Exercising a high level of restraint and knowing when to walk away

JohnH1963 · January 2, 2009, 09:55 PM

My New Years was not so good. I was at a bar, like many people out there, and there was a high level of intoxication.

First, a woman punched me with a closed fist for no obvious reason.

Second, about an hour later, a man grabbed my arm with a strong grip and said some threatening words with a scowling face.

Both times could probably be considered assault and battery and I could have done something. I sure was angry and had a few drinks myself, but I exercised a high level of restraint and walked backwards.

Im still a little peeved how memories of New Years are colored by two jerkish characters in a bar, but Im proud that I decided to exercise restraint and retreated from each situation. If I reacted any other way, then who knows if I would have substained injuries or would have been put into jail myself.

I really think that exercising restraint and retreating is the best answer to any self-defense situation. It may not be the brave thing to do, but it keeps you out of trouble.

MrNiceGuy · January 2, 2009, 09:59 PM

reason number #4,983,898,126 that i avoid bars

w_houle · January 2, 2009, 10:01 PM

No, it keeps me out of bars! Glad to see you did well in the given situation.

horatioo · January 2, 2009, 10:02 PM

Quote:

reason number #4,983,898,126 that i avoid bars

you need a lot of reasons to ignore hot drunk girls IMO

Tucker 1371 · January 2, 2009, 10:03 PM

Im just the FNG around here but, ANY situation?

Quote:

you need a lot of reasons to ignore hot drunk girls IMO

gotta agree with that one

OldShooter · January 2, 2009, 11:24 PM

I spent New Years Eve with my girlfriend and another couple at our home; very little drinking, no arguments, no fights. I cannot abide stupid drunks(they all are) and so I stay away from bars. John, you should admirable restraint, but I would have left after the first incident(if I were there at all).
Happy New Year!

Creature · January 2, 2009, 11:26 PM

Quote:

First, a woman punched me with a closed fist for no obvious reason.

Second, about an hour later, a man grabbed my arm with a strong grip and said some threatening words with a scowling face.

There should have been no "second". You should have left at the "first".

KUHIO · January 2, 2009, 11:32 PM

I can't remember what happened New Year's Eve. But I woke at my In-Laws house, same place I started the night, and not in Jail-- Success!

JohnH1963 · January 2, 2009, 11:33 PM

You are right. There should have been no second and I should have left at the first. I actually have developed some common sense rules for going out in order to keep me out of trouble.

First rule. Avoid staying out past midnight. People usually get more intoxicated as the night persists. The "good crowd" of people usually go home by midnight while the rest stay behind. By midnight, you are better off in your bed then out intoxicated.

Second rule. When one bad thing happens, its time to go home. Bad things usually come in threes and the only way to prevent that is to go home on the first bad thing. This not only comes with bars, but life in general. If something really negative happens, its best not to persist, but to head back to home. There were a few other bad things that happened that night as well such as my jacket getting stolen.

Third rule. 3 drink max. The maximum number of drinks is 3. Any more drinks then that while out usually leads to trouble for obvious reasons. I guess it depends upon your weight and known tolerance for liquor.

I violated all of my rules for staying out of trouble.

Creature · January 2, 2009, 11:37 PM

Quote:

You are right. There should have been no second and I should have left at the first. I actually have developed some common sense rules for going out in order to keep me out of trouble.

That said, its a shame people cant leave other folks to have a good night.

vox rationis · January 3, 2009, 11:57 AM

yep bars can be big trouble, and "hot" drunk girls are trouble, but if they're out of control heated, especially in a bar, then to me they go from "hot", to "skank"..sorry

Brian Pfleuger · January 3, 2009, 12:00 PM

That's why I don't go to bars, besides the fact that I can't stand the taste of beer or pretty much any other alcoholic beverage. If I were so inclined I can do any legal activity at home that I can do in a bar, without worrying about getting punched or worse.

BikerRN · January 3, 2009, 12:31 PM

I stopped going to bars a long time ago.

I'm not much of a drinker, and try to avoid trouble. Bars are a good place to find trouble.

While I try to avoid confrontations in bars, malls, and any other place that people congregate, there may come a time when avoidance is not an option for whatever reason. That is why I carry a firearm(s).

Biker

Mike in VA · January 3, 2009, 01:02 PM

It's called "stupid juice" for a reason.

New Years, like St. Paddy's Day, is amateur night - people who don't normally drink much over do it with undesireable, sometimes tragic results. Then there's the fundamentally poor judgement in subjecting oneself to the unpredictablilty of a room full inebriated strangers. Partying with friends may be a better choice, but even then, there are no guarantees. Remeber the last words of many a Darwin Awards candidate - "Hold my beer and watch this . . ."

