[Panfisher]

OK I am now ready to relate my "redneck retard" hunting story from yesterday. First a little background. About 3 weeks ago I purchased a brand spanking new Remington R-15 in .223 Rem, and although I basically grew up with bolt action rifles with a smattering of single shot and lever guns I have never been trained on an AR-15/M-16 like my wife was courtesy of the United States Army, (this will be important later for those that are familiar with the AR platform).

I set it up with a cheap scope I had on hand and it quickly demonstrated its ability to continuously put bullets into a small area, I loaded up a box of 60 grain Nosler Partitions and it was game on for opening day (yesterday). About a week ago coming home one night I saw a deer cross the road about a mile from my house, he was limping on 3 legs and had the ugliest rack of antlers I have ever seen, I thought to myself I would sure like to get a shot at him.

Opening day. Sitting in my stand about 300 yards from my wife’s stand, basically playing out my part as I don't really deer hunt seriously any more. Sure enough I hear the bark of her .243, soon I get a text "doe down, she is not going anywhere so I am going to stay here". Cool. A few minutes later I hear a dragging/scraping/rustling noise behind me, not in the woods in the open pasture behind me where I walked in. There limping along was the very same crippled ugly buck I had wished for a shot at. Unfortunately he walked to where he hit my trail from walking in and froze, behind a bunch of tree limbs scanning every inch of terrain before him. Where he was, is directly between me and my house so even had he not been behind the tree limbs I wouldn't have taken the shot, and as it turned out after trying left-handed and right-handed the tree behind me and a big limb made it impossible to even get a decent shot lined up even though he was easy to see at 50 yards. I had time to text my wife that he was there looking around and she was actually able to partially see him in her binoculars. Finally he couldn't take it anymore and decided to turn back the way he had come. Quick and quietly (think Ninja) and pivoted all the way around on my stand to maybe get a shot right handed, when low and behold he stopped in the open, broadside. Goodbye Mr. ugly buck I thought, reaching up with my index finger to push off the safety. Those of you familiar with the AR platform are already laughing because you know that isn't the safety it’s the magazine release, so being the "retard in the tree" I smoothly released the 10 round magazine and watched it drop cleanly and oddly enough quietly to the ground below my tree. No problem thinks I, I still have one in the chamber, crosshairs on his chest and POW. Deer jumps and runs forward about 30 yards and stops again broadside in some buck brush begging for another shot.

Hmmm, there are 9 more rounds in the magazine on the ground, but aha I have another 10 round mag in the front bib pocket of my Carhartt bibbers. . . under the orange vest, and under the hoodie, and under the jacket, eventually I get my hand worked under enough layers to get the fresh mag out and inserted into the rifle. Now for those of you familiar or not with the AR platform, it is nearly impossible to quietly chamber a round. I try to ease bolt forward, but you can't push it forward so you have to quietly work it back and forth until it strips a round and let the bolt slowly go forward, aha I have you now Ugly Buck. Again those familiar may already see what is going to happen. Apparently with an AR if you ease it into battery it doesn't quite close fully and doesn't engage the cartridge rim for extraction, however it will allow the firing pin to drop, just not enough to fire the round, preventing an out of battery firing (which would have been BAD).

OK I aim and squeeze, CLICK, WTH thinks I, bad round??? I pull back the charging handle, no case is ejected ? ? ? and let the bolt go forward again, promptly letting the round from the mag slap up against the one already in the chamber (good grief what and idiot I am), finally pull back the charging handle again and lock it open and shake both loose rounds fall out. Well that worked so well I promptly repeat the same stupid actions and jam it again.

All this time the Ugly Buck is still there wondering what is happening. Finally clear the second jam and think screw it, pull back the charging handle and let it slam forward, you know just like it is supposed to, aim and put another round into him, he jumps and heads down to the fence where I vaguely seem him stop and go down.

I gently climb down from my stand, pick up the mag I dropped, and swap it out (the way I going I my need every bullet I have), pick up the loose rounds off the ground, and ease myself up to check, sweet mother he is down for keeps.

I take a moment to collect my wits (which don't take up much room at this point). And think to myself, he was a good one to remove from the population, he is gimping, ugly and apparently has some bad genetics, I begin to feel good again, when it suddenly dawns on me that if those are the particular criteria to use someone is probably about to shoot ME.

During the field dressing I recovered a Nosler Partition bullet from under the skin on the far side, the insides are a mess, one of the shots was at an angle and got some lungs and other less pleasant parts further back, lots of hosing out of the body cavity later.

Take away lessons, .223 Remington will kill a deer, 60 grain Nosler Partitions are wicked little creatures and the new Butt Out tool I finally bought actually worked pretty good, final lesson I am and Idiot, and failed to heed the old advice from a movie I saw "Never take and un-proven weapon into battle" (from The Ghost and the Darkness). I am having the skull/rack European mounted just because it looks so strange and to remind me of the hunt.

STOP LAUGHING.. I have since returned the rifle to its Zombie Apocolypse duties loaded with 20 rounds mags of 50 grain Hollow Points, and will plan to become more familiar with the rifle as I doubt the Zombies will be as accommodating as the Ugly Buck.