Practice shooting gang-bange style. That way a right-handed shooter can cover your right ear by sticking it against the right upper arm and stick the left hand over the weakside ear.
When I had finally, or so I thouthg, worked out my home defense plan, I had my SG lying on the floor, muzzle to the foot of the bed (but not pointed at the TV! I don't care what Gabe Suarez says, my TV is as important as I am
). My sidearm was in a shoulder rig hanging from the window crank closest to the bed. The bedside gun was on the bedside table. My glasses were on that table as well. The magnum flashlight was upright next to the bedside table. I also had a pair of cargo pants hanging by a set of suspenders from the adjacent window crank. If I go, I ani't goin' in my FTLs. And, over the suspenders, an ear prtection set with electric noise suppression and background sound enhancement.
Well, the plan was, at the first sign of anything going wrong, depending on if it were a close noise or a far noise, it would be grab the bedside pistol or the SG. Then, while alertly listening, the next step was the glasses, followed by the ear muffs. Then retrieve the flashlight and lay it on the bed (all my stuff was on the right side, where I sleep). If there is still no telltale followup noise (with the electric ears, my hearing is magnified! Like having super powers
), then I slip into the pants while holding the SG by the pistol grip with the stock tucked under my arm - since they have four-point suspenders, alternating the SG to slip the right arm in wasn't going to be a problem.
The idea was to go to full load out while keeping a sharp ear and eye out for any noise. I practiced it a number of times and got it down pat. Given no interrupting input, within 30 sec., I could be armed and ready, decently clothed for the event. The only noise was the slight creak caused by leaving the bed.
One night, about 3 am, I was awakened by a muffled BANG!, from the downstairs area. Within a few seconds, I was standing armed with the SG. I strained to hear, didn't pick up any noises and saw no shadows cast by the ambient light. I fumbled around on the table behind my back for my glasses, finally getting them on, sticking one stem in the corner of my eye. That caused me to hit the flashlight with my left heel and start it rocking but Iwas quick and got it before it hit the floor! After I laid it on the bed, I reached across the SG to get the earmuffs on, which caused my glasses to shift. After I readjusted my glasses and got the earmuffs fired up, I paused again to listen. Nothing but louder nothing, i.e. a light hissing background.
It was time for stage two, slipping on the pants. I shifted the SG to a left armpit, weakhand grip DAMN! I swept the TV
After I got my right leg in and right shoulder harnessed, all the while traversing the SG across a 160° arc, I shifted back to strong hand and got the rest of me in and buttoned/sippered up. Then came the shoulder rig, similar to the last exercise but better executed. Always listening, always listening for a creak on the stairs, a rushed breath, another badguy generated noise. I then realised that I couldn't go barefoot, so I felt around for my slip-ons I knew I had left somewhere there. I was ready.
Wait a minute, can't leave the bedside gun there, so it went into my back pocket. Then the cell phone clipped to my front pocket. I was ready. I slowly crept forward, nearing the head of the stairs, paused to listen. Nothing. I slowly cut the pie with the SG. Nothing. Counting the 4 or 5 minutes it had taken to get set, 7 minutes had passed. Nothing. I was safe in my primary firing position, with the kill box well covered and illuminated by ambient light. No back lighting to give myself away. I had to pee. Damn. I gritted my teeth, committed mind over matter and began to slowly clear the house. After 30 minutes, with a clear and illuminated house, I finally had a chance to relieve myself. During those 5 minutes, I relfected on my performance. I went back to bed with everything still on. I wasn't going to miss that 30 second mark again.
A few days later, while packing groceries away, I noticed some icky stuff in the back of a kitchen cabinet. A large can of tomato sauce had exploded, spraying the inside of the cabinet. I had been victimized by a can of Progresso.
It all started with adding the ear muffs to the equipment. The list just grew. I think the guy with the idea about the silencer got it right.