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Old December 9, 2012, 09:53 AM   #26
hogdogs
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Lookin' like the post has been a positive experience for you... Glad to see how warm you read it all..

And YES!!! Pax's "cornered cat" site is THEE sole link I provide when the subject comes up of women and guns, kids around guns...

I even "share" it on facebook a few times per year as well...

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Old December 9, 2012, 10:12 AM   #27
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Hat's off to pax.
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Old December 9, 2012, 12:09 PM   #28
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As others have said, keepin' secrets from your wife never becomes a good thing unless it is a present for her. My wife, altho she grew up around guns and married me knowing well I was a gun enthusiast was uncomfortable at first with the loaded 1911 in the nightstand. She soon became familiar with it and realized it would not go off by itself. Now when something goes bump in the night or the dog barks suspiciously at something, she tells me to grab it and go downstairs and check. When CCW became legal in Wisconsin and I started to carry the J-Frame, she also was uncomfortable and asked, Do you really need to take that everywhere we go?". Wasn't but a few months and she began to not even notice whether I had it on me or not. When we go out to eat with friends and I drink pop instead of a mixed drink, when friends ask why, she is the one that tells them, "he's doin' it for your protection....." and says no more. Some know what's she's talkin' about, most don't.

You need to impress upon your wife that it is not just something you do for you. You need to show her how safe CCWing really is. You need to show her examples out in public where having a weapon on you is a good thing and being alone and unarmed is not. Do that well and correctly and odds are she will come around.
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Old December 9, 2012, 04:08 PM   #29
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If an attacker had the ability to overpower you and take your gun, he probably had the ability to kill you anyway.

In any case, training gives you another the best chance possible to deal with the situation.

I've been through the situation. For me it just took time. In the meantime, I got my permit, started carrying, took whatever training I could afford. In my situation, the wife was more worried about me thwarting an attack and being put in jail for it. My response was, "So you'd rather I was killed than in jail?" She's still not crazy about it.
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Old December 9, 2012, 04:21 PM   #30
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While I am not married nor will I be in the next 5 years most likely, I do have to say that my enthusiasm for weapons and my AR has made quite a few women uncomfortable. I enjoyed reading through this (althought I cant ever carry in cali) to gain perspective on how to future deal with a girl I am with and feels this way.
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Old December 9, 2012, 05:26 PM   #31
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Every creature is willing to defend itself. Survival and reproduction are the most basic of instincts.
God did not see fit to equip us with razor sharp claws or teeth, a tough fur covered hide, brute strength, deadly toxins or lightning speed. No, he equipped us with superior intellegence, allowing us to fashion the tools needed to survive, such as clothing, tools, shelter and weapons.
You simply wish to fulfill what your basic insticts are demanding you do. Self defense being one of the strongest.
To do otherwise would be contrary to human nature and a person who denies thier nature is an unhappy person, and in the case of attack, possibly a dead person.
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Old December 9, 2012, 09:00 PM   #32
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Quote:
In my situation, the wife was more worried about me thwarting an attack and being put in jail for it. My response was, "So you'd rather I was killed than in jail?" She's still not crazy about it.
Wayne ~ join the ACLDN. Let her know you've joined an organization that's specifically designed to help you avoid jail to begin with.

Btw, to answer a common question, ACLDN is not insurance. Insurance pays out after you are acquitted, if you are -- which means your insurance company really doesn't have any reason to help you avoid being charged or convicted. ACLDN is different. It provides legal education up front to help you defend yourself within the bounds of the law. If you do defend yourself using a firearm, ACLDN pays a chunk of money to your lawyer at the first sign of legal trouble. They come alongside immediately to help you avoid being charged in the first place, and provide expertise throughout the entire cycle of events so you can step off the danger train as soon as possible.

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Old December 9, 2012, 09:45 PM   #33
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You've been married for 40 years, you know this isn't going to end well IF you lie to her!!
Play to your "fraility" in taking on the 20 year old armed BG.
Get her to shoot a .22 LR pistol, just once. Then work from there.
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Old December 9, 2012, 10:10 PM   #34
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The wife was not happy either, but I explained why I was doing it. It was to protect myself and my children. I offered her numerous examples of local stories where things could have ended differently if the victim was armed.

Not a happy woman for a while but hey if she opposed it that much she could opt out. I am opting in. The real world has convinced her I am doing the right thing. Then a meth head with a knife robbed an old lady at the local grocery a mile from the house that we frequent. It was a turning point. It was real to her.