Stay safe.

Recon7 · January 3, 2009, 01:05 PM

That's why I drink alone

MrNiceGuy · January 3, 2009, 04:42 PM

Quote:

you need a lot of reasons to ignore hot drunk girls IMO

i have allot of reasons, but i only need one... she's the only hot drunk girl i need... plus, i have a full access vip pass

Creature · January 3, 2009, 05:01 PM

I guess many people have a misconception about bars and pubs.

Bars aren't really for drinking to get drunk. Any bozo can buy a bottle of booze and stand at their own kitchen counter for that experience.

Bars and pubs are for socializing. Where adults can go and interact with their fellow man while enjoying the relaxing effects of alcohol on their otherwise inhibited personalities.

quinn2187 · January 3, 2009, 05:17 PM

i agree with creature. bars are a place to meet friends, share experiences, and make new friends. sure some drunk guy could just pick you at random and punch you, but more often than not you can see who is past his limit and looking for trouble, then you just avoid the dummie.

besafe2 · January 3, 2009, 06:22 PM

As others have said you should've left after the first problem. But none of this is worth fighting for. I've always been taught unless it's life or death walk away And if it is the other situation WIN.

I also do not go bars & as for new years eve the only place to be imo is home.

Mike in VA · January 3, 2009, 07:26 PM

I agree with Creature, et al, up to a point. I enjoy the comaraderie and good converstaion often found in a good bar or pub. It's unsual in Santa Fe that you won't end up chatting with whomever is sitting by you. A lot of folks like to have a drink or two to unwind, relax and decompress.

However, on New years, St Paddy's, (as I said, Amatuer Night(s)) and other holidays, in a lot of places there seems to be an emphasis on getting wrecked/wasted/blotto/whatever.

There's a big difference between 'relaxing' and getting your load on. As a responsible adult, you do have to get yourself home without causing harm to others, and knowing your limits is a big deal. The cost of a cab ride is a damn site cheaper that fighting a DWI in court, even if you win (I know this from 2nd hand experience, fortuneatly).

NM is #5 nationally in DWI's. Could be the fact that they sell booze at gas stations, but I also I think there's a cultural aspect (Hispanic/Indian?), too. Too many people drink to get drunk, that's what passes as a 'good time' on Friday/Saturday night. When I lived in NoVA, DWI was pretty much an after-dark thing. Here, they're in the ditch (or worse) at 7:30 am.

mskdgunman · January 3, 2009, 08:09 PM

While young and stupid, I was in any number of bar fights (can't remember what any of them were for though so none were apparently that important) but as I got older, I quickly realized that when the drunks get stupid, I leave. There is NOTHING in a bar (besides my life) worth me having to shoot/kill someone and I take my life and go elsewhere, everybody wins.If I stay and things go south, it's a no win situation however it turns out. I go out to drink/socialize and have a good time. When it stops being fun and I have to watch my back, I go someplace else. Cudos on the restraint but I probably would have left after the chick punched me in the face. That was the sign of things to come. It's a shame some folks don't know how to handle their booze

Mannlicher · January 4, 2009, 03:29 PM

you have given two more good reasons to stay the heck out of bars, particularly on New Year's Eve.

onthejon55 · January 4, 2009, 04:57 PM

These situations are the best reason to carry pepper spray along with your handgun! obviously your not going to shoot em and getting in a fist fight when you're packing is a bad idea, so why not get them back in a much easier and more painful manor?

quinn2187 · January 4, 2009, 05:13 PM

is it legal to carry a gun, concealed or not, in to a liquor establishment where you guys are from?

JohnH1963 · January 4, 2009, 05:57 PM

There is some good advice in this thread. For example, during New Years, it isnt the typical crowd of people. There are some people in there that dont go out or drink on a regular basis. So you have all these people drinking that cant handle it.

That is a good argument to stay away from bars around the holidays and other notable occasions. Just go on regular nights. Its also probably a good point in time when the police can do some increased patrols. They will probably catch all those drinkers driving.

January 2, 2009, 09:55 PM	#1
JohnH1963 Junior member Join Date: October 22, 2008 Posts: 416	Exercising a high level of restraint and knowing when to walk away My New Years was not so good. I was at a bar, like many people out there, and there was a high level of intoxication. First, a woman punched me with a closed fist for no obvious reason. Second, about an hour later, a man grabbed my arm with a strong grip and said some threatening words with a scowling face. Both times could probably be considered assault and battery and I could have done something. I sure was angry and had a few drinks myself, but I exercised a high level of restraint and walked backwards. Im still a little peeved how memories of New Years are colored by two jerkish characters in a bar, but Im proud that I decided to exercise restraint and retreated from each situation. If I reacted any other way, then who knows if I would have substained injuries or would have been put into jail myself. I really think that exercising restraint and retreating is the best answer to any self-defense situation. It may not be the brave thing to do, but it keeps you out of trouble.

