as "atypical", like the Bersa Thunder.

TennJed · August 9, 2011, 12:28 AM

Got anything to sell?....I love guns and cowboy boots. A few years back I lucked up on 8 pairs of pretty high end boots that I bought at a rock bottom price.

Loved all the boots....but love guns more. I am down to my 2 favorite pair of the original 8....but I have 3 more guns to show for it. Sold them off one by one.

My point is, since you are new to handguns did you have any hobbies before that you aquired some "toys". My wife had no problem with me getting a new gun as long as I aquired the $ buy getting rid of other toys.

PSP · August 9, 2011, 05:19 AM

Quote:

So... Anyone who is married knows that if a guy says their wife doesnt have a say on how he spends his money, he is probably not married, or at least full of crap...

My wife has no interest in my guns, thus she isn't consulted or asked whenever I purchase a new one. I've been married 35 years, never an arguement over guns or money. She may dispute my not being full of crap though...

MADISON · August 9, 2011, 06:29 AM

My wife shoots rifle better than I do.
I shoot handguns better than she does.
My wife is a WHEEL GUN person but, I can handle either one.

Chainman · August 9, 2011, 06:56 AM

I live by a golden rule and after a more than a few years the wife has come to accept it because I don't abuse it too bad.

I would rather ask for forgiveness than permission.

Ask for permission and have it denied will really hang your butt out in the wind asking for a large forgiveness when you go against her wishes anyways

!

JerryM · August 9, 2011, 07:26 AM

After 57 years of happy marriage my advice is do not buy it until she agrees. Give her your rationale for the gun, make sure you have the money, and if she says no then wait until she will agree.

Marriage is not 50/50, but is 100/100. Put her first, and do not spend money on things for which you two are not in agreement. Even if she does not follow that, you are obligated to do so.
In these type of threads note the number of posts that include, "My ex."

The purchase of a gun is not worth marital problems. Do you love your wife more than yourself and your guns? You already have a gun so the "protect my wife" argument won't work.

Regards,
Jerry

357 Python · August 9, 2011, 08:08 AM

Try to save up twice the amount you need for the gun. Then tell her that you want the gun and it costs so much. Then tell her you don't want her to feel left out so you have the same amount for her to do with as she sees fit. Let her decide what she wants to do with her money as you get the gun. Who knows she may just decide to get her own gun and join you on the range.

LarryFlew · August 9, 2011, 09:21 AM

Have a hobby or something that you could do side jobs that result in making some extra bucks?

I buy and sell a lot of different things based on price it is selling for and knowing the value it can be resold for.

IE just did large gun auction and bought up a few of the box lots of misc goodies for $440. So far sold $560 and still have 2 items left worth about $200 each at half of new price. I should come out with a free $150 RCBS case prep machine new in the box and about $300-$400 cash besides.

Leejack · August 9, 2011, 09:35 AM

Having only one gun is the man equivelent to having only one pair of shoes, or one purse for a woman.

She'll never buy that line of crap! LOL!

irish52084 · August 9, 2011, 11:16 AM

I keep my finances separate except for my portion of the bills. If I buy a new gun, I have the money set aside beforehand and it doesn't take away from paying the bills. Initially there were some "why do you need another gun" comments and discussions, but I broke it down like this: I don't buy myself many luxury items or drink $5+ cups of coffee, I maintain my own vehicles, drive a small cheap daily driver etc... I make the sacrifices I want to get the things I want. Eventually she understood and it hasn't been an issue since. She prefers her expensive coffee and other things and I don't complain about them unless she complains about being broke, but I like to argue. It's a personality flaw.

old bear · August 9, 2011, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Patience, my friend, patience!

Excellent advise.

My wife and I were married late in life by most standards and were both accustomed to supporting ourselves. Both of us were Luckily enough to have earned a good living. So money is seldom an issue, and we generally spend as we see fit, up to $500.00 ( don't ask me why that became some sort of cap).

If I were you I would explain to my wife that I was going to save the money to buy a whatever and once you have bought whatever let her know what you have done. All of this is based on the Premises that you can do this without taking money you need to support your family.

TheNocturnus · August 9, 2011, 02:18 PM

I've been married 6 years now and the wife and I don't always agree on what our money should be spent on. Recently we had an argument about a shotgun I purchased without her knowledge, I slept on the couch that night. Eventually she came to terms with it but it still bothered her. I decided to get rid of it so we didn't have that hanging over us.

Bottom line, if you enjoy your married life and the benefits that come with it, discuss it with her first.

jkgruet · August 9, 2011, 02:43 PM

Here's what worked for me.

