Stupidest Thing You Ever Heard While Hunting?

[kickshot85]

I spent the better part of yesterday evening shooting the breeze with a couple of my friends who are all avid hunters like myself and the discussion eventually found its way to the stupidest things we've either said while hunting or things we heard others say. Thankfully, I can't recall ever having said anything completely moronic but I have heard others.

1. A friend of my hunting buddy (whom I had never met before and hope to never shoot with again) said, after having missed every duck he shot at in the first six groups, "Damn, I don't know why their getting away, 00 buckshot should kill a duck, right?" And yes, he was shooting duck with 00 buckshot (lead).

2. Same guy, same day. After giving him a little education on waterfowl hunting and illegal practices he said, "But a game warden can't touch me here, it's private land!"

3. I was standing in line the second weekend of big duck, waiting to get my duck stamp. It was 5:30 in the morning and I was talking to some hunters behind me:

Hunter 1: Yeah, we shot our limit three mornings in a row last week.
Hunter 2: Us too, mostly teal.
Checkout woman: What can I get you today?
Hunters 1 & 2: I need a Federal Duck Stamp.

These are purely idiotic but I'd love to hear some funny ones if ya'll got them.

[mikejonestkd]

>>>who are all avid hunters like myself<<<<

What is an AVID? do you need a special lisence to hunt them? You mention alot of duck hunting....are Avids related to ducks?

Anyone know what would be the best firearm to hunt avids with? Where do they live?

Any help on this would be appreciated...


Come to think of it I have a friend that claims to be an avid fisherman, so Avids must live in or near the water, right?

[fisherman66]

Walmart sighted it in fer me.

[Fremmer]

+1 on that.

"It's bore-sighted, and that'll be close enough."

[Desertfox]

I talked to a guy age of 30 who said he had killed over ten thousand ferrel hogs in his life.
Do the math. 10,000 divided by 365 = 27.397 or 1 hog every day of the year for 27 years and 4 months. No holidays off.

He also shot Trophy elk, moose, whitetail, javelina, turkey(all 5) and exotics.

I have been to his house numerous times and have seen no antlers, horns, beards, pictures or pelts.

Another guy yearly states that deer cannot smell his cigars or don't care if they do. No trophy deer yet.

[mtnbkr]

Another guy yearly states that deer cannot smell his cigars or don't care if they do. No trophy deer yet.

Actually, I know several guys who routinely get deer on public land even though they smoke at their stand (ground or tree). I don't know if they'd qualify as "trophy deer", but they are good sized kills for this area. They swear being still is more important than scent or camo.

Chris

[Art Eatman]

Odds are that the arm motions of a smoker are more of a problem than the odor. But if Bambi is upwind, odor doesn't matter at all.

Art

[one-shot-one]

when i was a kid hunting in the national forest with my dad and my grandpa.
we talked to another hunter at the end of the day.
dad: see anything?
idiot hunter: no, but we got off a couple of sound shots!
dad: sound shots?
idiot hunter: yeah we heard somting in the brush and shot at it but got
nothn'.
i thought my grandpa was gona kill that man were he stood but my dad got us into the car and left.

[Johannes_Paulsen]

"Those fools couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--"

[rimshot]

(apologies to General Sedgwick.)

[Smokey Joe]

Back in the day, when I was teaching, I overheard a conversation between 2 of my students. It went something like:

Student 1: "Well, the way to hunt deer is to drive 'em. When you see one, you shoot at it. The first shot wakes 'em up. The second shot gets 'em running. Then you can start really shooting at 'em."

Student 2: "Uh huh."

I asked the 2 lads what would be wrong with killing the deer in question with a single, well aimed shot. They just looked at me.

I'd have given a lot to have been able to eavesdrop on the conversation that night at the supper table between the boys and their dads.

[BillCA]

[Over two-way radio to hunt partner]
"Careful. You have a skunk approaching at ..."

*BLAM!*

[Over two-way radio] "Stay there. I'll get the tomato juice."

[FirstFreedom]

Well it was while on a hunting trip, but not while *actually* hunting; but rather back in camp in a public camping area next to some public lands. Ol' boy invites us over for some coffee around the campfire. We learned in the course of about half an hour, while listening to his tales that:

-He only hunts with an AR15
-He keeps the scope on "50 power". "Did you say 15 or 50?", I asked him. "FIF-TY power" was the verified response.
-When he sees a deer, he drops to his knees and looks for the shot. Nevermind that you can't see squat in this area from your knees due to the thick undergrowth.
-He only takes head shots on deer.
-A year or two before, he had taken a 700 lb hog from some other public land.
-He had been a hunting guide up north somewhere for awhile, and once he saw a sity clicker fall off the horse crossing a creek, and begin to writhe in pain from being shocked when the guy's electric socks got wet.
-Earlier in the week, over yonder (pointing), he found a mutilated deer covered with leaves & twigs. So he waited inside a nearby hollow tree stump, and sure enough, a puma which was 10 feet long from nose to tail came back to finish dining on the deer.
-And yes, I'm crappin ya negatory, this thin decrepit late-middle-aged man was a former SEAL!

He was a hootenanny, that guy.