January 2, 2009, 10:01 PM	#3
w_houle Senior Member Join Date: March 29, 2007 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 1,391	No, it keeps me out of bars! Glad to see you did well in the given situation. __________________ How could you have a slogan like "freedom is slavery" when the concept of freedom has been abolished?

January 2, 2009, 11:24 PM	#6
OldShooter Senior Member Join Date: March 28, 2006 Location: Maine Posts: 846	New Years I spent New Years Eve with my girlfriend and another couple at our home; very little drinking, no arguments, no fights. I cannot abide stupid drunks(they all are) and so I stay away from bars. John, you should admirable restraint, but I would have left after the first incident(if I were there at all). Happy New Year!

January 3, 2009, 12:00 PM	#12
Brian Pfleuger Moderator Emeritus Join Date: June 25, 2008 Location: Austin, CO Posts: 19,578	That's why I don't go to bars, besides the fact that I can't stand the taste of beer or pretty much any other alcoholic beverage. If I were so inclined I can do any legal activity at home that I can do in a bar, without worrying about getting punched or worse. __________________ Nobody plans to screw up their lives... ...they just don't plan not to. -Andy Stanley

January 3, 2009, 01:02 PM	#14
Mike in VA Senior Member Join Date: October 16, 1998 Location: Santa FE, NM Posts: 2,163	It's called "stupid juice" for a reason. New Years, like St. Paddy's Day, is amateur night - people who don't normally drink much over do it with undesireable, sometimes tragic results. Then there's the fundamentally poor judgement in subjecting oneself to the unpredictablilty of a room full inebriated strangers. Partying with friends may be a better choice, but even then, there are no guarantees. Remeber the last words of many a Darwin Awards candidate - "Hold my beer and watch this . . ." Stay safe. __________________ M2 The Second Amendment IS homeland defense!

January 2, 2009, 09:59 PM	#2
MrNiceGuy Junior member Join Date: August 16, 2008 Posts: 919	reason number #4,983,898,126 that i avoid bars

January 2, 2009, 11:32 PM	#8
KUHIO Senior Member Join Date: October 19, 2008 Location: North Carolina Posts: 250	I can't remember what happened New Year's Eve. But I woke at my In-Laws house, same place I started the night, and not in Jail-- Success!

January 2, 2009, 11:33 PM	#9
JohnH1963 Junior member Join Date: October 22, 2008 Posts: 416	You are right. There should have been no second and I should have left at the first. I actually have developed some common sense rules for going out in order to keep me out of trouble. First rule. Avoid staying out past midnight. People usually get more intoxicated as the night persists. The "good crowd" of people usually go home by midnight while the rest stay behind. By midnight, you are better off in your bed then out intoxicated. Second rule. When one bad thing happens, its time to go home. Bad things usually come in threes and the only way to prevent that is to go home on the first bad thing. This not only comes with bars, but life in general. If something really negative happens, its best not to persist, but to head back to home. There were a few other bad things that happened that night as well such as my jacket getting stolen. Third rule. 3 drink max. The maximum number of drinks is 3. Any more drinks then that while out usually leads to trouble for obvious reasons. I guess it depends upon your weight and known tolerance for liquor. I violated all of my rules for staying out of trouble.

January 3, 2009, 11:57 AM	#11
vox rationis Senior Member Join Date: April 15, 2007 Posts: 1,855	yep bars can be big trouble, and "hot" drunk girls are trouble, but if they're out of control heated, especially in a bar, then to me they go from "hot", to "skank"..sorry

January 3, 2009, 12:31 PM	#13
BikerRN Senior Member Join Date: February 11, 2007 Location: "State of Discombobulation" Posts: 1,333	I stopped going to bars a long time ago. I'm not much of a drinker, and try to avoid trouble. Bars are a good place to find trouble. While I try to avoid confrontations in bars, malls, and any other place that people congregate, there may come a time when avoidance is not an option for whatever reason. That is why I carry a firearm(s). Biker

January 3, 2009, 01:05 PM	#15
Recon7 Senior Member Join Date: December 10, 2005 Posts: 707	That's why I drink alone

January 3, 2009, 05:01 PM	#17
Creature Junior member Join Date: April 8, 2007 Location: Virginia Posts: 3,769	I guess many people have a misconception about bars and pubs. Bars aren't really for drinking to get drunk. Any bozo can buy a bottle of booze and stand at their own kitchen counter for that experience. Bars and pubs are for socializing. Where adults can go and interact with their fellow man while enjoying the relaxing effects of alcohol on their otherwise inhibited personalities.

