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Old June 13, 2010, 01:44 AM   #1
thecottonball
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squirrel hunt gone bad

I am trying to get my post count up, it is almost 1000 over at THR where I am known as ccsniper. This is a short story my english teacher had me right for a college grade a while back. This story is meant in jest and didn't count as too much of a grade, but I hope you guys find it funny.

I had just learned that Arkansas had extended the spring squirrel season and was very excited about it. Outside the thermometer was hovering right at 90 degrees with humidity around 80 percent. I knew it would be a sweaty and sticky hunt but I didn't have an opportunity to kill something last fall, so I was willing to bare the heat to get me some squirrel.

I picked up my hunting buddy on the way to our deer camp. He sat down into the truck wearing full camo garb and carrying a 12 gauge shotgun. I had brought my trusty NEF 20 gauge single shot a long for the hunt and my .22 Ruger standard model. "Aren't you afraid you will miss with the first shot?" John asked as he put his seat belt on. "Nah, it isn't like anything will attack us or anything" I replied. Little did I know what was too come.

We arrived at the camp around 2:00 pm. We simply walked out into the woods where we had seen the most squirrel activity last fall. For nearly 6 hours nothing happened, not even a single leaf drifted to earth in the Arkansas heat. And not a single sound was to be heard. The woods felt very eerie.

At 8:00 John and I met up at the cabin, "you see anything?" "Not a single damn thing and nothing has made any noise this whole afternoon. Kind of creepy". Just as I had finished saying that the leaves not 50 yards from us rustled. We scurried over to see if it was a squirrel and got 20 yards away. That is when it happened.

A massive squirrel, including the tail was 26 inches long, charging straight at me! It all happened in slow motion, as if time had slowed down to a near stop. I remember raising my single shot and firing. The one ounce of number six shot slammed into the ground sending leaves and dirt into the air a foot behind the charging beast. I screamed "SHOOT JOHN SHOOT IT!!!". I dropped the sigle and went for my backup gun, the Ruger .22 which I knew would not be enough to stop a charging squirrel. POP...POP...POP... I fired all 8 rounds and then the most terrifying sound I have ever heard "CLICK". Just then, not eight feet from it burying its massive nutcracking teeth into my almonds John's Mossberg rang out BOOOOM!!! BOOOOM!!!! two shells of 00 buckshot into the monster which stopped him cold. The boar squirrel was down but not out, he continued for one more foot before John put a 12 gauge slug between his eyes to end him for good.

It all happened in a span of about five seconds but felt like a lifetime. I felt so sick that I had just almost been the victim of a charging boar squirrel that I had to throw up. I later found out that John's shotgun had failed to fire the shell in the chamber, so he unloaded it and loaded up with his home defense ammo. As it turns out I had hit the beast with all eight out of the .22 rounds, no holes were present but we believe that the .22 just bounced off the squirrels thick hide.

Lessons were learned that day. Bring enough gun, next time I venture into the wild I will take nothing less than a .44 mag and a .500 nitro. Single shots are not useful in any way and should be discarded. Don't trust your friend to shoot the charging bull squirrel when you miss. Pray that you never are looking face to face with one of God's most dangerous animals charging straight for your almonds!!!


This story was done is done in fun and is not true. Thanks reading and would like to know what you think.
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Old June 13, 2010, 01:00 PM   #2
James R. Burke
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Great story, I enjoyed reading it.
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Old June 13, 2010, 02:23 PM   #3
thecottonball
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I hoped people would like it, but was hoping for a few more responses
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Old June 14, 2010, 07:47 AM   #4
Scout
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So, what college are you attending?
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Old June 14, 2010, 09:14 AM   #5
stephen426
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I'm sorry... but what is the point of posting things just to get your post count higher? Post count is just a number.