She knows I carry and has asked on occasion if I was packing as she calls it. Perhaps she was nervous about something she saw. I don't advertise it to her or anyone else. I am the only one that needs to know. I just do it. She is fine with that.
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Old December 10, 2012, 12:36 AM   #35
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Wayne ~ join the ACLDN. Let her know you've joined an organization that's specifically designed to help you avoid jail to begin with.
Interesting. I have legal insurance, too, but I'll check this out.
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Old December 10, 2012, 06:09 AM   #36
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My wife wanted me to carry, but she didn't care to (despite he being very comfortable with firearms of all types, and a pretty darn good rifle shot). Then a LEO friend of mine talked to her about her need to be able to defend herself because she can't carry a cop in her pocket, and harm could be but seconds away when the cops are 60 seconds away, much less 6 minutes.........
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Old December 10, 2012, 09:31 AM   #37
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Tell her this: Older people are natural targets for bad guys. When you are in your 20's, 30's and 40's you can react and move quickly, and look like you can fight off (or at least cause trouble for) your average thug. As you get older the "BEAT & CARJACK ME" sign on your back gets bigger and bolder every year. Where you might be able to avoid wearing a 10 karat diamond on your finger, you can't avoid getting older and (perceptibly) weaker. If you are going to protect yourself in your older years, you will need a firearm and you will need to learn to be proficient with it while you are younger and capable of getting the proper training.

When an older person gets to the point in their lives where they need to use a cane, wheel chair or other device to assist them to get around, nobody questions that. Well, a firearm is just such a device - you can choose to be a victim or choose to learn a "new" way of providing for your own protection.
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Old December 10, 2012, 01:45 PM   #38
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Issue Resolved--Sort of

Asked my wife to read the entire thread, then left the house on errands. (More chance of stuff sinking in if I'm not looking over her shoulder.)

Detected a subtle change in attitude when we discussed the matter on my return. There is no doubt she was affected by what you all said. So much common sense here. I think pax's comment impressed her the most.

She still believes what she believed, that carrying makes you less safe. (I don't think she's quite as certain as before she read the thread, however.) But I came up with a solution inspired by some comments here about the right to self-protect. It's a compromise that is far from perfect but one she can live with. I will buy the lcr but will not carry when we are out together.

I can almost hear some of you saying, "That's crazy, man! You buy the gun you carry it all the time." Well, yes. But one thing at a time. Own it and then by and by I will see if I can get her to come around.
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Old December 10, 2012, 02:49 PM   #39
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Quote:
I will buy the lcr but will not carry when we are out together.

I can almost hear some of you saying, "That's crazy, man!
That was my first thought, actually.

But, hey, baby steps, seems like you made good headway for one day.

Good luck to you both
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Old December 10, 2012, 10:50 PM   #40
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Quote:
I can almost hear some of you saying, "That's crazy, man! You buy the gun you carry it all the time." Well, yes. But one thing at a time. Own it and then by and by I will see if I can get her to come around.
Yup, one step at a time. . .
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Old December 11, 2012, 10:05 AM   #41
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Welcome to The Firing Line, quiller333!

Quote:
Originally Posted by quiller333
. . . . I came up with a solution inspired by some comments here about the right to self-protect. It's a compromise that is far from perfect but one she can live with. I will buy the lcr but will not carry when we are out together.

I can almost hear some of you saying, "That's crazy, man! You buy the gun you carry it all the time." Well, yes. But one thing at a time. Own it and then by and by I will see if I can get her to come around.
Yes, you're going go find a few around here that will tell you that it's crazy to do anything other than carry 24/7. In fact, you'll find some who will tell you that it's crazy to carry anything less than a .45, three extra mags, a snubnose .357, a folding knife, a couple of speedloaders and a rape whistle, all 24/7 . . . That's not always practical, though, is it?

I'm not going to tell you that it's crazy. It's not. You're the one that goes home with your wife, so it's your compromise to make. With that said, I didn't meet any serious resistance from my wife when I told her that I wanted to start carrying. She did have some reservations, though, and might have been happier with me if we could have reached a similar compromise to the one that you mentioned. To my mind, though, if bad guys are going to catch me without my pistol, I'd far rather be caught alone than with my wife and daughter. Protecting myself is important. Protecting them is critical.

Just some food for thought. Good luck to the both of you.
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Old December 11, 2012, 10:29 AM   #42
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Quote:
I can almost hear some of you saying, "That's crazy, man! You buy the gun you carry it all the time." Well, yes. But one thing at a time. Own it and then by and by I will see if I can get her to come around.
Although I wouldn't be caught not carrying anywhere it is legal for me to do so, I wouldn't call you crazy. You're doing what you have to do to keep the wife happy. Chances are, she'll come around. You will find yourself (both of you together) in a bad area and she'll come out of that situation thinking about what could have happened. If my wife had been against me carrying, I'd likely be in the same situation as you, and actually was for a couple years. She finally came around after realizing the world isn't as safe as people want to make it out to be and that being able to defend yourself is a God given right. It didn't hurt that a friend of hers took her to an NRA Women on Target introduction to handguns class...and she had a blast.