January 3, 2009, 05:17 PM	#18
quinn2187 Senior Member Join Date: November 22, 2008 Location: ohio Posts: 110	i agree with creature. bars are a place to meet friends, share experiences, and make new friends. sure some drunk guy could just pick you at random and punch you, but more often than not you can see who is past his limit and looking for trouble, then you just avoid the dummie.

January 3, 2009, 06:22 PM	#19
besafe2 Senior Member Join Date: March 29, 2008 Location: NC Posts: 117	As others have said you should've left after the first problem. But none of this is worth fighting for. I've always been taught unless it's life or death walk away And if it is the other situation WIN. I also do not go bars & as for new years eve the only place to be imo is home. __________________ "Blessed be the Lord my strength,which teacheth my hands to war and my fingers to fight". Psalm 144:1 KJV Be safe: Paul

January 3, 2009, 07:26 PM	#20
Mike in VA Senior Member Join Date: October 16, 1998 Location: Santa FE, NM Posts: 2,163	I agree with Creature, et al, up to a point. I enjoy the comaraderie and good converstaion often found in a good bar or pub. It's unsual in Santa Fe that you won't end up chatting with whomever is sitting by you. A lot of folks like to have a drink or two to unwind, relax and decompress. However, on New years, St Paddy's, (as I said, Amatuer Night(s)) and other holidays, in a lot of places there seems to be an emphasis on getting wrecked/wasted/blotto/whatever. There's a big difference between 'relaxing' and getting your load on. As a responsible adult, you do have to get yourself home without causing harm to others, and knowing your limits is a big deal. The cost of a cab ride is a damn site cheaper that fighting a DWI in court, even if you win (I know this from 2nd hand experience, fortuneatly). NM is #5 nationally in DWI's. Could be the fact that they sell booze at gas stations, but I also I think there's a cultural aspect (Hispanic/Indian?), too. Too many people drink to get drunk, that's what passes as a 'good time' on Friday/Saturday night. When I lived in NoVA, DWI was pretty much an after-dark thing. Here, they're in the ditch (or worse) at 7:30 am. __________________ M2 The Second Amendment IS homeland defense!

January 3, 2009, 08:09 PM	#21
mskdgunman Senior Member Join Date: December 28, 2008 Posts: 127	While young and stupid, I was in any number of bar fights (can't remember what any of them were for though so none were apparently that important) but as I got older, I quickly realized that when the drunks get stupid, I leave. There is NOTHING in a bar (besides my life) worth me having to shoot/kill someone and I take my life and go elsewhere, everybody wins.If I stay and things go south, it's a no win situation however it turns out. I go out to drink/socialize and have a good time. When it stops being fun and I have to watch my back, I go someplace else. Cudos on the restraint but I probably would have left after the chick punched me in the face. That was the sign of things to come. It's a shame some folks don't know how to handle their booze

January 4, 2009, 03:29 PM	#22
Mannlicher Senior Member Join Date: July 8, 2001 Location: North Central Florida & Miami Posts: 3,209	you have given two more good reasons to stay the heck out of bars, particularly on New Year's Eve. __________________ Nemo Me Impune Lacesset "The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so.".........Ronald Reagan

January 4, 2009, 04:57 PM	#23
onthejon55 Junior member Join Date: October 23, 2008 Location: Evansville, IN Posts: 411	These situations are the best reason to carry pepper spray along with your handgun! obviously your not going to shoot em and getting in a fist fight when you're packing is a bad idea, so why not get them back in a much easier and more painful manor?

January 4, 2009, 05:13 PM	#24
quinn2187 Senior Member Join Date: November 22, 2008 Location: ohio Posts: 110	is it legal to carry a gun, concealed or not, in to a liquor establishment where you guys are from?

January 4, 2009, 05:57 PM	#25
JohnH1963 Junior member Join Date: October 22, 2008 Posts: 416	There is some good advice in this thread. For example, during New Years, it isnt the typical crowd of people. There are some people in there that dont go out or drink on a regular basis. So you have all these people drinking that cant handle it. That is a good argument to stay away from bars around the holidays and other notable occasions. Just go on regular nights. Its also probably a good point in time when the police can do some increased patrols. They will probably catch all those drinkers driving.