You might also want to work on your grammer. Back when I was in school, we lost a letter grade for each spelling or grammatical error. Also, your teacher had you write a short story, not right a short story.
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Old June 14, 2010, 09:46 AM   #6
Longdayjake
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Do yourself a favor. Send me any of your short stories before you turn them in and I will help you proof them. The good news is you are a good story teller. The bad news is you are a horrid writer. The other good news is that writing is something that you can improve whereas storytelling is something that is near impossible to improve.
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Old June 14, 2010, 12:29 PM   #7
kodiakbeer
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Quote:
You might also want to work on your grammer.
Let's not be dragging Kelsey Grammer into a discussion on Grammar...
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Old June 14, 2010, 04:05 PM   #8
g.willikers
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thecottonball,
Forget being a story teller, you're such a good fibber, you should run for office.
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Old June 14, 2010, 04:54 PM   #9
thecottonball
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Quote:
Do yourself a favor. Send me any of your short stories before you turn them in and I will help you proof them. The good news is you are a good story teller. The bad news is you are a horrid writer. The other good news is that writing is something that you can improve whereas storytelling is something that is near impossible to improve.
I know my grammar sucks, and I am okay with that. It didn't really count as a grade as more of seeing where we were on our ability to tell stories.

Quote:
You might also want to work on your grammer. Back when I was in school, we lost a letter grade for each spelling or grammatical error. Also, your teacher had you write a short story, not right a short story.
I failed high school English 3 years in a row. I live in Arkansas where they don't really give a flying horseshoe as to how you can spell or if it is grammatically correct.

Quote:
thecottonball,
Forget being a story teller, you're such a good fibber, you should run for office.
where I come from telling someone they should be a politician is fighten words,

Quote:
I'm sorry... but what is the point of posting things just to get your post count higher? Post count is just a number.
when I see someone with 2000 or more posts such as yourself, I tend to automatically value their opinion cause they clearly spend a great deal of time on the gun forum and could possibly have a great deal of knowledge.
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Old June 14, 2010, 05:32 PM   #10
kodiakbeer
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Quote:
when I see someone with 2000 or more posts such as yourself, I tend to automatically value their opinion
Note that he misspelled grammar while criticizing your grammar and spelling.

One of the best ways to learn grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc, is to use MS Word. Write all your stuff in that program and then correct using the green and red underlines that the program cues you with. You can copy and paste from there.
It's not perfect since you'll end up sounding too formal, but once you master the basics you can branch out and include local idioms and phrases that the program doesn't recognize.

I was more interested in girls and guns than English literature in High School. Years later, I had to learn or re-learn all that stuff and MS Word was the tool that made it easy for me.
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Old June 16, 2010, 09:19 AM   #11
stephen426
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kodiakbeer
Note that he misspelled grammar while criticizing your grammar and spelling.
Oops... Grammar is one of those words that is not really spelled the way it sounds. There are plenty of words like that. My bad!
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Old June 17, 2010, 05:39 PM   #12
Prof Young
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Bad Grammar????

Actually, with this kind of story, bad grammar may be a big part of the telling. Gives the narrator his/her unique and seemingly authentic voice. The Bard himself actually made up a lot of his own words.

Live well, Be Safe
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Old June 19, 2010, 09:35 PM   #13
Ftom14cat
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Quote:
when I see someone with 2000 or more posts such as yourself, I tend to automatically value their opinion cause they clearly spend a great deal of time on the gun forum and could possibly have a great deal of knowledge.
Maybe they just wrote stories to get their post count up?
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Old June 20, 2010, 10:04 AM   #14
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That would be a good campfire story, gotta find some excitement in anything you hunt. It was funny.
Thanks for the story, I enjoyed it.
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Old June 20, 2010, 10:19 AM   #15
Xfire68
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What do you mean by "Your Almonds"? LOL Funny story!

Just so you know I had a wild baby squirrel that was injured by falling out of the tree and once it was healthy (About 2 months) it turned into a "Almond charging beast"! That thing was literally a nut! A scary evil nut!
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