Heads Butting

[Hook686]

Honoring ones boundries and deceit are definity two different things. Pocket carrying and just not telling her when she has stated you cannot ride in her car when armed strikes me as deceit. She has set her boundry, no guns in her car. If you want to carry, your boundry, then drive your car and meet her there, or you can drive, but it is your choice.

[Skans]

A couple of observations about the OP. Your wife's logic is ill founded from the very start. Why would a registered sex offender be interested in messing with the OP? In all likelihood, no sex offender is going to ever try to rape or molest another man (outside of prison). So, concealed carry isn't going to help you there. And since your wife has made up her mind not to carry, regardless, it's not going to help her either.

But, there are plenty of legitimate reasons for carrying a gun. So, second, don't tell your wife when you are carrying. There are plenty of small 9mm's and .380's that can be carried easily without anyone, even your wife, knowing. 5 years from now, when you get careless and she discovers that you are carrying a gun, you can tell her (truthfully) that you've been carrying for the past 5 years and she never once knew or complained.

In my opinion, there are things a man (or woman) can do without having to consult or even inform your spouse. Carrying a gun is one of them.

[Don P]

She thinks that since their aren't any registered sex offenders in our close vicinity I shouldn't carry often.

My question, are sex offenders the only folks that will try to do bad things to good people?????
That statement baffles me

[JimPage]

I have the opposite problem. When I take my wife out to a good restaurant, I like to have a cocktail so I don't carry. I strictly observe the separation of guns and alcohol.

Sometimes when someone enters the restaurant who looks shabby or otherwise less than an upstanding citizen, she asks me if I have my gun and gets nervous if I don't. She has a license but doesn't carry -- that's another story.

[jimbob86]

It's called concealed for a reason. If its hidden well than she should not know that your carrying....

Um ....... errrr ..... so ....... what you are sayin' is ......a spouse has no business in or interest in knowing what's in their better half's trousers?

Apparently, some folks have vastly different boundaries than other folks........ different strokes for different folks, I guess.

It's a marriage. You guys are supposed to be a team. Keeping secrets is not an example of being a team player.......

My wife does not believe she could shoot another person to save herself or others ..... I believe I could, and carrying a gun seems to be a wise thing in this day and age...... so that makes security one of the things on my task list.

[farmerboy]

When she notices something different just tell her you're excited today :-). You and your partner are a team and it's man part to protect your wife. Do anything and everything he can to accomplish that. Now if a wife goes out and gets herself in a jam and has nothing or can't help herself then she'll have to take whatever comes her way but when my wife and myself are together it's my job to defend her even if I have to give my life for her. (that's how I feel) and No one will tell me to carry or not to. I repeat No one. I've been carrying since high school when you weren't suppose to. Dating and marriage and up till I take my last breath hopefully. Been married to same wife for 24 years and am 44 yrs old. It's the way it's gonna be, she knows and after the compromiseing is done they feel alot safer in the end. Don't just carry to carry and have no business doing so. Train, train and more train. Take classes do anything and everything to be pproficent not be a risk to yourself,her and others.

[Spats McGee]

1hogfan83,
I graduated from Fayetteville in the mid-90s, and have been there on a number of occasions since then. I say that simply to point out that I have some familiarity with Fayetteville, the surrounding area, etc. In all fairness, though, I did not realize that it was 70K+ people. Fayetteville has many fine qualities, but . . . like any college town, there is a transient population of young, alcohol- or drug-imbibing folks, and there's a new crop of them every fall. The overwhelming majority of them are harmless, I'm sure. A few of them are not, however. What's more, they provide a market for certain illegal items and activities and the providers of those items and activities may not be transient.

I'll also say that pax's site (the cornered cat) is a really good resource. However, once you've read it, I think the key will be getting your wife to read it. There's an awful lot of good information on their about dealing with the issue of guns and kids.

Maybe I missed it, but exactly what is her objection? Simply that you don't need to carry? I sincerely hope she's right. I hope you never, ever need to draw your gun in SD. Not to beat a cliche to death, but bad guys don't make appointments.

Registered sex offenders are a problem, but IMO, the real problem is the unregistered ones. The ones who have either moved from their old address and not registered, or simply never been caught. There are also a great many criminal activities that do not require that one's name be put on a registry. After all, when was the last time you heard about someone being put on a registry for first-degree battery, or armed robbery?

Good luck.

[1hogfan83]

I'll try to remember some of our last discussions on cc.

Carrying a gun is like driving a huge truck, making up for something peoples are short of in other departments, she states I don't need one on that premise.

she's a teacher and it won't look good to be seen with a person who carries, don't comment, I tried and tried to explain the concept of CONCEALED carry.

