You might be a mall ninja

nemoaz · February 3, 2009, 10:16 AM

Apparently, some of our newbies are struggling with this problem. I thought a self-assessment guide would be useful to them.

You might be a mall ninja if:

You considered duct-taping a kitchen knife to your long arms to serve as a bayonet.

Your AR has more rails than the local train yard.

You put a heat shield on your shotgun because you may need it during urban assaults.

You put an M4 stock on your H&R single shot.

You put a pistol grip on your shotgun because you are so good at hip-shooting. If one pistol grip is good, two must be better, ehhh?

You don't actually have an AR, so you decided to make your 10/22 look like one as much as possible.

You have a breaching device on the end of your home defense shotgun, just in case you need to breach your own doors.

You think that during TSHTF, you will carry a bolt action rifle, a shotgun, a SOCOM M1A, a Ruger Mark II, and a 1911 just to cover all the base.

You have a .50 cal muzzle brake on your shotgun.

Your game remote is attached to an AR rail in case you get ambushed on Rainbow Six while you are handling your AR.

You have desert camo or sand colored weapons, even though you live in Illinois.

You consider playing Call of Duty to be combat experience.

Did I miss any?

hogdogs · February 3, 2009, 10:32 AM

You are full aware that the racking of a pump is as good as actually loading it.
Brent

goodspeed(TPF) · February 3, 2009, 10:34 AM

Quote:

You have a breaching device on the end of your home defense shotgun, just in case you need to breach your own doors.

Hahahahahaha.

You think that Ball ammo is required for self defense because you need the extra penetration.

Cerick · February 3, 2009, 10:34 AM

that makes me a mall ninja. o well

**Mike Irwin** · February 3, 2009, 10:45 AM

You consider a golf cart to be a viable urban assault vehicle.

goodspeed(TPF) · February 3, 2009, 10:48 AM

Alternatively motivated missile launching tactical vehicle?

SPUSCG · February 3, 2009, 11:02 AM

you carried home a couple manhole covers from the junk yard planning on using them as body armor

you wear a balaclava when room clearing your house

you believe desert eagles are the ultimate combat handgun

you are frequently kicked from the range for safety violations

you think the glock 17 is cool

you see an ar pistol and want to buy it

Chuckusaret · February 3, 2009, 11:14 AM

Quote:

You are full aware that the racking of a pump is as good as actually loading it.
Brent

Not true. The druggies that do the home invasion here in south east Florida have never heard that sound where they come from, plus if they have, it gives your position away to them. The only sound that gets a home invaders, most are armed, attention is the "Bang" from your gun.

carguychris · February 3, 2009, 11:27 AM

You've ever seriously considered mounting a tactical rail on a Mosin-Nagant.

You consider the first time you watched the movie Commando to be one of the primary formative experiences of your life.

You've ever installed $500+ of accessories on a gun you purchased for less than $250.

Most of your T-shirts are emblazoned with the logo of your favorite brand of handgun. (Double mall-ninja points if you don't actually own one.

)

You can't imagine carrying a revolver or single-stack semi-auto as your primary CCW piece, because 5-8 rounds would be inadequate if you're assaulted by a 5-man team of commandos at the neighborhood EZ-Mart.

goodspeed(TPF) · February 3, 2009, 11:30 AM

Quote:

You can't imagine carrying a revolver or single-stack semi-auto as your primary CCW piece, because 5-8 rounds would be inadequate if you're assaulted by a 5-man team of commandos at the neighborhood EZ-Mart.

Bwaaaahahahahahahaha!!!

Evan Thomas · February 3, 2009, 11:31 AM

You have a drawer full of tactical underwear.

carguychris · February 3, 2009, 11:35 AM

Quote:

you think the glock 17 is cool

Double mall-ninja points if you answer any question in the "General Handgun Forum" with "just buy a Glock 17, it's the only handgun you really need."

("I'm looking for a handgun to hunt hogs with, and my local pusher has a S&W 629 Classic and a Ruger Super Redhawk..." "I'm looking for a new gun for Cowboy Action Shooting, and can't decide between a Ruger Vaquero or a Beretta Stampede..." "I'd like to do some squirrel hunting, and can't decide between a Ruger MkIII or a Browning Buckmark...")

SPUSCG · February 3, 2009, 11:39 AM

i need a sidearm for bear country, im thinking of a smith and wesson 50-------

"no a glock has more than 5 rounds and is relia--------

i can just see those threads.

mall ninja points if you say m4geries are best too

im thinking of hunting elk...

.....buy an m4, if its used to kill terrorists......

i dont like either glocks or ars though, im more of a .30 cal and .45 cal person

oh one more, your a frequent visitor to 9x19mm.com, and get your tac advice from gecko

goodspeed(TPF) · February 3, 2009, 11:49 AM

You're a frequent visitor to 9x19mm.com, and your only friend is "Yahoo [Bot]".

Cerick · February 3, 2009, 11:52 AM

Your a mega mall ninja if you think this would be a great weapon/ want one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvLK-...e=channel_page

vranasaurus · February 3, 2009, 11:55 AM

Quote:

you believe deagles are the ultimate combat handgun

Fixed it for you.

