Cheesy Hunting Jokes Anyone?

[rickyrick]

This guy got me once, he went through this elaborate thirty minute spill about how to make a duck call out of a pop tab.. I was very interested,, I watched every move...



the moment came to make it work......he put it to his lips.....and he said, " here duck, duck, duck"

[Scorch]

OK, I'll play:

Hunting camp at dinner time can be an adventure. In one camp, the guys are looking at the strange looking shape cooking over the fire.
"What is it?" asks one.
"Politician" replies the cook.
"How can you tell it's a politician?" asks another.
Cook says "Well, when I first spotted him, he was running up and down makin' a lotta noise. He was good size, so I potted him. When I went to clean him he was so full of crap I couldn't believe it. Inside he was just rotten and stunk to high heaven, so I had to cut it all out. When I was done, all that was left was the mouth."
First one says "Yup, sounds like a politician. Think I'll pass. Never heard of a good politician anyways."

[youp]

A couple of local guys, Toivo and Heikki, were life long hunting buddies. Last year Toivo asked Heikki if he could bring his new brother in law to deer camp. Bill was a city man and rather heavy, but Toivo's sister, well, she was no prize to look at and mean as catpee besides. So agreements were made and Bill found himself in a real live backwoods Upper Michigan deer camp. Heikki drew the short straw, he didn't figure there would be any of THAT when he agreed, and took Bill to the woods Opening Day. That evening Heikki arrived in the camp yard dragging a huge 10 point buck. No Bill. Toivo asks him wheres my brudderinlaw? Heikki explained Bill had a fatal heart attack during the drag and was propped against a hard maple tree half mile from camp. Toivo really wanted to know why he had left Bill and drug in the buck. For Heikki the answer simply came 'Nobody gonna steal him!'

[Fat White Boy]

An avid duck hunter takes a 10 day duck trip from California to Washington with a stop in Oregon. He gets pulled over by an Oregon game warden. The game warden looks at all the ducks he has in the cooler and says, "I have to write you up for having too many ducks." The hunter says,"But I got some of these in Washington and in California!" The warden asks which ones are from where? The hunter doesn't know. So, the warden pulls out a duck, sticks his finger up the duck's rear, pulls it out, smells it and says,"This duck is from Oregon." He checks the next duck and says, "This one is from California." He proceeds to check every duck and sure enough, the hunter is one duck over the Oregon limit.
The warden pulls out his ticket book and asks, "O.K., where are you from?"

The hunter turns around, pulls down his pants and says to the warden,

"You're so damn smart, you tell me!!"

[Legionnaire]

Fishing count?



A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says,"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" The kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" Kid says "$101,237.64" Boss says "101,237.64? What on earth did you sell?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?" Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a bottle of Midol for his wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."

[Ifishsum]

True story - My buddy and I were waterfowl hunting one day, watching as several flocks of geese fly over us far out of range. I asked him if he knew why one side of their "V" formation is always longer than the other. After a few minutes of hearing his theories about aerodynamics and air flow, etc, I explained my theory:

v
v
v
v
v








There are more Geese on that side!

[kodiakbeer]

The old saw about the newcomer asking the locals what the best handgun is for big bear protection in Alaska...

The answer is invariably, a .22

When the newcomer expresses disbelief, he's told that since a bear can only catch the slowest person, the .22 is to kneecap your partner and then run like hell...

[Dave R]

Another Californian comes to Idaho, this time to hunt ducks. All week, no luck. Last day of his trip, last legal hour, a duck flies by far away. But the Californian shoots sporting clays all the time, so he makesthe shot. The duck falls just over a fence on a farmer's spread.

By the time the hunter gets there, the farmer is standing over the duck.

"My property, my duck."

The Californian goes berserk, explaining how much money he spent to get that one shot. The farmer says...

"Well, maybe we can settle this country style."

The Californian needs an explanation. The farmer says they stand arms length apart, feet shoulder width apart, and take turns kicking each other in the groin. Last one standing keeps the duck.

Californian thinks of the money he spent, and agrees to settle it country style.

Farmer says "My land, I go first."

He puts his work boot to perfect effect. Nice backswing, good follow through. Raises the hunter a few inches off the ground.

There is much moaning, tears in the eyes, and the knees buckle, but the hunter stands and eventually makes it through the pain.

He says "OK. Well done. Its my turn, now."

The farmer says. "Oh, you can keep the duck."



(I heard Buddy Hackett tell this joke on TV.)

[roy reali]

This guy runs into his buddy and says guess what?, I got a hunting dog for my wife.

His buddy replies, good trade!

[Uncle Buck]

Why do geese fly South in the winter?




It's to far to walk.

[Art Eatman]

Sorta gone to Limburger...