Speaking of which, look for women's only classes and see if she'd be willing to go. It'd help if you could get one or more of her friends on board. If not, don't push her, but keep it on her mind. Bring up the subject every once in a while (I'm talking once a month tops).
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Old December 11, 2012, 05:03 PM   #43
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Ain't too late to get another wife.

Seriously though, my wife of 45 years has never fired a gun, doesn't like guns, and is not thrilled when I carry one. However, I told her from the getgo that I liked firearms and would be acquiring a few in the future.

75+ guns later she hasn't budged but doesn't give me any flack. Of course the custom jewelry bauble I buy for her each time I get a new gun might have something to do with the peace.
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Old December 11, 2012, 11:28 PM   #44
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Ha, I like that last comment - but not serious.

My wife hates guns and has gone the other way in recent years. She was ok with trap shooting and other things on the range when we were younger, but is strong in her tracks for not having a gun in the house for protection.

You can bend stats, so hers is the simple one that houses with guns are more likely to have accidents with guns. Which is like saying households that own cars are more likely to have car accidents. But we still have cars.

Anyway, no logic etc. will work on her, so when I bought a gun to keep in the house and she found out about it (they always do) she freaked and wanted it out.

We later compromised and I have my gun safe in our summer house with everything up there and then I take a few for the home when we are in chicago in a locked gun/carry case. Out of site, out of mind.

So not the best situation, but I am not really in the market for a new wife! Ha. At least you had yours read these posts!
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Old December 12, 2012, 08:23 AM   #45
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You are an adult capable of making your own decisions. You don't forfeit that capability when you get married or otherwise tangled up.
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Old December 12, 2012, 09:53 AM   #46
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Grandma and grandpa were divorced when he was eighty. So forty years doesn't mean she'll definitely stick around. She can change your life as much or more than a SD shooting, without leaving the comfort of your home. Then there is the domestic violence thing,surprisingly easy to invoke, a very real threat, which will answer the gun ownership question once and for all. When you do risk assessment, put it all on the table. You could lose your home and loved one(s) with no shots fired.
Perhaps the thought of harm to another to save them is not worth it to them.
The obvious problem with that viewpoint is you're at risk as well. Then it comes back to you. Choose wisely.
What would I do? I'd carry discretely for myself, and if necessary promise to only defend myself, but cross my fingers, cause I never was much good at lying. I found early on, if you don't show people, they don't know you carry.
The business man next door asked me if I carried. He was surprised when I snaked my BG38 out. He carries a Diamondback. Who knew?
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Old December 12, 2012, 10:08 AM   #47
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My wife, of 34 years, is OK with guns, shoots on a rare occassion and knows I have a CCW permit and do carry frequently. About a year ago, we were in a parking lot of a mall about 9:00pm walking to the car when we were approached, and passed by, a couple of fellows who appeared "threatening in appearance".

No problem with those fellows, but as soon as we were out of ear shot she asked me if I was carrying and was definitly relieved when I told her yes and the hand in my pocket was not to just to locate my car keys.

Since your wife mentioned you are more likely to be harmed by owning or carrying a gun than by a home invasion, ask if she would leave the front door unlocked just to be safer.
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Old December 12, 2012, 11:42 AM   #48
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My wife was on the fence at first; was not totally against it, never tried to block me from CC, but did not undertand why at all. She took it as "alarmist."

I sat her down, took her through several scenarios, then to the range. She got it; and actually supports me in it. She proudly puts the pics of herself with her freshly shot up range targets on Facebook.
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Old December 13, 2012, 05:31 AM   #49
quiller333
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Finally. . . .

Appears the thread is winding down, so I'll take this opportunity to make a few last observations.

I thought, foolishly, that I was the only one who had the spousal objection dilemma. I know better now, and when you think about it, it makes sense: there are plenty of smart people out there who recoil instinctively at the thought of someone near and dear carrying. Doesn't make them ignorant leftist tools; it's a gut reaction that, sometimes, can't be countered even with powerful arguments.

I've learned, too, that when you run into situations where a resolution seems impossible and the choices range from bad to worse, it pays to seek perspective from people you don't know who are knowledgeable about the issue.

Lastly, the quality of your comments motivated me to show my wife the whole thread, and that made a difference in the end.

So, thank you all.
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Old December 13, 2012, 05:34 AM   #50
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Best wishes to both of you as you go forward. I'm glad to hear that you resolved this issue so easily, some couples wouldn't.
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