You leave the house equiped with a combat first aid kit.

goodspeed(TPF) · February 3, 2009, 12:02 PM

You carry extra batteries "just in case".

SPUSCG · February 3, 2009, 12:16 PM

you mount an eotech on a handgun

Webleymkv · February 3, 2009, 12:47 PM

You only buy ammo with the word "extreme" in the name.

http://www.extremeshockusa.com/

Logs · February 3, 2009, 12:59 PM

You put double green lasers on your AR15 in case one goes down.

carguychris · February 3, 2009, 02:32 PM

Quote:

You consider a golf cart to be a viable urban assault vehicle.

Sung to the tune of the "Cops" theme song...

Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when the golf cart comes for you

Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when the golf cart comes for you

Mall se-cu-ri-ty comin' in the golf cart
If you ain't runnin' yet, then you really better start
Se-cu-ri-ty mall ninja comin' at you with his Glock
Gonna blow you full'a holes usin' tha Extreme Shock

Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when the golf cart comes for you

Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when the golf cart comes for you

goodspeed(TPF) · February 3, 2009, 02:59 PM

That's funny right there.

Skans · February 3, 2009, 03:09 PM

Quote:

You can't imagine carrying a revolver or single-stack semi-auto as your primary CCW piece, because 5-8 rounds would be inadequate if you're assaulted by a 5-man team of commandos at the neighborhood EZ-Mart.

Now, waaaaaaait a minute............

goodspeed(TPF) · February 3, 2009, 03:11 PM

If you have a myspace page that looks ZACTLY like this. http://www.myspace.com/tacticalsecurityenforcer

Check the "pics" link.

Technosavant · February 3, 2009, 03:16 PM

You might be a mall ninja if...

Your first thought upon seeing a nice original condition milsurp of any variety is "wow, I could buy that for cheap and toss a Tapco stock on the thing along with a scope mount and have a cheap tactical rifle!"

You own several knives, but only the Swiss Army Knife doesn't look like something out of a comic book or martial arts movie.

You have numerous patches or stickers of different military units. You've never even been inside a recruiting station.

You consider a zombie apocalypse not fodder for a fun BS session but a real possibility for which you have been preparing.

You spend more money on MOLLE gear and other "tactical" wear than you do on a year's worth of range ammo.

When somebody even mentions another make or model of firearm as being equal or better than your pet brand (usually the "Deagle," a Glock, or a HK), no matter the application, your first reaction is to post hateful messages about how the person just doesn't understand guns in general. Even experience owning a machine gun store pales to your Counterstrike time.

You know for a fact that a more powerful round is always better. It doesn't matter if you're just popping a squirrel out of the bird feeder, you have no manhood if you used anything less than a 7.62 NATO.

February 3, 2009, 10:16 AM	#1
nemoaz Junior member Join Date: May 4, 2007 Location: Meechigan Posts: 492	You might be a mall ninja Apparently, some of our newbies are struggling with this problem. I thought a self-assessment guide would be useful to them. You might be a mall ninja if: You considered duct-taping a kitchen knife to your long arms to serve as a bayonet. Your AR has more rails than the local train yard. You put a heat shield on your shotgun because you may need it during urban assaults. You put an M4 stock on your H&R single shot. You put a pistol grip on your shotgun because you are so good at hip-shooting. If one pistol grip is good, two must be better, ehhh? You don't actually have an AR, so you decided to make your 10/22 look like one as much as possible. You have a breaching device on the end of your home defense shotgun, just in case you need to breach your own doors. You think that during TSHTF, you will carry a bolt action rifle, a shotgun, a SOCOM M1A, a Ruger Mark II, and a 1911 just to cover all the base. You have a .50 cal muzzle brake on your shotgun. Your game remote is attached to an AR rail in case you get ambushed on Rainbow Six while you are handling your AR. You have desert camo or sand colored weapons, even though you live in Illinois. You consider playing Call of Duty to be combat experience. Did I miss any?

February 3, 2009, 10:48 AM	#6
goodspeed(TPF) Senior Member Join Date: January 19, 2009 Location: WI Posts: 1,162	Alternatively motivated missile launching tactical vehicle? __________________ It's a trick. Get an axe. http://www.thepiratefleet.com/index.shtml

February 3, 2009, 11:02 AM	#7
SPUSCG Senior Member Join Date: January 25, 2008 Posts: 3,004	you carried home a couple manhole covers from the junk yard planning on using them as body armor you wear a balaclava when room clearing your house you believe desert eagles are the ultimate combat handgun you are frequently kicked from the range for safety violations you think the glock 17 is cool you see an ar pistol and want to buy it __________________ Check us out: www.imfdb.org. Fun site for people who love gun movies.