We have a child, im scared for her life. She's two! She won't know.

My personal favorite, im a teacher, I don't people knowing about all of these guns. I'm the one filling out all the back ground checks! You don't own a single gun!

and too many others to explain or remember.

[scottycoyote]

so you can protect yourself when you are alone, but she wants you vulnerable when shes with you?

how about you compromise, tell her you are going to carry whether you are with her or alone, but if someone attacks the two of you, you promise to only protect yourself.

[myshoulderissore]

Oh, man, I've got a friend who's wife thinks people who carry are just "supplementing" what they lack... I'm sorry to say this, but that statement is just pure ignorance! I like to point out that *women aren't as smart as men* to her, my way of countering that ignorance. Not the wisest choice, but i hate killing with kindness, I am human, I respond in kind...


*I say that not because it is true, or that I believe it, but to really focus on the ignorance that people can cling to... Please don't hate me, it could be replaced by any number of ignorant statements!


Also, I am lucky, I got my CCP, and my wife started complaining about guns being ugly, showed her what can be done with Cerakote etc, now she is stoked to get her own gun and carry permit!

[pax]

From what you write, it sounds as if maybe she is mostly concerned about the social implications if her friends -- particularly her work friends -- find out that you carry. She's apparently very susceptible to peer pressure.

For that reason, your best long term solution is for you to make friends with couples you meet at the range, or to find women among your existing friends who "allow" their husbands to carry. Better still if some of those people are also teachers.

pax

[farmerboy]

Some people are just plain ignorant the way I see it. I don't care if they're school teachers, astronaughts, firemen are what. Who knows, alot of people probably think I'm ignorant. I believe what I believe and do what I'm gonna do and don't worry about it.

[shortwave]

Registered sex offenders are a problem, but IMO, the real problem is the unregistered ones.

...

...and the sad reality is there's a new crop coming on all the time. New sex offenders being born, sex offenders crossing into our boarders from other countries,etc.

Too, sex offenders are just one small reason to cc.

Unless we live(and never leave) in a guarded compound filled with sentry dogs and armed guards, there just isn't any guarantee we will not meet up with some scumbag out on the street or come calling to our homes that doesn't have any value of life and will look at us as no more then an opportunity.
That scumbag may be a molester, a crackhead, potential wanna-be gang banger getting his/her gang initiation or maybe someone who's just flipped out.

Who knows?

One thing for sure, where you live doesn't make you immune from crime and seems as though many people feel that their upscale neighborhood or their country setting somehow insures their safety. Bad mistake!
These are the kinds of people criminals look for.

[rocky.223]

I find today's views of marriage disturbing. Marriage is a consenting union between two adults, not a subjugation of one or the other. When I decided to get my ccw I asked her thoughts and concerns and learned her boundaries. I most certainly did not ask permission nor should I. Neither she nor I need permission from one another to do anything. As we have a good understanding of each other we consult each other and make better decisions based on those discussions. Pax, I believe, has the right idea. A mature open discourse on the subject is the only viable way to resolve the issue. Deceit in any way shape or form is the sure path to long term conflicts.

[Spats McGee]

Originally Posted by 1hogfan83

I'll try to remember some of our last discussions on cc. . . .

Fair enough. As an OMG (Old Married Guy) with 17 years of marriage under my belt, I'm going to play "What would Spats say?" (Most of this is tongue-in-cheek, and shamelessly stolen from other posters, though.)

Originally Posted by 1hogfan83

Carrying a gun is like driving a huge truck, making up for something peoples are short of in other departments, she states I don't need one on that premise.

Yes, I am "making up for some shortcomings." Here is a list of the shortcomings for which I am compensating:
1) I'm compensating for the fact that I'm no match for a couple of jacked-up methheads who want to do us harm.
2) I'm compensating for the fact that I've never been trained as a black belt in any of the martial arts.
3) I'm compensating for the fact that jacked-up methheads who want to do us harm often try to do so with weapons of their own.
4) I'm compensating for the fact that I cannot throw a bullet fast enough to stop an attacker.

Yes, big trucks and guns can both do a body a lot of harm. Both are also susceptible to safe handling, though.

Originally Posted by 1hogfan83

she's a teacher and it won't look good to be seen with a person who carries, don't comment, I tried and tried to explain the concept of CONCEALED carry.

Concealed means concealed. I'm not going to tell your friends. Are you?

Originally Posted by 1hogfan83

We have a child, im scared for her life. She's two! She won't know.

Yes, we have a child. I'm scared for her life, too. Her life and your life are important enough for me to want to protect them, by any means available to me under the law.

