What Is A Mall Ninja ???

[John Ringo]

What in the hell is a Mall Ninja???

Can someone break this down for me?

JR

[20cows]

This question got some real strange responses oin another forum (THR).

[PinnedAndRecessed]

If you read the original mall ninja threads you'll see it was (had to be) someone who knew a great deal about firearms but was poking fun at all the
prepubescent so-called wannabe gun experts lurking on gun forums.

These "experts" know everything about nothing and obviously glean their knowledge from Sesame Street. The "mall ninja" was making fun of them.
That was my impression, anyway.

Anyway, when I read the threads I laughed till I cried.

[USP45usp]

Basically, it's a "wanna-be" tactical bad "butt" that buys everything "tactical", ductapes steel plates to their backs (for the .308 rounds you know while covering your partner) and climbs mall walls to get to the bad guy.

If you haven't already, read the original. The post is in General (the original is linked in this post for the original) .

Start here: http://thefiringline.com/forums/showthread.php?t=169253

Or just goto the original: http://www.geocities.com/suketh.geo/gun/mall_ninja.html

Wayne

[ADBF]

I always thought a "mall Ninja" was one of those guys who got his martial arts training at the Mall. And thought he was a real bad a** for it.

[John Ringo]

Okay...let me get this straight....the "Mall Ninja" is that 20-ish/30-ish guy who lurks around wearing camo, jungle boots, and other tactical gear who givs the appearance that he is ready to go into battle at any minute with imaginary terrorists & bad guys. He's an expert in martial arts and 50 different ways to kill a man with a single blow, right?

He's an infantry expert without every having been in the military.....

JC

[9mm1033]

I'm glad this question was posted. I hear about "mall ninja's" myself, but could only guess. I was close...someone who wears all the black/camo gear who hasn't spent a day in the military. Someone who wants the average person to think he was a Navy SEAL/Police SWAT officer and carries a knife in his boot and a handgun in every pocket. Is that pretty close?

[ADBF]

Just read the original "mall ninja" posts on Glocktalk. I get it now...

[IZinterrogator]

A mall ninja is someone who has to have all the latest and greatest tactical gear. If the SEALs or Delta Force use it, he must have it. He is in Condition Red at all times, including while sleeping, if he sleeps. He has so much Class IV body armor that he makes the Hollywood bank robbers look like they were wearing skimpy lingerie in comparison. He will not buy a pistol unless it has a rail, night sights, a laser, and a tactical white light. The minimum caliber he will use in a bolt-action rifle is .338 Lapua and the rifle must shoot sub-1/2 MOA out to 1500 meters. Any semiautomatic rifle he uses must have a rail adapter system and he leaves no inch of Picatinny rail unused. He only wears BDUs or 5.11 clothing. He carries duct tape and 550 cord at all times. He hasn't worn regular shoes in years, just tactical or combat boots. Dressing casual always involves a photographer's vest. He carries at least two BUGs on each ankle. He feels naked without some sort of thigh rig on. Blackhawk, Eagle, Surefire, and Safariland all send him their latest products and just deduct the cost out of his bank account "to cut down on red tape". He has special shoes that allow him to walk up walls. He is a black belt in at least three forms of martial arts. He sets off CS grenades in his house to "acclimate himself to the effects". He considers pepper spray a condiment. He has replaced all glass in his house with bulletproof Lexan. He only drinks out of a Camelback. He thinks that hand grenades are a perfectly acceptable self-defense weapon. He has a knife in every pocket and four on his belt. His car has been up-armored. He fires a minimum of 400 rounds a day to "stay in practice". Speed-dial #1 on his phone is Brigade Quartermasters. He sleeps with eye and ear protection on. He complains that Gunsite, Thunder Ranch, Valhalla, and all the other training institutes are teaching outdated material, even though he has never been to any one of them. He has subscriptions to every gun magazine available, but complains that their gun tests aren't tough enough since they don't measure accuracy while shooting from a moving helicopter. He believes that the true measure of a man is how much Cordura nylon he owns. He uses a Pelican case for an overnight bag. He often attempts to CCW a shotgun, claiming that it is perfectly normal to do so because the shotgun has a pistol grip. The Matrix is his favorite movie. He has a trauma plate surgically implanted in his skull. He complains about the lack of transferable M203 40mm grenade launchers. He doesn't want to join the military because they won't accept him into SOCOM based on only an interview. He thinks that SWAT teams should play a backup role to him when the SHTF. He carries a ghillie suit in the trunk of his car at all times. He only works jobs that have a badge.

He also wonders why everyone is always making fun of him. Probably because he is only a mall security guard and he looks pretty stupid wearing all that stuff to work.

[Trip20]

I....., am a Mall Ninja.

[John Ringo]

OMG !!!!

You guys crack me up....I get it :-)

[utaherrn]

ROTFLMAO.

This is one paranoid schizo dude. If he ever gets locked up, I want his ammo stash. 400rds a day for me

[Wildalaska]

Spiff knows

WildninjafacilitatorAlaska

[spacemanspiff]

no no no no no....

I am a mall ninja!


i'm tellin' ya'll, i'm so tactical it hurts.

[jonathon]

I just read that and laughed my ass off.. Good times

[Hans]

I have to quit reading this...my wife just yelled at me for waking up the kids because I was laughing so hard. We need more posts like this.

[jonathon]

Apparently Gecko has been seen in real life!

http://www.mallninja.com/agents.htm

[IZinterrogator]

Hey Spiff, I don't see no light or laser on that thing. I hope that has been corrected by now.

[novus collectus]

Hey spacemanspiff, is that a couple of pounds of C-4 I see on the shelf in the background? Never know when its needed to fight off a home intruder. Good idea.

[spacemanspiff]

dont need it during summers up here. sun is out 20+ hours a day. but i do tape a laser pointer to the handguards when i overcook my dinner and my home is full of smoke.

i may or may not intentionally overcook my dinners for that purpose.

[Jack Malloy]

I always thought it was the modern version of the Mail Order Ninja, the types who buy belt buckle knives and other kung fu junk via the Krud K catalogues and such, only they buy it at martial arts stores in malls now.
The term first started floating around years ago on cutlery and martial arts forums.
The desciption you guys are giving is a Chairborn Ranger. The type that is a walking talking death machine, more dangerous than any man on the planet, but who tends to have some career occupation/background OUTSIDE of the military, law enforcement or executive protection. Often they are accountants with plenty of money to spend on "tactical accessories" and generally wont buy a gun unless it has a polymer frame.

[Wildalaska]

Thats my freakin office Spiffs in...stands there like real quiet, then quick shoulder weapon, yell Tang tango then make machine gun noices that I can only describe as sounding like the flatulance from a bear that hanst eaten anyhting but chili washed down with warm Bud for a year and a half, then he puts down the gun and stands there real quiet, repeat shoulder and tango yells and dribbly machine gun noises...

its unnerving having him do that for an hour while your trying to work

Wildanditaintc4itsprobablyabrenreceiverAlaska

[1BadF350]

Hey spiff, are those shades the new "Oakley Tacticals" with built in night vision? Way cool!

[willsjeep]

That was a hoot! A good way to wind down after a 113 hour night shift. Should sleep well now!
"Maybe Mall Ninja will watch over me while I sleep?"

Oops make that a 13 (thirteen hour shift). I Needed to go to bed when I did that!

[IZinterrogator]

Jack, my understanding was always that a chairborne ranger was in the military, but was like a personnel clerk or something of that nature that matched the above description. Some people have accused me of chairborne rangerhood at one time or another, but I have jump wings already, so I don't need the chairborne wings.