February 3, 2009, 11:27 AM	#9
carguychris Senior Member Join Date: October 20, 2007 Location: Richardson, TX Posts: 7,523	You've ever seriously considered mounting a tactical rail on a Mosin-Nagant. You consider the first time you watched the movie Commando to be one of the primary formative experiences of your life. You've ever installed $500+ of accessories on a gun you purchased for less than $250. Most of your T-shirts are emblazoned with the logo of your favorite brand of handgun. (Double mall-ninja points if you don't actually own one. ) You can't imagine carrying a revolver or single-stack semi-auto as your primary CCW piece, because 5-8 rounds would be inadequate if you're assaulted by a 5-man team of commandos at the neighborhood EZ-Mart. __________________ "Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules... MARK IT ZERO!!" - Walter Sobchak

February 3, 2009, 11:39 AM	#13
SPUSCG Senior Member Join Date: January 25, 2008 Posts: 3,004	i need a sidearm for bear country, im thinking of a smith and wesson 50------- "no a glock has more than 5 rounds and is relia-------- i can just see those threads. mall ninja points if you say m4geries are best too im thinking of hunting elk... .....buy an m4, if its used to kill terrorists...... i dont like either glocks or ars though, im more of a .30 cal and .45 cal person oh one more, your a frequent visitor to 9x19mm.com, and get your tac advice from gecko __________________ Check us out: www.imfdb.org. Fun site for people who love gun movies.

February 3, 2009, 10:32 AM	#2
hogdogs Staff In Memoriam Join Date: October 31, 2007 Location: Western Florida panhandle Posts: 11,069	You are full aware that the racking of a pump is as good as actually loading it. Brent

February 3, 2009, 10:34 AM	#4
Cerick Senior Member Join Date: May 13, 2008 Location: 973, NJ Posts: 345	that makes me a mall ninja. o well

February 3, 2009, 10:45 AM	#5
Mike Irwin Staff Join Date: April 13, 2000 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 41,390	You consider a golf cart to be a viable urban assault vehicle.

February 3, 2009, 11:31 AM	#11
Evan Thomas Senior Member Join Date: July 7, 2008 Location: Upper midwest Posts: 5,631	You have a drawer full of tactical underwear.

February 3, 2009, 11:52 AM	#15
Cerick Senior Member Join Date: May 13, 2008 Location: 973, NJ Posts: 345	Your a mega mall ninja if you think this would be a great weapon/ want one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvLK-...e=channel_page

February 3, 2009, 12:02 PM	#17
goodspeed(TPF) Senior Member Join Date: January 19, 2009 Location: WI Posts: 1,162	You carry extra batteries "just in case". __________________ It's a trick. Get an axe. http://www.thepiratefleet.com/index.shtml

February 3, 2009, 12:16 PM	#18
SPUSCG Senior Member Join Date: January 25, 2008 Posts: 3,004	you mount an eotech on a handgun __________________ Check us out: www.imfdb.org. Fun site for people who love gun movies.

February 3, 2009, 12:47 PM	#19
Webleymkv Senior Member Join Date: July 20, 2005 Location: Indiana Posts: 10,446	You only buy ammo with the word "extreme" in the name. http://www.extremeshockusa.com/

February 3, 2009, 12:59 PM	#20
Logs Senior Member Join Date: November 26, 1999 Location: BLUEGRASS STATE KY USA Posts: 1,780	You put double green lasers on your AR15 in case one goes down.

February 3, 2009, 02:59 PM	#22
goodspeed(TPF) Senior Member Join Date: January 19, 2009 Location: WI Posts: 1,162	That's funny right there. __________________ It's a trick. Get an axe. http://www.thepiratefleet.com/index.shtml

February 3, 2009, 03:11 PM	#24
goodspeed(TPF) Senior Member Join Date: January 19, 2009 Location: WI Posts: 1,162	If you have a myspace page that looks ZACTLY like this. http://www.myspace.com/tacticalsecurityenforcer Check the "pics" link. __________________ It's a trick. Get an axe. http://www.thepiratefleet.com/index.shtml

February 3, 2009, 03:16 PM	#25
Technosavant Senior Member Join Date: May 29, 2007 Location: St. Louis, MO area Posts: 4,040	You might be a mall ninja if... Your first thought upon seeing a nice original condition milsurp of any variety is "wow, I could buy that for cheap and toss a Tapco stock on the thing along with a scope mount and have a cheap tactical rifle!" You own several knives, but only the Swiss Army Knife doesn't look like something out of a comic book or martial arts movie. You have numerous patches or stickers of different military units. You've never even been inside a recruiting station. You consider a zombie apocalypse not fodder for a fun BS session but a real possibility for which you have been preparing. You spend more money on MOLLE gear and other "tactical" wear than you do on a year's worth of range ammo. When somebody even mentions another make or model of firearm as being equal or better than your pet brand (usually the "Deagle," a Glock, or a HK), no matter the application, your first reaction is to post hateful messages about how the person just doesn't understand guns in general. Even experience owning a machine gun store pales to your Counterstrike time. You know for a fact that a more powerful round is always better. It doesn't matter if you're just popping a squirrel out of the bird feeder, you have no manhood if you used anything less than a 7.62 NATO.