Under Attack!

[Art Eatman]

He'p me, he'p me! What do I do about all these quail running across my front porch?

It ain't quail season, and I don' wanna be a poacher--can't shoot'em in the head, I guess.

Is quail poop on the deck anywhere the real of justification of crop damage by deer?

Hellllppp!

[Dennis]

((with apologies to all real sportsmen...))

Heck, Art! Don't cha know nuthin? Ya gotta use yore head for more than a fense post, boy! Yore sittin on a gold mine!

Read them quail a story about how good Bill Clinton is. When they falls over laffin, tie a cord around the leg of each bird. Tie each bird to a tree. A different tree for each bird, dammit, or they git all tangled up!

Feed 'em real good till quail seazun.
Then have one a them big city fellers from Yoovaldee come down and pay ya a thousand dollars to shoot one a them tree-tied quail with his bran new .600 Nitro Express rifle. Make sure he hits a bird the first try cause he'll be too shook up to shoot that gun twice!

Take his pitcher out there in the field amongst all them feathers whats left, ya see. Then wring a quail's neck and give him the bird - the quail, I mean - so's he can have it stuffed and put in his den.

Now be ready! If he's really a big time hi-roller, ya mite have ta wring another quail's neck so's he kin have one for DISplay where he works. Charge him extry for the second bird, a course.

Now if'n y'all have any questions, you jus call me an I'll straighten you out some more.

Yore huntin buddy,
Zeke

PS. Did you ever git yore still workin agin after the big Explosion?

[El Chimango Pete]

D'you think you could encourage them to migrate South? We have opposite seasons - be glad to oblige with our partridge when our respective summers/winters flip over again.

On the other hand you could redefine them as 'wild chickens' ... if gov'mints can make words mean what suits, we should be able to as well.

[Dennis]

Wild chickens. Great!
Up in Michigan, some outlaw friends of my in-laws call deer "jump meat" or "government goat". I had the darndest time figuring out what they were talking about.
Don't know if we can swap partridge for quail or not. But if it's an even bird-for-bird swap, I think we're coming out ahead.

[DC]

Build a pen first.

Then trap them in a box trap with a string controlled door. Sprinkle some grain around and bait the trap. Peek thru the window and yank the string when the trap is full.

Fatten them up and oh my YUMMY!

[Art Eatman]

Hey, Dennis! Back in the old western days, so I wuz told as a youngun, a neighboring fella's cows were occasionally referred to as "slow elk"...

And then there's "Camp Meat", which is a spike buck shot in the neck. "Don't bring no damn' big deer in here, boy, and if you can't shoot'im in the neck, stick to washin' the dishes!"

Given the timing of different seasons for different birds, I've been known to refer to quail as "ground doves"...

[Dennis]

Man, oh, man.
I knew I didn't get to Texas on time! Dang! I sure missed a lot of good upbringin'.

I guess ground doves could make good eatin', too. Not too sure about "slow elk". Neighbor might have a short fuse....

[El Chimango Pete]

Built a large pen here in the "Sierras" - thought to breed a bit of variety into our game (our Argentine 'partridge' by the way are 'tinamou': very similar birds, different varieties, fly about the same and are cooked the same). Bought a brace of pheasants... roof of pen wasn't all that it was supposed to be and birds shot out fastern' one could say "oh sh-". A year later, ranch hands would say "Hey patron (boss) there sure are some funny perdizes (partridge) about here" Never did get to see them when I had a shotgun with me tho'.
As regards the swap - well you could throw in the freight - or are Art's quail supposed to fly here on their own?... 'homing quail' - now theres a thought.

[Art Eatman]

The way you "make" homing quail is to keep a clock-feeder going all year round.

West Texas has the blue or scaled quail; they are about half again the size of bob whites. They also run like deer, and won't hold for a birddog's point. If you use a birddog to hunt these critters, you'll need to send him to a doggy psychiatrist afterwards...

They're easily trained into welfarism, and I've gotten them to come when called. When I worked with them on a steady basis, I could get them so gentled that they would let me sit in a chair in the yard and peck grain from around my feet...Neat little critters.

My "Code of the West" has it that there's no shooting of quail within a couple of hundred yards of the house. That far out, they're as wild as ever.

When hunting blues, never, ever, shoot a double. There is a strange metamorphosis which occurs in the first bird downed: He turns into a rock. If you for one moment take your eyes off him, to shoot the second bird, you'll never ever again find the first one! And while looking for the first, you'll lose track of the second, allowing HIM time for the metamorphosis. This can give you ulcers, and you'll join your dog at the Shrink's...

What's a bit strange (among other things around this house) is that I have a couple of foxes which come up and nibble some of the cracked corn from under the feeder. Later, they come onto the porch and deposit evidence that foxes do not digest corn. Go figure.

Nighty-bye, Art

[Rob Pincus]

I second the vote for the trapping and penning. BUT, I think you need to build a tall, narrow pen (15 feet wide, 30 yards long, 20 feet tall).

Feed the birds only at one end of the pen or the other, and SCARE them occassionally, causing them to get used to flying from one end to other.

When the season hits, Loose the birds and they should still act relatively naturally when you and your dogs flush them!

[headroom]

if you want the quail off the deck, try getting some of those plastic owls and put them nearby. keeping the birds away probably doesn't justify getting in trouble with the law.

[Art Eatman]

Headroom, you're up past your bedtime. And I'd probably wind up with a bunch of @#$%#$ owls hanging around, hooting all night...

[Jeff Thomas]

I had this same problem with rabbits - herds of 'em. Bought a single shot, Benjamin-Sheridan air rifle with scope, and now ... almost no bunnies. 'Course, it was pretty nerve wracking ... one shot, charging rabbit, ears down, gnashing front teeth ... but, we do what we have to do.

[Dennis]

Jeff,
With them chargin' bunnies, maybe you should put a low-power scope halfway down the barrel and make it a Sheridan Scout!

[El Chimango Pete]

For a "Sheridan-Scout" you'd need to add a bipod also and it should be priced at $2000 minimum. Mind you, Art's quail are about three times the size of bob whites (he said 'half again' but remember they're Texan) - and it seems they turn into rocks. You could be undergunned (even with the Nitro 600 Express). Charging bunnies are 'dangerous game' of course, don't mean to underestimate Jeff's plight - remember, President Carter was attacked by one (ok, President T. Roosvelt was charged by Water Bufflers, but times were different then).


[This message has been edited by Elchimango (edited April 09, 1999).]

[bookkie]

I'm for pinin' um up. What I used to do (notice past tense ) was to get a few of the old fashioned milk bottles. Put them in the ground at about a 75% angle. Put a little grain in the bottles and springle around on the ground. The quail will crawl into the bottles to eat he grain. They can't climb out again because the glass is to slick. Can't fly out because the glass keeps them from opening their wings.

After they are caught in this manner they are no longer wild birds but domesticated. As anyone who lives on a farm can tell you any annimal that can't earn his keep is food.

On a side note, once had a lab who used to chase a covey of quail down a squarrel hole and then place his paw over the hole to keep them from getting out. When I was ready I would shout Pull and the dog would lift his paw just long enough to let one out....

Richard

P.S. Hope everyone was wearin their boots...