Originally Posted by 1hogfan83

My personal favorite, im a teacher, I don't people knowing about all of these guns. I'm the one filling out all the back ground checks! You don't own a single gun! . . . .

See concealed means concealed.

[Skans]

I think Pax nailed it - its a peer issue with her. She is probably subjected to "anti-gun" noise from her friends, might even join in a bit. From her perspective, how would it look if they found out her husband not only has guns, but carries a gun with a small child in the house!!

If you haven't been married long, these kinds of things (assuming you have a strong marriage) tend to iron themselves out over time. My wife was a little that way too - still is. She doesn't want other parents knowing anything about her husband's guns. And, actually, this is a good policy for many reasons. Over time, however, she's discovered that most of our kids' parents are gun owners, hunters, etc. As long as I keep most of my guns locked up, or concealed from ordinary view (including around the house), she doesn't have any problem. We're happily married, we do lots of things together, but we also respect each other's autonomy when it comes to things like "concealed carry" or things that are specific to her hobby.

[Marquezj16]

You have yourself a huge problem. You married the wrong woman. Ok, all kidding aside. I'd listen to Pax. She seems to know more than most of us here.

Just a note, if you truly love her, no gun should stand in the way of your marriage.

I'm lucky, my wife loves guns and carries. Good luck bud.

[1hogfan83]

If you knew my wife you would clearly see its not peer pressure. Several of the teachers in her school have cc or have talked about taking it. I just don't know, I think they just make her uncomfortable. She is afraid that the mere mention of the word "gun" will ruin her teaching future. It isn't anything to do with her coworkers, she doesn't want a permit or purchase showing up on her yearly background check/fingerprint the state requires. Nothing I can say or do will change her mind.

[Dragline45]

Honestly I would just continue to carry and tell her to get over it, your needs and wants should be just as important as her's. Neither of you should be forbidding the other from things they firmly believe in or enjoy, as long as those things aren't hurting the other. If you told her she cant wear makeup or nice things when shes not out with you because there's no reason to look good for anyone else I'm sure she wouldn't be too pleased.

[aarondhgraham]

If you told her she cant wear makeup or nice things when shes not out with you because there's no reason to look good for anyone else I'm sure she wouldn't be too pleased.

You just caused a coffee all over my monitor moment!

Aarond

.

[farmerboy]

I think I'd have to let her go and maybe she'll marry another teacher and live happily ever after. No really all kidding aside. Not saying you but some people just need to Nut up.

[jproaster]

I'm curious about how she understands you and guns in general.

Does she think that you are obsessed with them? I've been obsessed with things in the past; the wife takes an instant dislike to what ever that thing is.

Do you have an attitude about guns that she dislikes?

Do your discussions leave her frustrated?


I ask these few, basic questions to cause you to consider if there is a prior disconnect between you and your best friend that needs addressed before you resolve the CC issue.

Maybe she doesnt really understand your fuller role as protector or maybe sh thinks you act like Rambo. I dunno. But many times it's about the perception rather than the substance.

I remember when my family were visiting a national cemetary and guns were not permitted; she was slightly shocked o realizing I was pocket carrying. Over time I showed her that I took gun safety and training very seriously.

I wish you wisdom. List her concerns and ponder replies to put her concerns to rest. Because in the end she needs to know that you are going to CC.

[HeadHunter]

When you're with family members is the most important time to carry. When you're alone, you have options that you don't have when you are with family members. This situation didn't turn out too badly because the husband was armed.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7872125...7630620440314/

The case of Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom turned out very badly but might have been much different had at least one been armed.

[357autoloader]

No advice here, just hope that you can work things out. I fear that this marriage may not end well. Not just because of this issue but things like this are often harbingers of future issues.

My ex-wife once called and told me "If you don't quit drinking, I'm leaving and I want an answer when you get home."

I walked in, set a twelve pack on the counter and said "I'm gonna miss you."

The fact that she was basically cuckoo contributed heavily.



I have now been very happily remarried for 16 years to the true love of my life. We get stronger together all the time because we figured it out. (I still enjoy my beer) and when I get dressed in the morning my gun goes on my hip and is always within arms reach. I don't go to stupid places, don't hang out with stupid people, don't do stupid things and avoid being out at stupid times.

However, if we did decide to go to a midnight showing of some new blockbuster movie, because you should be able to do that if you so desire,
I would be prepared to defend her. Regardless of what the sign says. I would hope that you could also.

[1hogfan83]

Thank yall for all of the advice. I guess I'll just have to stick the 642 in my pocket and let her think im happy to see her for now.