Step one. Both of you should realize that there is no longe "his" money or "her" money: it's all our money.

Step two. Discuss purchases. Budgeting for hobbies is one method; setting aside money from weekly gedunk is another. But discuss it.

Step two A. Encourage her to learn how to shoot. She may not like it, which is fine: different people have different tastes. But at the least it will no longer be something strange and alien to her, and at best, you'll have your best shooting partner ever.

Blessings and hope it goes well.

markj · August 9, 2011, 04:03 PM

Quote:

So... Anyone who is married knows that if a guy says their wife doesnt have a say on how he spends his money, he is probably not married, or at least full of crap...

Man you best not accuse someone of being full of crap. I have my account, wife has hers and we have a joint. We both contribute to the joint and what is left over in our separate accounts is ours to spend as we wish. It works.

I dont have to ask permission of anyone to buy anything. Niether does she.

I brought home a fine colt new agent she saw it looked it over and said she wants one.

Marry well or suffer your life away. Only advise I heeded.

Buzzcook · August 9, 2011, 04:05 PM

Keep your money separate. Her money, your money and the family money.

That way you're not spending money for home repair or vacations etc. on guns.

Yes your wife still gets a say on what you do with your money, but it's easier to get your way.

microman · August 9, 2011, 04:34 PM

I can understand you wanting something smaller in size than
the Beretta. However, I would never sell a gun to finance
another firearm.

Ever gun I have sold... I have regretted later.

I say patience and save up over time.

shortwave · August 9, 2011, 05:35 PM

Here's a small selling point. Instead of going with a .380, why not look for a ccw in 9mm. There are many out there that are small and a few almost as small as some of the .380's.
ANYWAY...you could tell her you don't have to buy different ammo cause the same ammo fits both guns.
Also, if your having money issue's over a gun, you better price what ammo for the .380 costs compared to 9mm.

Have you explained the difference to her that most smaller guns fitting into the cc category don't usually make the best gun for HD. That guns are just like mechanical tools and designed for different uses.

I think I just talked myself into buying another gun.

Also, have you tried to get her to shoot your 92FS? As you know, their recoil is quite mild. She may just learn to enjoy shooting.

August 8, 2011, 09:35 PM	#1
blincoln Member Join Date: July 22, 2011 Posts: 60	Convincing the Wife... So... Anyone who is married knows that if a guy says their wife doesnt have a say on how he spends his money, he is probably not married, or at least full of crap... I have just recently purchased a Beretta 92FS. I absolutely love it, and wouldnt change my choice on my first purchase. However, I do think that I want something compact or subcompact (ok I want a P238), to CCW. The 92FS is heavy and bulky to where its only really concealed if I am standing/walking. She has come arounds a lot from being extreme no-guns, to now just no spending money... So now I need to push her a bit more without "breaking the camels back" as it were... I just dropped $1K for the 92FS and all related supplies (holster, cleaning kit, lots of ammo, etc.). The P238 would set me back another $500 minimum. Any tips or lines that have worked on convincing your wife to allow the purchase of a second weapon?

August 8, 2011, 11:30 PM	#6
BarryLee Senior Member Join Date: July 29, 2010 Location: The ATL (OTP) Posts: 3,946	Consider working with your wife to set up a formal family budget. Then each of you set up a category called “Hobbies”. Then whatever money you allocate for your hobbies each month is yours to use or save as you see fit. __________________ A major source of objection to a free economy is precisely that it ... gives people what they want instead of what a particular group thinks they ought to want. Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself. - Milton Friedman

August 9, 2011, 12:28 AM	#10
TennJed Senior Member Join Date: September 26, 2010 Posts: 1,536	Got anything to sell?....I love guns and cowboy boots. A few years back I lucked up on 8 pairs of pretty high end boots that I bought at a rock bottom price. Loved all the boots....but love guns more. I am down to my 2 favorite pair of the original 8....but I have 3 more guns to show for it. Sold them off one by one. My point is, since you are new to handguns did you have any hobbies before that you aquired some "toys". My wife had no problem with me getting a new gun as long as I aquired the $ buy getting rid of other toys. __________________ Find out just how tall I am By jumping in the middle of a river

August 9, 2011, 06:29 AM	#12
MADISON Senior Member Join Date: January 1, 2000 Location: Roanoke, Virginia Posts: 2,678	The wife... My wife shoots rifle better than I do. I shoot handguns better than she does. My wife is a WHEEL GUN person but, I can handle either one.