[rantingredneck]

I was walking back to my truck mid day from a morning bow hunt. I run up on a guy who hunts the same tract of land. I've never particularly liked to be around him because he's a certified dumb@ss. He's carrying a broken off arrow shaft in his hand and staring at the ground. I think, "Ok he's got one. I'll be nice and help him track". I walk up to him and offer to help. He thanks me. I start looking for blood. I see a fleck or two here and there and a few torn up patches of ground but nothing that would indicate a good solid hit. After about 10 minutes of searching he says, "I wish he would've turned broadside" I said, "was he quartering when you shot?" He said, "Not exactly". I said, "I'm not seeing much blood here, so did you hit him high or something?". He said, "Well you see he wouldn't stop. The only choice I had was to take a shot when he was running straight away from me. I hit him in the butt." I said, "You're kidding me." He said, "Nope, I had no choice". I said, "Did you ever think about not releasing the arrow?" The look on his face said he'd never even considered that as a possibility. I wished him luck and walked back to my truck with steam coming out of my ears.

[FirstFreedom]

Not so much anything I heard, but another quick funny hunting story. My old man neighbor told me that years ago he was hunting deer on public land during gun season, and midday he passes this woman walking by on the road, and she's madder than an old wet hen; just furious. He asked her what happened and she explained that she shot a good buck with a big rack. So she decides to get a picture of the buck real quick...lays her thurty-thurty across the rack of the deer..walks a few feet back to take the picture, and the buck awakes from its state of shock, gets up and runs off into with the woods - you guessed it, with her gun still stuck in his rack!

[mrawesome22]

Not really relevant but funny.

I love to mushroom hunt in the spring. My buddy and I decided to go mushroom hunting this past season and he asked if it was alright if he brought along a new neighbor of his. I said sure and so we went.

We all get out of the truck and this guy immediately puts his hands up to his ears and tells us to be quiet. Me and my buddy look at each other thinking "what the hell?"

He says, "I can hear them popping up. This should be a good spot."

LOL, as God as my witness, this guy was dead serious. While we were walking around in the woods this guy would be saying "Hey man, your walking right past them. I can hear them popping up all around you."

Of course when we couldn't find any in that spot he would say that I must have stepped on all of them LOL. Again, this guy was serious. Not joking.

Might have been the stupidest person I've ever met.

[robc]

I used to teach with a young guy (he was a band teacher) who swore he had never missed a grouse. Said he hunted in northern Minnesota (we worked in the Twin Cities Metro area) for years with his family. Never missed a grouse? As I recall, I told him that's pretty good, even for a ground-swatter. He got pretty indignant and said he only shot flushed birds.

[mrawesome22]

Never missed a grouse huh

I've never missed one either.

I never miss the heart attack they give me right before I start to raise the gun! LOL

If he's never missed a grouse, surely he's never missed a cottontail either right? LOL

One guy told me that killing crows at 1 mile was easy with his 22-250Rem.

[MDman]

I have this friend that works at Dicks sporting goods

He was selling this lady a gun, and he is going through the background check and what not, ( I believe it was a Remington 710, they were on sale at the time) and at some point he ask her what she plans on doing with it.

"I’m going to shoot the hunters"

"What?"

"The hunters...they go in my back yard some times, so when I see them I am going to shoot them"

Needless to say the lady did not get her gun, and apparently was very mad when she wasn’t allowed to buy one, I told the guy he should have sold her some pellet gun, and let the matter fix its self.

[Chris Phelps]

I have been to his house numerous times and have seen no antlers, horns, beards, pictures or pelts.

That doesn't always mean anything. I am a coyote hunter. I don't ever take pictures or pelts. I hunt in places where coyote are problems... I shoot them, then I bury them.



as for the stupidest thing you have ever heard... the area that I live in now... UGH, the stupidity doesn't stop. One of the biggest past times is to get drunk, grab a deer rifle, jump in the truck, and drive up and down the back roads looking for deer. I hear stories of people stopping in the middle of the road and unloading a semi-auto 30-06 at a doe that is standing in a 40' gap between two houses beside the road. I hear stories of people opening their bedroom window (In town) and shooting at small game at 2am. The stories come in faster than I can even remember most.

[kickshot85]

LOL. I would have paid any amount of money to see that deer make off with her 30-30. I imagine that if that deer were taken the next day with her rifle still in its rack that the headlines might be something like this:

HUNTERS BEWARE!!!
Bambi's Packin'

That would have been a classic.

[kickshot85]

Oh, and mikejones, you can't consider yourself a true sportsman unless you've got at least three avids on your wall. Hell, I wouldn't even call myself a man without at least one.

[rantingredneck]

There was another time that my father-in-law and I were walking back to the truck from the morning hunt and we ran across a young guy who was bleeding from the chest. Our first reaction was "oh sh**, he's been shot" but it was dumber than that. He had shot a deer and knocked it down. He got down out of his stand, tied a rope around the (seemingly dead) deer's neck to drag it out, collected his gun and pack and started to pull when the deer pulled back. One minute he's dragging the deer the next he's walking it like a dog. Needless to say the buck didn't appreciate that too much and gored him with his antlers. Ripped him pretty good, but no stitches required. We patched him up out of our first aid kit and helped him track the deer a little ways. Never found it. Trail petered out about 100 yds further from where he got horned.

[OuTcAsT]

I shoot them, then I bury them.

Buzzards gotta eat too!

[rantingredneck]

Indeed. I shoot them and pile them up for the buzzards.

[Chris Phelps]

Buzzards gotta eat too!

Yeah, but then you call them in. Once the coyote packs have left the area (or been killed off), you still have buzzards kicking around. But... now they are hungry buzzards. Maybe they wait for something else to die... maybe they take it upon themselves to become predators. Then you'd just have another problem on your hands... and you'd have to sit outside picking off buzzards all day.


hmm... picking off buzzards... You know... I don't think I'll bury any more coyotes.