August 9, 2011, 07:26 AM	#14
JerryM Senior Member Join Date: April 4, 1999 Location: New Mexico Posts: 1,889	After 57 years of happy marriage my advice is do not buy it until she agrees. Give her your rationale for the gun, make sure you have the money, and if she says no then wait until she will agree. Marriage is not 50/50, but is 100/100. Put her first, and do not spend money on things for which you two are not in agreement. Even if she does not follow that, you are obligated to do so. In these type of threads note the number of posts that include, "My ex." The purchase of a gun is not worth marital problems. Do you love your wife more than yourself and your guns? You already have a gun so the "protect my wife" argument won't work. Regards, Jerry __________________ Ecclesiastes 12:13 ¶Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. 14 For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil. Last edited by JerryM; August 9, 2011 at 07:33 AM.

August 8, 2011, 09:41 PM	#2
Geezerbiker Senior Member Join Date: March 20, 2011 Location: Willamina, OR Posts: 1,908	Save up the cash so she doesn't know you have it then buy what you want with it. Works for me. Tony

August 8, 2011, 09:45 PM	#3
Discern Senior Member Join Date: July 30, 2011 Posts: 471	IMO, I would not work on her so you can get another firearm. However, I would gently prod her for her to learn how to shoot. Many females are petrified of firearms at the beginning. It would help if you could borrow a .22 Long Rifle handgun or rifle for her to start. From my experience, starting with a low recoil cartridge works best. Be sure to use eye and ear protection. When she sees how fun it can be she may be better able to understand to desire for another firearm.

August 8, 2011, 10:00 PM	#4
lamarw Senior Member Join Date: April 12, 2010 Location: Lake Martin, AL Posts: 3,311	Every wife and/or husband is looking for a gift hint for the next special occasion. I do not know when your birthday is, but Christmas is less than six months away.

August 8, 2011, 10:19 PM	#5
saands Senior Member Join Date: November 14, 1999 Posts: 1,573	Patience, my friend, patience! This is the key. I actually like the idea of salting it away for a while and then shopping, but I think that I would add a twist and after I had about 2/3 of it saved, I'd bring it up that I had been doing without some acceptable "luxury" like donuts on Fridays or that I was drinking coffee from the pot instead of Starbucks or changing our own oil instead of taking the car to Jiffy Lube ... when it is a sacrifice that leads to savings, it is a LOT harder to put conditions on how it gets spent! And whatever you do, don't make the sacrifice something that SHE is paying the price for! Saands

August 8, 2011, 11:41 PM	#7
Eagleks Senior Member Join Date: November 23, 2009 Posts: 575	You know what, if you moved out and I didn't have to feed you anymore or have to see you doing your best to spend every dime I make .... I'ld have a lot more money to spend on my guns. It got me more guns, 2 motorcycles, new sports car, new Jeep, new.... and a lot more traveling.

August 9, 2011, 12:01 AM	#8
Edward429451 Junior member Join Date: November 12, 2000 Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado Posts: 9,494	She responds well to fairness, so she got the same dollar amount as my guns to spend. Saving up the lunch money is always good for extra gun cash. Twice it happened that as soon as I got the new gun, another incredible deal came along that I couldn't pass up. I explained how there was no losing on the guns and with the political climate what it is, the guns values would only go up. It worked, but she realized over time that that sort of thing only works if you sell guns which I do not. Smart gal.

August 9, 2011, 12:10 AM	#9
anonimoose Member Join Date: June 25, 2008 Posts: 72	You say you're looking at the Sig P238, so clearly you're comfortable with the idea of carrying a .380 ACP for your CCW. Why not look into the Bersa Thunder .380 (it's the Argentinian "copy" of the Walther PPk)? Do a search for it on this forum -- very popular firearm, and economical to boot (I've never seen it for more than $300). Plus, as a fellow owner of a Beretta 92FS, I'm a big believer in the KISS principle and advocate keeping your manual of arms consistent from firearm to firearm. Since the 92FS is somewhat atypical (slide-mounted safety as opposed to a frame-mounted safety, traditional DA/SA hammer-fired trigger as opposed to the striker-fired pistols that are all the rage, sweep-up-to-fire safety as opposed to 1911/CZ/P238-style sweep-down-to-fire safety), you might consider getting something just as "atypical", like the Bersa Thunder.

August 9, 2011, 06:56 AM	#13
Chainman Member Join Date: March 27, 2011 Posts: 64	I live by a golden rule and after a more than a few years the wife has come to accept it because I don't abuse it too bad. I would rather ask for forgiveness than permission. Ask for permission and have it denied will really hang your butt out in the wind asking for a large forgiveness when you go against her wishes anyways !

August 9, 2011, 08:08 AM	#15
357 Python Senior Member Join Date: June 7, 2007 Location: Charlottesville, VA Posts: 941	Try to save up twice the amount you need for the gun. Then tell her that you want the gun and it costs so much. Then tell her you don't want her to feel left out so you have the same amount for her to do with as she sees fit. Let her decide what she wants to do with her money as you get the gun. Who knows she may just decide to get her own gun and join you on the range.

August 9, 2011, 09:21 AM	#16
LarryFlew Senior Member Join Date: June 15, 2009 Location: Minnesota CZ fan Posts: 902	Have a hobby or something that you could do side jobs that result in making some extra bucks? I buy and sell a lot of different things based on price it is selling for and knowing the value it can be resold for. IE just did large gun auction and bought up a few of the box lots of misc goodies for $440. So far sold $560 and still have 2 items left worth about $200 each at half of new price. I should come out with a free $150 RCBS case prep machine new in the box and about $300-$400 cash besides.

August 9, 2011, 09:35 AM	#17
Leejack Senior Member Join Date: November 15, 2007 Location: The Alamo! Posts: 2,056	Having only one gun is the man equivelent to having only one pair of shoes, or one purse for a woman. She'll never buy that line of crap! LOL!

August 9, 2011, 11:16 AM	#18
irish52084 Senior Member Join Date: March 28, 2011 Location: Washington, the state, not that "other" one. Posts: 514	I keep my finances separate except for my portion of the bills. If I buy a new gun, I have the money set aside beforehand and it doesn't take away from paying the bills. Initially there were some "why do you need another gun" comments and discussions, but I broke it down like this: I don't buy myself many luxury items or drink $5+ cups of coffee, I maintain my own vehicles, drive a small cheap daily driver etc... I make the sacrifices I want to get the things I want. Eventually she understood and it hasn't been an issue since. She prefers her expensive coffee and other things and I don't complain about them unless she complains about being broke, but I like to argue. It's a personality flaw.

August 9, 2011, 02:18 PM	#20
TheNocturnus Senior Member Join Date: May 29, 2011 Location: Missouri Posts: 1,097	I've been married 6 years now and the wife and I don't always agree on what our money should be spent on. Recently we had an argument about a shotgun I purchased without her knowledge, I slept on the couch that night. Eventually she came to terms with it but it still bothered her. I decided to get rid of it so we didn't have that hanging over us. Bottom line, if you enjoy your married life and the benefits that come with it, discuss it with her first. __________________ My EDC: Gun Wallet Brain (Use this one the most)

August 9, 2011, 02:43 PM	#21
jkgruet Member Join Date: February 16, 2011 Location: New Mexico Posts: 18	It's our money Here's what worked for me. Step one. Both of you should realize that there is no longe "his" money or "her" money: it's all our money. Step two. Discuss purchases. Budgeting for hobbies is one method; setting aside money from weekly gedunk is another. But discuss it. Step two A. Encourage her to learn how to shoot. She may not like it, which is fine: different people have different tastes. But at the least it will no longer be something strange and alien to her, and at best, you'll have your best shooting partner ever. Blessings and hope it goes well.

August 9, 2011, 04:05 PM	#23
Buzzcook Senior Member Join Date: November 29, 2007 Location: Everett, WA Posts: 6,126	Keep your money separate. Her money, your money and the family money. That way you're not spending money for home repair or vacations etc. on guns. Yes your wife still gets a say on what you do with your money, but it's easier to get your way.

August 9, 2011, 04:34 PM	#24
microman Senior Member Join Date: February 6, 2011 Posts: 428	I can understand you wanting something smaller in size than the Beretta. However, I would never sell a gun to finance another firearm. Ever gun I have sold... I have regretted later. I say patience and save up over time.

August 9, 2011, 05:35 PM	#25
shortwave Senior Member Join Date: December 17, 2007 Location: SOUTHEAST, OHIO Posts: 5,970	Here's a small selling point. Instead of going with a .380, why not look for a ccw in 9mm. There are many out there that are small and a few almost as small as some of the .380's. ANYWAY...you could tell her you don't have to buy different ammo cause the same ammo fits both guns. Also, if your having money issue's over a gun, you better price what ammo for the .380 costs compared to 9mm. Have you explained the difference to her that most smaller guns fitting into the cc category don't usually make the best gun for HD. That guns are just like mechanical tools and designed for different uses. I think I just talked myself into buying another gun. Also, have you tried to get her to shoot your 92FS? As you know, their recoil is quite mild. She may just learn to enjoy shooting.

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